Elders who doctor "too much"? (adult, babysitting, Medicare)

[Saritaschihuahua]

From what I have seen, the elderly get sicker more often, and sicker faster than other groups. That being the case, I can see why they would visit the doctor more often.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua

From what I have seen, the elderly get sicker more often, and sicker faster than other groups. That being the case, I can see why they would visit the doctor more often.

Very true. I guess what many of us are pointing out is that there is a segment of the very elderly who overexaggerate every complaint and are looking for a "magic pill" for everything . . . plus often like all the attention.

Every situation is different, of course. Some folks put off care until their situation is so desperate, extreme measures must be taken, which actually ends up being more expensive and puts the patient at severe risk. That extreme is not good, either.

[ParallelJJCat]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Very true. I guess what many of us are pointing out is that there is a segment of the very elderly who overexaggerate every complaint and are looking for a "magic pill" for everything . . . plus often like all the attention.

Every situation is different, of course. Some folks put off care until their situation is so desperate, extreme measures must be taken, which actually ends up being more expensive and puts the patient at severe risk. That extreme is not good, either.

Very true. While my mother will happily see four specialists and get five MRIs, my father falls on the other side of the spectrum. A few months ago I noticed he had a dark mole on his nose that had never been there before. I told him he needed to see a doctor but he kept delaying it. The mole appeared to go away, then came back and started bleeding. At that point I just made the appointment for him. Of course it had to be tested and we're still waiting to find out if it is skin cancer (he was a mailman for thirty years walking in the sun.) If I hadn't intervened he wouldn't have gone to the doctor until his nose rotted full off.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat

Very true. While my mother will happily see four specialists and get five MRIs, my father falls on the other side of the spectrum. A few months ago I noticed he had a dark mole on his nose that had never been there before. I told him he needed to see a doctor but he kept delaying it. The mole appeared to go away, then came back and started bleeding. At that point I just made the appointment for him. Of course it had to be tested and we're still waiting to find out if it is skin cancer (he was a mailman for thirty years walking in the sun.) If I hadn't intervened he wouldn't have gone to the doctor until his nose rotted full off.

Oh my. Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Seems too many times - folks are on one extreme or the other - not wanting to deal with things (or hoping they will go away or get better on their own) - or they are overly vigilant and over-use the system.

I am so glad you stepped in. I think that is the thing for us who are dealing with aging parents . . . they want their independence (as I would, at their ages, too!) . . . but sometimes we just have to step in and say - "I am worried. I have made an appointment. Let's see what is going on."

I hope your father's issue isn't skin cancer but thank goodness you are on track to get a diagnosis and then take whatever action might be necessary. Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

[ParallelJJCat]

Originally Posted by anifani821

Oh my. Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Seems too many times - folks are on one extreme or the other - not wanting to deal with things (or hoping they will go away or get better on their own) - or they are overly vigilant and over-use the system.

I am so glad you stepped in. I think that is the thing for us who are dealing with aging parents . . . they want their independence (as I would, at their ages, too!) . . . but sometimes we just have to step in and say - "I am worried. I have made an appointment. Let's see what is going on."

I hope your father's issue isn't skin cancer but thank goodness you are on track to get a diagnosis and then take whatever action might be necessary. Sending good thoughts to you and your family.

I find a tactic that works is using a choice close. I used to work in sales, and basically with a choice close you give two options (and neither option is simply 'no') It makes the person feel like they're being given a choice even if they really aren't.

So, for example, I won't ask my father if he wants me to make an appointment. I'll just say "I'm calling now to make the appointment...what works better for you, morning or afternoon?" For some reason it almost always works, where if I just said "Can I make an appointment?" he would have refused. If I had just made it for him without asking at all he would have found an excuse to wiggle out of it. So I basically force him to participate while still making it seem like he has a choice.

(My mother is master of the negative close, where you ask a yes/no question that no one in their right mind would answer yes to. So if she wants new curtains, she'll say something like "Do you want to keep those ratty old curtains with the horrible patterns and the nasty stains?" Um...yes?

[Saritaschihuahua]

Some, definitely. There are also some young and middle aged people who are always at the doctor's office or the hospital. I can name a few at work. One lady at work is 30 and I swear not a week that she doesn't have a doctor's appointment.

With regard to the elderly who do that (see the doctor a lot), it could be because the elderly is the group of the population we keep most isolated from other human beings. Isolation is unhealthy mentally. (And it's physically unhealthy, too)! Or it could be because they're truly feeling ill. People never feel as good when they're old as when they were young. Their motors and chassis don't work well.

As some people say, "old age is not for sissies." I concur.

Originally Posted by anifani821

Very true. I guess what many of us are pointing out is that there is a segment of the very elderly who overexaggerate every complaint and are looking for a "magic pill" for everything . . . plus often like all the attention.

Every situation is different, of course. Some folks put off care until their situation is so desperate, extreme measures must be taken, which actually ends up being more expensive and puts the patient at severe risk. That extreme is not good, either.

[sfcambridge]

Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat

I find a tactic that works is using a choice close. I used to work in sales, and basically with a choice close you give two options (and neither option is simply 'no') It makes the person feel like they're being given a choice even if they really aren't.

So, for example, I won't ask my father if he wants me to make an appointment. I'll just say "I'm calling now to make the appointment...what works better for you, morning or afternoon?" For some reason it almost always works, where if I just said "Can I make an appointment?" he would have refused. If I had just made it for him without asking at all he would have found an excuse to wiggle out of it. So I basically force him to participate while still making it seem like he has a choice.

(My mother is master of the negative close, where you ask a yes/no question that no one in their right mind would answer yes to. So if she wants new curtains, she'll say something like "Do you want to keep those ratty old curtains with the horrible patterns and the nasty stains?" Um...yes?

I really think this is a great strategy. I have used it myself for my father, who gets furious when I don't ask his permission for everything, but then who refuses to make decisions. And he would never schedule an doctor's appointment if I didn't do it for him.

But everyone wants some control over their life. It is human.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by Saritaschihuahua

Some, definitely. There are also some young and middle aged people who are always at the doctor's office or the hospital. I can name a few at work. One lady at work is 30 and I swear not a week that she doesn't have a doctor's appointment.

With regard to the elderly who do that (see the doctor a lot), it could be because the elderly is the group of the population we keep most isolated from other human beings. Isolation is unhealthy mentally. (And it's physically unhealthy, too)! Or it could be because they're truly feeling ill. People never feel as good when they're old as when they were young. Their motors and chassis don't work well.

As some people say, "old age is not for sissies." I concur.

Very good points. In thinking about it, my mother has been in and out of doctor's offices for every tiny minor complaint all her life. She is in no way isolated from anyone - has a huge family and is very active in her church. But in looking back, her main topic of conversation throughout life has been whatever health issue she "thinks" she is having at the moment. I guess it should be no surprise that she has continued (and in some ways, escalated) those same behaviors as she has aged.

It is interesting to me that the folks I know who are the healthiest in their 80s are very conservative about going to the doc . . . they keep regular healthcare checks but they don't exaggerate normal aging issues. I have also noticed that these same folks appear to be from families who are basically healthy people who live well into their 80s or 90s. I have often wondered how much of their good health is simply genetic -- or good genes mixed with a realistic attitude about aging.

[Saritaschihuahua]

I agree, and too many meds can often hurt rather than help.

I also think that the way we are and live when we're younger, is very much the way we'll be when we're older. Just that being older is always more difficult, and never easier than being younger.

Originally Posted by anifani821

Very good points. In thinking about it, my mother has been in and out of doctor's offices for every tiny minor complaint all her life. She is in no way isolated from anyone - has a huge family and is very active in her church. But in looking back, her main topic of conversation throughout life has been whatever health issue she "thinks" she is having at the moment. I guess it should be no surprise that she has continued (and in some ways, escalated) those same behaviors as she has aged.

It is interesting to me that the folks I know who are the healthiest in their 80s are very conservative about going to the doc . . . they keep regular healthcare checks but they don't exaggerate normal aging issues. I have also noticed that these same folks appear to be from families who are basically healthy people who live well into their 80s or 90s. I have often wondered how much of their good health is simply genetic -- or good genes mixed with a realistic attitude about aging.

[North Beach Person]

I might have missed it but I've noticed (small sample admittedly) that older folks have no hesitation to doctor shop if they don't like what they hear. My mother would do that, especially when it came to her eyes. I took her to a couple eye doctor appointments prior to her dieing. The first one (a high school friend of mine) broke the news to her that she was losing her vision. She didn't like that. A couple months later she called me to come up (not a small trip, 350 miles) to take her to another eye guy. Diagnosis was the same. Man was she pissed at both of them. She died a couple weeks later but she'd had another appointment set up with another one. She was convinced she had "bad glasses".

Also, again small sample, they self-medicate a lot. When my mother was in assisted living the staff regularly raided her room for contraband like Excedrin (she wasn't supposed to have it), some kind of bee elixir and other stuff. She swore they were making her feel worse. The staff told me that they had trouble with every single person there.

Just noticed something about genetics. I think absolutely that plays a part in both longevity and later years health. Both sides of my ancestry were healthy well into their 80's, with a lot of 90+, and relatively short period of decline prior to death.