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Old 07-24-2012, 09:43 AM
 
26,144 posts, read 19,696,650 times
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Apologising is the HARDEST THING to do and once we do,WE FEEL SO MUCH BETTER

Im proud of your MA for wanting to do so!!!!


God bless
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Old 08-27-2012, 11:57 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,075,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
Basically, my mom has a cluster of auto immune problems that combined have caused problems with short term memory and emotional outbursts.

She tends to fixate on things, to the point where she'll keep bringing the subject up every two minutes and obsessing over it. But she also remembers things incorrectly and sometimes makes a very large mountain out of a very small mole hill.

There's two likely scenarios for what actually happened...either mom just asked if the neighbor needed help, she said no, and mom left peacefully. Or mom really did make a scene. Both are equally likely.

As an example, my cousin was over recently and mentioned she was looking for reading material for her 12 year old son. Mom suggested the Hunger Games and my cousin said her son was too young for it. No big deal, right? Mom fixated on this conversation and sent my cousin a long apology letter for suggesting the book at all, she should have known better, etc. I have no idea why she felt just making a suggestion deserved an apology, but she was really upset about it.

So when mom is saying it was a big scene and really bad, I can't depend on that. On the other hand, she has acted inappropriately and caused scenes before, so it certainly could be true. I guess I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it was by being over dramatic with the apology process, since I don't know what really happened.

I do actually live with her...I'm her primary caretaker. I was at the store when this happened and she didn't tell me until the next day because she was ashamed.

If she has some paranoia issues, they're centered around her own actions and how they are perceived.
I feel better knowing you are there. I would visit over the fence w/ the neighbors...You could first approach the first neighbor by yourself..ask her version on the interaction re: the offer to help. The other neighbor you'll figure out by process of elimination. If your mom remembered her interactions w/ first neighbor correctly...then you can bet the neighbors talked about your Mom. If not, could be just coincidence.
Perhaps a day program for your Mom to attend. And, I'd make sure her doctor knows about her fixation and any new possible side effects or progression of dementia. Hang in there, it isn't easy but eventually you will look back and be glad you were the one caring for you Mom. God bless you
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,496 posts, read 26,508,186 times
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If she had a past TBI, sometimes that can affect cognitive perceptions and social interaction. This medical site is rather positive, dementia is treatable if the person is seen by a professional on outpatient basis.

My uncle had PTSD. It was treatable, but he had the personality issues your Mom seems to have with people.

Dementia - MayoClinic.com
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Free From The Oppressive State
30,133 posts, read 23,508,546 times
Reputation: 38375
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParallelJJCat View Post
This basically ended up being what I did. I don't really interact with this neighbor at all, but I was out walking the cat while she was in her yard and took the opportunity. It was either that or let Mom mail a three page apology letter.

She was very nice and tried to be polite, but my impression was that mom was a little over the top...the woman said she knew something was 'off' but didn't seem to have felt endangered or anything. I just briefly explained Mom sometimes has memory issues and can get emotional and I was sorry for any inconvenience or upset.

The next day the neighbor waved to mom while we were going out (which is about as much interaction as we've ever had), which made mom feel a whole lot better.
First of all, the part I bolded...LOL! I love it! It's not just me!

Second, your neighbor sounds like a great person. She knew that a wave would make your mom feel better and she did it. I like your neighbor.
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