Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl
A 47 year old male is not in a psychological situation to administer to private bodily needs of an old woman. Many states have "Elders at Risk" programs (through councils on aging). They send social workers to assess if an elder is competent to care for herself, if she is a danger to herself (igniting herself at the stove, etc). There are all kinds of assistance for low-income elders, including an in-home aid in nursing care, etc. We should be aware that there are "neglect" laws as well, so if she is the kind who would protest the quality of care her son is providing, he needs to legally protect himself. Not only that, Medicare could expect money from the son, or attachment of the house, at any point that Medicare is paying big bills.
I would tell the OP to be very wary of doing this, both psychologically and legally, and to undertake nothing until he has gotten sound counsel from those in the know (lawyer, or council on aging counselor, etc).
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I don't know why you quoted my earlier post and then posted yours above - as I said I have no problem with someone who doesn't want to care for someone else saying 'no'. I just said you can't (and shouldn't try) to force someone into a home.
As far as your post above - A 47 year old child (of either gender) if mature and past the "oohh girly parts and boy parts!!" stage of life, is more than capable of psychologically handling caring for a parent of the opposite sex.
I care for my father, who is bed bound, which includes cleaning him and changing his adult brief. Was it odd? Yes. Did I get over it the first day. Yes. Did he? Yes. But we are both psychologically mature individuals.
A person may very well think, "well I never thought I'd be doing this!!" or may refuse to, or may be "squicked out" by the idea of it...
but not because 47 year old males are not psychologically capable of caring for their old/infirm mothers.
The brief time my folks were in nursing homes, the only other child I saw "caring" for a parent, was a devoted man in my age range (so somewhere between 30 and 50) who was caring for the woman across the hall. He did everything for her, as the aides generally did not.
Also - I think you mean medicaid, not medicare in your last part. Medicare isn't going to go after anything, but medicare also isn't going to pay for any sort of institutional care. Medicaid would pay for institutional care, if she got approved and required it, but its a spend-down until that time.
It doesn't really sound like she requires institutional care at this point (3 hours of assistance a day (we don't know what the assistance is for) is not a lot!)
Since he's apparently moving into her house, if Medicaid eventually goes after that (after her death) - well, its not his house anyway. But, he's given no information (that I saw) on what her financial situation is, so she may not even be on medicaid. (She could have a pension, or a spouse's pension, + SS, plus private savings.. who knows!)
And as far as legally protecting one's self from made-up elder abuse charges --
as I suggested in a separate earlier statement, if the relationship between the parent/child (cared for/care provider) is not a reasonably good one -- this will not make it better. Again, perhaps a reason not to provide care.
OP: If you and your mom don't get along well, take that into consideration.
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