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I have a friend who has moved BOTH dementing parents into her home, small one too, both with walkers as well. My friend and her parents have ample funds to hire even part time home health staff but my friend always takes it upon herself to bath her parents herself. Several friends and I have thought this is really weird for her to be bathing her father when she could have a home health person do it.
Because when you're providing care giving for your father, its not a big deal, or at least for many/most of us it isn't.
Sure, I could destroy my parents nest egg by hiring help for my dad 7x/ week and never look at my father unclothed, but A) that would be incredibly irresponsbile of me, and B) its not a big deal. No different than dealing with any other bodily functions.
You basically become very clinical/detached about it.
Perhaps your friend had experiences with aides and didn't like their care of her parents? Perhaps the aides let the parents get chilled, or didn't rinse them carefully or were rough with them??
If your friend is able to provide these tasks for her parents, (mother and father), there's nothing odd about it. Now if she's killing herself to do so and won't get any assistance at all, that's not healthy and hopefully she can be persuaded to get some assistance.
But bathing is not something that especially needs to be farmed out to a third/neutral party if she is capable of doing it herself.
I have a friend who has moved BOTH dementing parents into her home, small one too, both with walkers as well. My friend and her parents have ample funds to hire even part time home health staff but my friend always takes it upon herself to bath her parents herself. Several friends and I have thought this is really weird for her to be bathing her father when she could have a home health person do it.
Are we off base with thinking this?
"Really weird"? What are you thinking? That she has something pervy going on with her father?
Conceivably she loves her parents - father, in this case, and feels that she wants to provide for their personal care while she can, and not turn them into "patients" any sooner than she has to. Some people are made that way, they are willing to take things on themself.
Quite frankly it sounds like you and her other "friends" are not much in the way of friends if this is where your interest in her situation lies.
I have a friend who has moved BOTH dementing parents into her home, small one too, both with walkers as well. My friend and her parents have ample funds to hire even part time home health staff but my friend always takes it upon herself to bath her parents herself. Several friends and I have thought this is really weird for her to be bathing her father when she could have a home health person do it.
Are we off base with thinking this?
I don't think it is "really weird". Ample funds only go so far in cases like this. I took care of both of my parents, including bathing. The first time with my dad was pretty uncomfortable, but I would think it was more-so uncomfortable for him.
By that time, I had already taken on a care-giver roll for the most part.
Look. It is the circle of life. When we are born, our parents care for us. It is their duty to love and care for us the very best they can. For a good many years, parents for the most part turn it over to the caring of their kids.
As they get older, and can no longer care for themselves, it is then the childs duty to care for their parents. I hope my kids never have to do that, but I do think I raised them in the way that they would not mind, just as I did not mind caring for my parents and grandmother.....
It also is not much of anyones business the choice your friend is making but her own.
Because when you're providing care giving for your father, its not a big deal, or at least for many/most of us it isn't.
Sure, I could destroy my parents nest egg by hiring help for my dad 7x/ week and never look at my father unclothed, but A) that would be incredibly irresponsbile of me, and B) its not a big deal. No different than dealing with any other bodily functions.
You basically become very clinical/detached about it.
Perhaps your friend had experiences with aides and didn't like their care of her parents? Perhaps the aides let the parents get chilled, or didn't rinse them carefully or were rough with them??
If your friend is able to provide these tasks for her parents, (mother and father), there's nothing odd about it. Now if she's killing herself to do so and won't get any assistance at all, that's not healthy and hopefully she can be persuaded to get some assistance.
But bathing is not something that especially needs to be farmed out to a third/neutral party if she is capable of doing it herself.
Thanks for your reply. Makes sense how you put it.
"Really weird"? What are you thinking? That she has something pervy going on with her father?
Conceivably she loves her parents - father, in this case, and feels that she wants to provide for their personal care while she can, and not turn them into "patients" any sooner than she has to. Some people are made that way, they are willing to take things on themself.
Quite frankly it sounds like you and her other "friends" are not much in the way of friends if this is where your interest in her situation lies.
Good God, not pervy... that came from you. We, friends, were just thinking of boundaries. geez...
I don't even see why you think it's weird. Some men have to provide personal care for their mothers as well. You do what you gotta do and sometimes the best person is a son, daughter, mother, sister, brother. Sure glad you're not my "friend" and I'm having to justify my actions to you. Especially since you bring it up to a whole bunch of people and do not even discuss it with her.
I don't even see why you think it's weird. Some men have to provide personal care for their mothers as well. You do what you gotta do and sometimes the best person is a son, daughter, mother, sister, brother. Sure glad you're not my "friend" and I'm having to justify my actions to you. Especially since you bring it up to a whole bunch of people and do not even discuss it with her.
Obviously, you didn't read my post. I said she talks to us about this. We never wanted or asked her to justify anything she did.
Glad you're not my friend too... don't need someone jumping to conclusions.
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