Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I notice that the elderly seem to go out of their way to make simple tasks more difficult for themselves. I mean, I see certain deliberate actions, to make a task more complicated or more physically painful.
I already know there isn't anything a caregiver can do to change this kind of behavior. But I can't help wondering about the mindset that causes this.
Examples: Carrying several heavy plastic grocery bags, rather than using the grocery cart, to bring the bags to the car.
Leaning over, while standing up, to rummage in a purse that is sitting on the floor, rather than picking the purse up and looking through it while standing upright.
Picking up a walker and carrying it over a mess of scattered papers on the floor, rather than going around the papers (and using the walker as it is supposed to be used)
My examples were taken from three different elderly ladies. Is it a generation thing? No that's not right because each, while elderly, could not be said to be of the same generations. (76, 83, 93).
So I wonder, when I observe these behaviors. Offering suggestions on ways to do it differently to make it easier, no matter in what manner the suggestions are made, are met with hostility.
A need to remain independent, I understand, but this...deliberately doing something in a way that is obviously dangerous or likely to cause pain....I don't get it. Is it an effort to make a point? "I am strong and able and can do it the hard way, regardless of what you think"?
You are talking about people who matured in times when resilience and independence were more necessary; not like the adults of today that have so many tools and accessories for everyday living. There's a pride and force of habit that comes from successfully doing things MANUALLY for many years. it is also a trial and error learning experience to learn one's physical limitations. Athletes break bones, tear tendons and ligaments, strain hearts and organs everyday because there is no way to anticipate when the damage will actually occur. So many elderly folk are used to doing things on their own until they become injured and then force of habit kicks in beyond the learning experience of the injury.
Many times there is cognitive impairment that affects decision-making and/or sight impairment that affects depth and spatial perceptions.
Trust me, I have seen this through many years of caring for my now deceased parents and, more recently, in many elder patients in long term care.
I hope that when you approach elders in such predicaments you don't use the same judgemental tone when offering assistance. When one's health starts to decline there is also a loss of self-esteem brought on by the need to depend on others to a degree never experienced before.
Cut our elders some slack, and offer them a respectful hand. If you are lucky you will live long enough to experience it for yourself.
There was no judgmental tone. I was asking a question, looking for opinions, thoughts, experiences. I have many years experience with the elderly, 'old ladies' have always seemed to love me, though of course now that my own parent is facing these challenges, it's a bit different for me, than working with other people's elderly parents.
Perhaps you can take your own advice about "judgmental tones", especially on topics such as this, where people are struggling to do what's right. People come here for help and support.
While you gave a useful viewpoint, your "tone" toward me is not helpful or supportive.
Our motor memory (some call it muscle memory) outlasts our problem solving abilities. People often continue to do things the same way they could all their adult lives out of simple habit, it's how their bodies do that task. A few knowingly do it out of pride. Some because of the "use it or lose it" thinking.
Vision problems that may not affect reading ability can influence how someone approaches a task or even a movement.
It becomes the challenge for the caregiver (at whatever level that is happening) to sort things out, come up with alternative solutions that are more effective, safer, and will be more successful for the person, and to get the person on-board with the new way of doing things. Then it can take 30 days or more to train and solidify a new habit.
I'm 77 so I'm of the generation you referenced. I don't see myself as deliberately doing things that can be construed as more difficult or more complicated. From time to time, I do carry my plastic grocery bags to my car, usually when I'm unable to find a parking spot close to the cart corral. (Abandoned shopping carts are one of my larger peeves). I don't use a walker but that's irrelevant since I don't have scattered papers on the floor. Ever. And who on earth puts their purse on the floor? Not I.
I live alone, and have raised five sons and buried two hubs. I no longer go out to work, so if I want to do a chore the long way, I guess I can. After all, I'm not in hurry.
There was no judgmental tone. I was asking a question, looking for opinions, thoughts, experiences. I have many years experience with the elderly, 'old ladies' have always seemed to love me, though of course now that my own parent is facing these challenges, it's a bit different for me, than working with other people's elderly parents.
Perhaps you can take your own advice about "judgmental tones", especially on topics such as this, where people are struggling to do what's right. People come here for help and support.
While you gave a useful viewpoint, your "tone" toward me is not helpful or supportive.
I understood what you were saying but unfortunately there are a fair number of very defensive people on this forum. I got the same thing when I posted a thread. Some were nice and very helpful... others would rather jump down your throat and take immediate offense. Not sure if those are the overly stressed, resentful, angry caretakers.
I'm 77 so I'm of the generation you referenced. I don't see myself as deliberately doing things that can be construed as more difficult or more complicated. From time to time, I do carry my plastic grocery bags to my car, usually when I'm unable to find a parking spot close to the cart corral. (Abandoned shopping carts are one of my larger peeves). I don't use a walker but that's irrelevant since I don't have scattered papers on the floor. Ever. And who on earth puts their purse on the floor? Not I.
I live alone, and have raised five sons and buried two hubs. I no longer go out to work, so if I want to do a chore the long way, I guess I can. After all, I'm not in hurry.
I think that's great! I parked as far away from stores as I can just for the additional exercise. I also wash my floors by hand, things like that. I will probably make my kids cringe when it is no longer safe for me to do these things and I still want to.
I rather doubt you are in the category to which the OP is referring.
I notice that the elderly seem to go out of their way to make simple tasks more difficult for themselves. I mean, I see certain deliberate actions, to make a task more complicated or more physically painful.
I live with an 86 year oldwho mostly takes care of himself, but he's dealing with cancer treatment and is maybe suffering slight dimentia. And I live in a building with many older persons, some of whom have caregivers. I don't think people "go out of their way to make simple tasks more difficult ..." Their lives evolve, their midset is affected by all sorts of things ... and they do things in ways they belive are easiest or best for them. It may seem "difficult" for you, but not for them. Walk in their shoes for a while. You will learn more.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
