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I ask this without having an official diagnosis on my mom but I'm curious.
My mom is so mad and sad nearly all the time. Her geriatric doctor wants her to revisit her psychiatrist to address her moods so I'll grease the wheels to make that happen (Mom gets very upset with me/my dad when we take her to the doctor----"why are you making my appts? why am I back at this doctor?")
In the meantime, I would love feedback on my question. Can people with memory loss lead happy lives? It would be sooooo much easier on my dad and myself if she wasn't so glum/angry all the time.
I cannot comment in any sort of professional sense and this is not based on any research or anything, just anecdotal.
My Grandma was peaceful, "happy" in the later years of her dementia. I put happy in quotation marks because I don't know if one can be truly happy when they are no longer themselves, without getting too philosophical here. What I am saying though is that in the beginning it was very hard for her. She would get very upset, threaten to call the police when we wouldn't give her the car keys, resisted any attempts to help her, and when my mother moved in with her out of necessity (for my Grandmother's safety) she would frequently tell her to get the hell out of her house, that she didn't need help, etc.
Over time this changed and she became more and more like a sweet, docile child, which was easier in terms of caregiving but heartbreaking in a way to those of us who remembered her for the fiesty, and not necessarily "nice" woman she was, if that makes sense. She never got to the point where she didn't remember us. She would get names confused but she never really mistook any of us for strangers, even if she couldn't get the title right at the moment (daughter, grandchild, great grandchild, son) she still knew we were family in some way and familiar to her, and she was content to sit and chat and watch a TV show with you, pet the cat, go to a sporting event, etc. She became very easy to please. She was still able to tell stories, if asked, about things that happened in her childhood or her life as a young woman. She stopped being combative.
I cannot comment in any sort of professional sense and this is not based on any research or anything, just anecdotal.
My Grandma was peaceful, "happy" in the later years of her dementia. I put happy in quotation marks because I don't know if one can be truly happy when they are no longer themselves, without getting too philosophical here. What I am saying though is that in the beginning it was very hard for her. She would get very upset, threaten to call the police when we wouldn't give her the car keys, resisted any attempts to help her, and when my mother moved in with her out of necessity (for my Grandmother's safety) she would frequently tell her to get the hell out of her house, that she didn't need help, etc.
Over time this changed and she became more and more like a sweet, docile child, which was easier in terms of caregiving but heartbreaking in a way to those of us who remembered her for the fiesty, and not necessarily "nice" woman she was, if that makes sense. She never got to the point where she didn't remember us. She would get names confused but she never really mistook any of us for strangers, even if she couldn't get the title right at the moment (daughter, grandchild, great grandchild, son) she still knew we were family in some way and familiar to her, and she was content to sit and chat and watch a TV show with you, pet the cat, go to a sporting event, etc. She became very easy to please. She was still able to tell stories, if asked, about things that happened in her childhood or her life as a young woman. She stopped being combative.
Thank you Sally. Your story was very insightful. I look forward to my mom becoming less combative as well.
My neurologist told me that people with Alzheimers are the happiest people around, their faces are smooth and unlined and they are generally cheerful. That was when they misdiagnosed me with Alzheimers.
My mother has advanced alzheimers and she has turned into the sweetest person and just positive minded. (she was feisty and easily riled in the past) She is now cooperative and chatty and we have the most delightful conversations which she immediately forgets.
She is just getting past the point where she knows she has a memory problem, and it bothered her at first. But she is tough minded and she forgave herself; so it didn't really get her down too much.
I believe they can be happy. I think my mom is pretty happy, I speak with her every day. She had a stroke a little over a year ago and was diagnosed with vascular dementia. Like theoldnorthstate my mom has become incredibly sweet and positive. Whereas I once dreaded my weekly phone calls with her I now look forward to our daily conversations. We laugh and reminisce and have an absolutely lovely time. Sometimes she remembers what we talked about, sometimes not. It doesn't matter.
Many seniors fall into depression and your mom may need a little boost from an antidepressant. Her doctor will determine that.
I suggest reading and researching the Alzheimer's Association website ALZ.org. It is a wonderful resource and I have learned a lot. Overview | Alzheimer's Association Depression and Alzheimer's | Caregiver Center | Alzheimer's Association
Alzheimer's was the last of a long line of debilitating diseases my mate was diagnosed with. My mate was blind and tethered to xygen 24/7, 30 pills and 4 lung treatments daily.
My guess is the onset was very slow moving and didn't show up for years. When it finally emerged it was in angry accusations, extreme forgetfulness, and phone calls to the police if I went to the grocery store. The Alzheimer drug and "Aunt Carol" a senior sitter made a huge difference. Carol had visited many times with her nephew -- this was not the same as introducing a total stranger to my mate.
The drug may take 3 weeks to kick but after that it was smooth sailing. I lived with these chronic medical problems in a palliative care setting for a long time. I would get gram on the pill and give it a chance to work before I took her to a psychiatrist that can't do much except take her/your money.
Alz' patients really don't like [1]change in the house, [2] change in their daily routine, or [3] feeling frightened and helpless when being left alone with strangers -- which is why I asked Carol for help. Mate always groused a little about why Aunt Carol had to be there. I always said it was because I would be gone all day shopping; I didn't want to worry. It was a satisfactory explanation. It was always followed by "Why were you gone so long?" when I returned. Bringing dinner and sometimes beer home always smoothed the way because my mated was easily distracted by "something" different that wasn't normally in the house.
Alzheimer's can be one of the many end of life stages. It is not much fun for the patient or the family. You can't stop it, you can only hope to slow it so the patient stays calm.
I can't speak to Alzheimer's. I understand it can be very difficult, though.
But I have anecdotal experience very similar to Sally_Sparrow, and interestingly enough this came up in conversation a few days ago.
I'm a hospice volunteer and one of my "regulars" who I've known for just about a year now has recently started descending into dementia. For much of the last year, she has been querulous and fairly "difficult" (although feisty and fun and sharp as a tack) but more often unhappy about being old, sick, and with family that she feels is just "waiting for her to die." She is in her 80s and has congestive heart failure and has been having a hard time dealing with difficulty with mobility and being dependent on others for help walking, toileting and so on. She's just been moved from home to assisted living and in her previous brief stints in hospital or nursing homes, she has been very distressed and angry about it. This time she's quite chill.
Just this last month, she has been living in the past - calling her main caregiver daughter by her sister's name, reminiscing at length about her early life, thinking that I am a childhood friend of hers, forgetting words (pillows are "bed squares", socks are "soft feet", etc) and generally rambling on in a fairly entertaining way.
But the cool thing is: she seems more content now. She rarely complains. She smiles a lot more - something her older daughter and I both commented on during my last visit with her. She's been on Ativan (a tranquilizer/sleeping pill) as needed every four hours for many months but hasn't needed it as much lately. I don't know if this is a normal sort of progression but I do like to see her happier.
I've met many happy people who also have Alzheimer's disease or some other form of dementia.
I will add that sometimes as a person is transitioning from one stage to the next, we'll notice increased agitation and combativeness. Not in everyone, but quite a few.
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