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One adult child took care of both the mother and father for the last few years, including moving across the country to be with them.
The other adult child has done nothing. Visited once a year but spends more time out and about in a rental car than with the parents. This child lives 1500 miles away.
Mother passed away last year and now the caregiver child is taking care of dad, he has been in the hospital twice in the last two months, the other child very rarely even calls.
Didn't even know the father was in the hospital this month as they don't call, and the father requested that he not be told as he doesn't call anyway. He did finally find out after the fact after calling for the first time in over 2 weeks.
Now this adult child called almost daily when he was impacted by Hurricane Sandy to share that he still had no power. But those calls stopped once power was restored.
Now it look like there will be changes to the will per the father who realizes that one child did everything and the other nothing.
What do you think is fair in this situation. Mother a couple of years before she passed wanted to make it 60/40 with the caregiver child getting more, father wasn't sure he wanted to do that, but has since changed his mind now that he needs more assistance.
I want to add that by the one child moving across the country and moving in with the parents a large portion of assets were saved that would have gone to a assisted living or a nursing home as there is no way the parents could have lived on their own.
One adult child took care of both the mother and father for the last few years, including moving across the country to be with them.
The other adult child has done nothing. Visited once a year but spends more time out and about in a rental car than with the parents. This child lives 1500 miles away.
Mother passed away last year and now the caregiver child is taking care of dad, he has been in the hospital twice in the last two months, the other child very rarely even calls.
Didn't even know the father was in the hospital this month as they don't call, and the father requested that he not be told as he doesn't call anyway. He did finally find out after the fact after calling for the first time in over 2 weeks.
Now this adult child called almost daily when he was impacted by Hurricane Sandy to share that he still had no power. But those calls stopped once power was restored.
Now it look like there will be changes to the will per the father who realizes that one child did everything and the other nothing.
What do you think is fair in this situation. Mother a couple of years before she passed wanted to make it 60/40 with the caregiver child getting more, father wasn't sure he wanted to do that, but has since changed his mind now that he needs more assistance.
I want to add that by the one child moving across the country and moving in with the parents a large portion of assets were saved that would have gone to a assisted living or a nursing home as there is no way the parents could have lived on their own.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Thanks.
Ans: Whatever the person writing the will wants. Wills have nothing to do with who did what for whom. They're not about payment for services rendered. They are about how a person wants to distribute what they own after they die. They are NOT an entitlement. If you want to be paid for caregiving, ask to be paid for caregiving.
As a parent, I would not give more to one child because that child provided care for me. My children are my children, period. They are not less because they were not the one in position to provide hands on care. I do not owe anything to the one who does more (there always seems to be one). My estate, albeit small, isn't about that.
Ans: Whatever the person writing the will wants. Wills have nothing to do with who did what for whom. They're not about payment for services rendered. They are about how a person wants to distribute what they own after they die. They are NOT an entitlement. If you want to be paid for caregiving, ask to be paid for caregiving.
As a parent, I would not give more to one child because that child provided care for me. My children are my children, period. They are not less because they were not the one in position to provide hands on care. I do not owe anything to the one who does more (there always seems to be one). My estate, albeit small, isn't about that.
Doesn't sound like you have any experience in caregiving at all. Maybe when you're at an age when you need assistance from your adult children and you find out the hard way that one child does it all(which in many times is the case) and another does little to nothing you will change your tune.
Doesn't sound like you have any experience in caregiving at all. Maybe when you're at an age when you need assistance from your adult children and you find out the hard way that one child does it all(which in many times is the case) and another does little to nothing you will change your tune.
Well then I guess you already have your own preconceived notion, so why did you even bother to ask the question for the thoughts of others!?
whatever is done I would advise seeing a good attorney since the will could if not equal be tied up with a dispute.
The one who then gets rich are the lawyers. Maybe set up an agreement to pay the child who is doing the work now.
money never brings out the best in most people.
The caregiver should be paid out of the estate, and if they need additional help, it should be paid that way as well. They would of course be responsible for paying taxes on wages earned. The person providing the care wants to pretend they don't have monetary expectations and they're doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, but clearly they do... If they need the money, it might be perfectly reasonable. Until the parent dies, there is no way to know that there will be ANY estate anyway.
And yes, I cared for my Grandmother years ago, even though I was not paid. My aunt took over her care and was paid very well. I was prepared to use the funds to have help come in. My grandmother complained that my aunt was not doing a good job, or treating her well, and only wanted the money. It gets complicated quickly.
Sibling relationships shouldn't be effected by these type of monetary issues. If "someone" is unhappy with the visitation of the other, they should have a conversation with them.
Folks, this is a constructive forum - not a debate forum, please. Offer help and assistance where you can, but from the place of help and not of criticism. Thank you.
My parents had 3 children, 2 boys and a girl, me. All three of us gave them plenty of grief, but, nonetheless, all three were given thousands of dollars throughout the life of the parents. An example is they sold some property for $30,000 and sent each of us $10,000. My older brother died at 40, from alcoholism and younger brother married a woman from a very different religion. He converted and it devastated our parents. I was their caregiver for many years, but, even prior to that, I was made co-owner to all they had and the sole beneficiary in their will, although others were mentioned. It is what they wanted to do.
I am the one who did everything for my mother. My brother lived 25 minutes from her, I lived 2 hours, yet I was always the one who had to go over and check when she didn't answer her daily call, go take her food shopping, etc, etc. Every trip, I paid for my own gas as well as $10.50 in tolls. Might I add that my brother was unemployed for the entire last year my Mom was in her home, while I worked full time. When we did her will, the lawyer asked her how she wanted it split, and she said 50/50. I was very upset about it, it just wasn't right IMO. I also want to add, I know for a fact that my Mom will not have a penny left when she finally dies. This was not about money, but principle. I finally told her how I felt and she changed it to 60/40, which I was fine with.
Sounds to me like you are talking about a useless brother. I had one of those.
This is what my mother did. She lived with me and my family for 10 years before she went into an assisted living facility. She recognized my husband and I were doing the lion's share of the work--in fact all of it as my brother was in a drunken stupor for years and didn't come to see her for 3 years though he lived 30 minutes away. When she broke up housekeeping DH and I sold everything including car, furniture and house. We put it in a checking account which was used to reimburse us for her expenses. This was done at her suggestion as she had talked to many of her friends who had gone through the same thing.
As far as will she left most of her sizable estate to me because she was mad at my brother. She was adamant that his children get very little as one disowned our whole family by changing her name to her step father's and the other followed in the footsteps of his father. I was named executrix. But it was all moot because my brother died before she did anyway which was not much of a surprise. He died at 56. Mother lived to be 86.
I do not believe in splitting things 50-50 unless there has been a shared responsibility-especially if the caretaker has endured some hardships to care for the person.And taking that person into their home or giving up one's life is a hardship. Also wills should be changed when circumstances change. While people are healthy and have young adult children then you can see 50-50 but as life changes wills should change as well. Divorce, death, illness all should be considered when leaving estates to adult children.
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Well then I guess you already have your own preconceived notion, so why did you even bother to ask the question for the thoughts of others!?
