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It's exhausting. I have been doing it for ten years (not the primary caregiver, but totally responsible for everything else).
The elderly female expects me to entertain her, as well as take care of every detail of her life. She has literally said that my life can wait. It is all about her.
I would like to wake up one morning and think ONLY of myself and what I want to do that day. I would like NOT to get phone calls that her sewer is backed up, she did not like her dinner (called it "garbage" and demanded to know if I ate the same thing), etc.
I am just venting. There is nothing that can be done. Thanks for listening.
I did it for 35 years. Yes the sewer is an issue. So is her heath and well being. Even if you are related you need a Medical Power of Attorney and a Durable Power of Attorney (whatever your state calls these documents) to pay bills, etc.. If you have the job you need the legal tools to do it.
You can set limits. You must set time for yourself. Every day, or at the least twice a week when the caregiver is in the house. Check with your state and look for Senior Services. Unless the woman is wealthy you should be able to arrange for home help to clean and cook - in which case you should be absent. If the food is that bad find a new cook.
I know this is no consolation, but it harder to do your job and live in the same house. My spouse was sick for 25 years. In addition to the normal issues I dispensed medicines, cooked a special diet, repaired medical equipment, and did all the things required to maintain it properly.
I did it for 35 years. Yes the sewer is an issue. So is her heath and well being. Even if you are related you need a Medical Power of Attorney and a Durable Power of Attorney (whatever your state calls these documents) to pay bills, etc.. If you have the job you need the legal tools to do it.
You can set limits. You must set time for yourself. Every day, or at the least twice a week when the caregiver is in the house. Check with your state and look for Senior Services. Unless the woman is wealthy you should be able to arrange for home help to clean and cook - in which case you should be absent. If the food is that bad find a new cook.
I know this is no consolation, but it harder to do your job and live in the same house. My spouse was sick for 25 years. In addition to the normal issues I dispensed medicines, cooked a special diet, repaired medical equipment, and did all the things required to maintain it properly.
Cannot even IMAGINE . . . 35 years? Yikes.
I was just venting.
Thank you.
She had one meal she didn't like. It was fish but the caregiver didn't tell her that and she thought it was some kind of rotten meat. And she got vicious about it. She likes fish and the next week was served the same thing and was told what it was and liked it.
I know you are not specifically looking for suggestions, but is there a reason you need to pick up the phone every time your relative calls, when there is a caregiver with her who will presumably notify you of any bona fide emergencies?
I am never prepared for viciousness. I just can't wrap my head around it.
The caregivers are very kind. I feel sorry for them. She swears at them and treats them like servants and slams doors and everything. She has always been this way. I did tell her to please treat the caregivers more kindly and she asked "why?"
It's exhausting. I have been doing it for ten years (not the primary caregiver, but totally responsible for everything else).
The elderly female expects me to entertain her, as well as take care of every detail of her life. She has literally said that my life can wait. It is all about her.
I would like to wake up one morning and think ONLY of myself and what I want to do that day. I would like NOT to get phone calls that her sewer is backed up, she did not like her dinner (called it "garbage" and demanded to know if I ate the same thing), etc.
I am just venting. There is nothing that can be done. Thanks for listening.
Remember when you said that my being a 9 could mean that my will belonged to somebody else? Well, I feel that this situation is parallel to one that my mother and I have with my step-brother.
He is so self-neglecting, that he will sit in his own waste for hours…
Is there a reason you are taking care of this woman?
I would think that since Te comes first in your judging stack, rationalizing would be key here.
Remember, I'm the feeler, so feeling-based arguements are normal for me.
I am getting a strong feeling of Fi from this post. I highlighted key words…
I am just trying to help you like you helped me…
I am never prepared for viciousness. I just can't wrap my head around it.
The caregivers are very kind. I feel sorry for them. She swears at them and treats them like servants and slams doors and everything. She has always been this way. I did tell her to please treat the caregivers more kindly and she asked "why?"
She is ignorant…
…do you happen to know her type?
If she is ESxJ, she will never change at her age…
Anything else you could work with if you start with a theory…
It's exhausting. I have been doing it for ten years (not the primary caregiver, but totally responsible for everything else).
The elderly female expects me to entertain her, as well as take care of every detail of her life. She has literally said that my life can wait. It is all about her.
I would like to wake up one morning and think ONLY of myself and what I want to do that day. I would like NOT to get phone calls that her sewer is backed up, she did not like her dinner (called it "garbage" and demanded to know if I ate the same thing), etc.
I am just venting. There is nothing that can be done. Thanks for listening.
That is very easy to arrange imcurious...just turn off your phone It wouldn't be "wrong" for you to "wake up one morning and think only of myself"...why don't you? Once in awhile it's good to take care of you...not someone else. If you don't life can become very stressful. Must this woman see you every day?..Can't you tell her you won't be around a couple of days (staggered if you want) a week?..and then just don't answer your phone?
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