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Regardless of who helps you find a facility, you have to do your research and look with your own eyes and ears.
I don't think people who run businesses like "A Place for Mom' have evil intentions or are in it just for money. But it is quite possible they aren't very good at evaluating the needs of the elder or the capabilities of the facility!
We are moving towards placing my dad...unfortunately, my Mom prefers one place and I don't think it is adequate. Since she is so difficult, I think we are going to have to do it her way and pray for the best.
Many state government offices publish violations and penalties on their web site. You should always check with them first before considering a facility.
My experiences with ALFs are mixed, but mostly OK. Both ALFs my mom lived in, in two different states, seemed to meet most of her needs. However the care gets more difficult as the physical problems increase. My sister found evidence of neglect at least once, and she responded to that. I think that you can't simply put mom or dad in an ALF in a distant location. A family member needs to be engaged in the care he or she is supposed to be receiving.
I also believe that as elders decline in physical health and mobility, they need to be housed closer to the dining room (which should be pleasant, nicely furnished and well lit) and to the common rooms. But I've never known of a room reassignment based on these factors.
Something also to be checked is the food in the dining room. In my experience, it will be mediocre but I could never detect any dissatisfaction about this from my mom.
Something to ask when checking out an ALF is if the facility has had any outbreaks of illness that caused intervention by the city or county. Norovirus can sweep through these places, and kitchen sanitation can be the culprit.
But overall, I think ALFs serve a function for families that cannot care for their elders themselves. You have to choose carefully. Take your time choosing, if at all possible. Expect monthly rent to be expensive. Understand that the direct caregivers are all underpaid.
About the dining hall, yes staying in a room near it is certainly a good idea, my mother is down the hall from theirs, maybe 5-6 rooms away and it's very easy for her to navigate in her walker (most use them there). When my mother briefly stayed in another nice but very large alf during a renovation, the dining hall was on another floor and understandably she got confused but ended up liking it so much she didn't want to go back to the original one but eventually she did but missed the larger place ( although now, a few mos later, can barely remember it and is quite content in the original smaller alf which was a lot closer for family members to visit). She did have a friend in another alf who would get lost going to her dining hall and they did need to reassign her to a closer location.
Something also to be checked is the food in the dining room. In my experience, it will be mediocre but I could never detect any dissatisfaction about this from my mom....
My mom had Alzheimers pretty badly when she moved into an ALF. We had to move both her and my dad there when his legs were mostly paralyzed from back surgery and he could no longer care for her. It wasn't hard to convince her that they were staying at a spa of sorts where he could get treatment. (Not far from the truth.) But she complained about the food. I ate there a couple times, and she'd always be embarrassed about the food and tell Dad that "We should have gone to a better restaurant". The food was far from great, but it was decent -- similar to what you'd get at a school cafeteria. We'd sometimes bring them dinner or a snack of some kind to share in the room.
About the dining hall, yes staying in a room near it is certainly a good idea, my mother is down the hall from theirs, maybe 5-6 rooms away and it's very easy for her to navigate in her walker (most use them there). When my mother briefly stayed in another nice but very large alf during a renovation, the dining hall was on another floor and understandably she got confused but ended up liking it so much she didn't want to go back to the original one but eventually she did but missed the larger place ( although now, a few mos later, can barely remember it and is quite content in the original smaller alf which was a lot closer for family members to visit). She did have a friend in another alf who would get lost going to her dining hall and they did need to reassign her to a closer location.
My mom didn't want to use the bathroom in her room. So she had accidents. This was a late development. I wish now we had broached the subject of a room reassignment.
My mom had Alzheimers pretty badly when she moved into an ALF. We had to move both her and my dad there when his legs were mostly paralyzed from back surgery and he could no longer care for her. It wasn't hard to convince her that they were staying at a spa of sorts where he could get treatment. (Not far from the truth.) But she complained about the food. I ate there a couple times, and she'd always be embarrassed about the food and tell Dad that "We should have gone to a better restaurant". The food was far from great, but it was decent -- similar to what you'd get at a school cafeteria. We'd sometimes bring them dinner or a snack of some kind to share in the room.
You have described the food as I experienced it very well. This is a sore spot with me. I feel for the rent they charge, the food could be much better.
However, my mom complained about food at the first ALF, but not the second. Food was never an issue, even with the complaints from the first place. She had other complaints, but never about the food.
My mother loves the food -actually from day 1- and as confused as she is at times, never misses a meal ( well, hardly ever, there have been a couple instances that I'm aware of), unfort she forgets other activities that she'd like to go to but has to be reminded right before, an hr is sometimes too early and she pretty much forgets. She usually doesn't rem. the meals either ( what she ate). One alf had a nice salad bar, it was like being in a rest. And the food was that good but it was hard for a lot of them to balance the dishes using a walker. Has problems using the tv remote and bc of that, missed most of the Christmas tv shows she ordinarily enjoyed which is a shame but outwardly seems not to care at all, wants that tv off when anyone turns it on for her, there's only so much one can do
My grandmother was in an ALF that cost $5,000/month. At the end of her life, the staff ignored her. She died peacefully a few days after hospice came in however the staff demanded my father and his sister clean out her room ASAP or they would charge them for another month. One of the most horrific displays of greed I've seen in my life.
When someone places an elder in an ALF, I advise reading the fine print about leaving the facility. I expected to be charged an extra month when my mom had to move to an LTC, but we got a refund instead. But we could have been charged according to my reading of the contract when we placed her there.
Read the contract thoroughly to understand it before signing up.
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The food was far from great, but it was decent -- similar to what you'd get at a school cafeteria. We'd sometimes bring them dinner or a snack of some kind to share in the room.
