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I agree, or at least call your county's Office on Aging. Medicaid is based on income, not functioning, and there are assisted living facilities that will take Medicaid residents. The office I suggested above will have lists of them for you. Then at least you can show you are doing something, even if it's only getting her on waiting lists.
Medicaid is based on income, yes, but I believe you have to have be nursing-home eligible in my state to qualify for Medicaid coverage. In other words, a medical evaluation of your functioning. I'm not sure what the standards are exactly (it's impossible to find any clear articulation of it online), but I think you have to have impairments of at least some ADLs, and she mostly has impairments of IADLs.
We have been told we will be charged with elder abuse by abandonment. We have been reported 3x to the police. Initially, we paid to have someone come to our mother's home on weekdays and my brother or I would be there on weekends (meaning I would have to fly there). However, with each police report we have had to escalate her coverage and are now at 24/7. The next time if there's another incident we will lose ability to provide her care and she will become a ward of adult protective services. They will put her in a facility. It would be a facility where she will not have a private room or private bathroom and her Medicare will cover the cost of care. She is a very private person and cannot stand others to enter her room or home. So, in our case, we have the ability to provide a situation that would be more comfortable.
However, if we did not have the funds -- a combination of her savings and our personal contributions -- for a private pay facility we would need to find a facility that accepts medicare.
Yes, you can be charged for abandonment unless you see an elder attorney and draw up documents disavowing all ties with your parent. If I were in your situation, I would contact your state's office of aging or adult protective services.
Thank you for a post that actually responded to the question I asked!!
As for disavowing all ties with her, I would never do that. She's my mother, for pete's sake! Just because I won't wait on her 24/7 doesn't mean I'm willing to legally disavow all ties with her (if there even is such a legal process in my state, which I doubt). It's not a question of inheritance - she's penniless, although she will inherit from me if she outlives me.
Also, having her in a wheelchair should help alot. Wondering if she is in one during waking hours?
You're right, having her in a wheelchair would help a lot, and no, she's not in one during waking hours. I have pushed for this before and gotten nowhere. One problem is, her house is not really wheelchair accessible, in terms of hallways and doorways. Other problem is, you can't make her do anything. She is the type of person who, given a choice between something that would make her more dependent and something that would make her more independent, will always choose to be more dependent. In other words, she'd rather sit in her chair and be waited on that be able to get around in a wheelchair and do things for herself.
naw, just wait till she falls and breaks a hip or worse. Then she's go into a nursing home and you can continue to just ignore her needs.
Oh for God's sake - there's a world of difference between refusing to be a 24/7 unpaid servant and "continuing to ignore her needs." There's no way in the world I could meet her needs, even if I were willing to be a 24/7 caregiver. The last time she fell, I was still asleep at 7:30 on a Sunday morning (in the same house). The time before that, I was brushing my teeth (in the same house). I can't stop her from falling and I can't pick her up by myself, either. What do you think I should do - hover over her over waking second, to the exclusion of meals, bathroom breaks, bathing, and any life of my own?
I would think that being able to show good faith effort and her refusal to move to assisted living or a nursing home etc etc. and that you applied for such a situation....would go a long way towards protecting you from legalities.
I would think its a state by state situation. Usually, elders who live in their own home, and are mentally/financially competent - with children living in other states -- the state does not come after the family for the elders situation.
However, if you are living in the same home with the person, or providing some level of care (but not sufficient) - that's more likely to reflect in a charge of abuse/etc. if the vulnerable person is harmed in some way while in your care (no different than a child being harmed).
See, this is what I suspected was the case. If you totally ignore the parent (like most of my siblings do), you're off the hook. But if you provide care, and it's not sufficient to keep the parent safe, you can be held liable. Talk about no good deed going unpunished!!! I think that's so wrong.
I think it's very different from a child being harmed. One is that you choose to bring a child into the world, you're responsible for them while they're dependent. Two is that you have control over a child. You have the legal right to modify their situation in any way necessary for their well being. You have no legal rights at all with a parent, unless they're legally incompetent and you've been appointed as their guardian.
Medicaid is based on income, yes, but I believe you have to have be nursing-home eligible in my state to qualify for Medicaid coverage. In other words, a medical evaluation of your functioning. I'm not sure what the standards are exactly (it's impossible to find any clear articulation of it online), but I think you have to have impairments of at least some ADLs, and she mostly has impairments of IADLs.
No, this doesn't sound right. I have an adult son with DS and Medicaid is a sort of health insurance based on income and assets not his abilities or disabilities. Now, there could additional criteria for more supports for aged recipients. Eldercare services could be available under Medicaid at no cost to her where someone would come in for a certain number of hours as determined by the level of her need. You need to talk with social services about your situation. There may be assisted living available with supports that would keep her out of a nursing home and costs could be based on a sliding scale based on income. Obviously, if she injures herself badly and ends up in a nursing home, she may not get back out of there. I wouldn't wait.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannagonorth
Thank you for a post that actually responded to the question I asked!!
As for disavowing all ties with her, I would never do that. She's my mother, for pete's sake! Just because I won't wait on her 24/7 doesn't mean I'm willing to legally disavow all ties with her (if there even is such a legal process in my state, which I doubt). It's not a question of inheritance - she's penniless, although she will inherit from me if she outlives me.
No reasonable person would expect you to give up your life to care for her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannagonorth
Oh for God's sake - there's a world of difference between refusing to be a 24/7 unpaid servant and "continuing to ignore her needs." There's no way in the world I could meet her needs, even if I were willing to be a 24/7 caregiver. The last time she fell, I was still asleep at 7:30 on a Sunday morning (in the same house). The time before that, I was brushing my teeth (in the same house). I can't stop her from falling and I can't pick her up by myself, either. What do you think I should do - hover over her over waking second, to the exclusion of meals, bathroom breaks, bathing, and any life of my own?
Any chance that you can tell us which state you are in so that someone might be able to guide you a little better? It just seems you need to hook up with social services in your area and they can guide you. This link might help: Medicaid Eligibility - Medicaid or maybe this one: https://www.healthcare.gov/do-i-qual.../#state=kansas And, the only issue that I might see, being the caregiver of an adult myself, would be that you are aware that your mother is probably an adult in need of care and are not acting on that. And, it is different overseeing my son as an adult compared to just being a parent, a lot different with a lot of risk.
It is my understanding that in Georgia a lot of the Assisted Living Facilities are now called Personal Care Homes. And, yes there are many people who are pretty much bed bound that are in some of these facilities. Been there, done that twice.
We all have our unique family matters going on. I do not think those of us who have not had a particular disease/mental/physical should be second guessing people who make whatever plans they do for their parent's or loved ones. I have been thru one parent dying of ovarian cancer. There was enough of us who took turns caring for her. Both of my in-laws ended up with dementia, strokes, etc. They did go to an Assisted Living Facility. We were 2 miles from there and were in and out all the time. They were taken much better care than their son or I could do for them. We made a choice, we lived with it, held our heads up high.
So, if you have not walked in those shoes...
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