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Old 08-01-2014, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,594,231 times
Reputation: 24104

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He has been in every rehab there is, and is not interested in any of them.
My job is to clean up after him, prepare his meals, which he does not eat much, encouragement to exercise, shower, etc. run errands, etc.
He shows me signs of wanting to get stronger and get out of his wheelchair. He told me just today, that he needed me to help him slow down on his smoking.
I have been encouraging him to drink more water, but its tough.

I guess my question would be how do I get him to eat more?
He has a very loose bowel, and with all the alcohol he consumes, its not a surprise!

I am only with him 3 days a week for 5 hrs a day. I call him on my days off, and will take him food, so I know he is eating.
He is very weak, but I want him to get better! He is killing himself, but how do I get him to see the "light?"
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Old 08-01-2014, 05:14 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,103 posts, read 8,555,422 times
Reputation: 9793
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
but how do I get him to see the "light?"
You can't. Bless you for trying to help! I strongly suggest that you attend the nearest Al-Anon meetings.

These are free and have been very helpful for those who are close to someone struggling with alcoholism.

Here is more information:

Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups

Last edited by Meemur; 08-01-2014 at 05:22 PM..
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Old 08-01-2014, 06:32 PM
 
3,637 posts, read 3,755,255 times
Reputation: 5549
Run. Away.

Typical alky behavior. He's trying to make you responsible for his well-being. He can. You can't. He won't. It will be your fault in his addled brain. This dude is crossing lines/boundaries by playing to your need to be helpful.

Surely there are other who can benefit from the work you do. Do you work for an agency? Most screen clients to prevent situations like this.

I happen to be reading this with my old Al-anon sponsor next to me. She added "Fast" to my advice to run. Then she said, "He's two years old and doesn't know any better." He's an adult. Treat him like one. What you describe is enabling. Really. Won't make sense to you, but you are keeping him in that dependent state.
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Old 08-01-2014, 07:49 PM
 
Location: Not where you ever lived
11,535 posts, read 30,134,720 times
Reputation: 6423
The guy is a dedicated drunk. As long as he is feeling sorry for himself he has zero desire to get sober or stay sober. A forced AA meeting every day for one year will probably turn the tide, but, he will not cooperate, and NO JUDGE in his right mind will order it.

Your job is an exercise in futility. Stop feeling sorry for him. He does not need sympathy; it feeds self-pity. He needs a kick in the arse to get him going.
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Old 08-01-2014, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,594,231 times
Reputation: 24104
No, I do not work for an agency, just private care.
The family hired me, in hopes to monitor his behavior. Apparently, they did not realize his bad living conditions, or just how bad off he was, and threatened to admit him if he did not agree to straighten up.
This could be all for show for them, but he tells me that he WANTS to get better.

So..you think I should just run away from this situation? This is my job. I like a challenge. I love to help.
I don`t want to disable him in any way..just want to make things better for him.
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Old 08-01-2014, 08:04 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,103 posts, read 8,555,422 times
Reputation: 9793
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
just want to make things better for him.
This is the point we are trying to make: you can't help him. He has to want to help himself. Al-Anon will help you to come to terms with that. Go to a meeting tomorrow if you can -- the sooner the better.
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Old 08-01-2014, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,594,231 times
Reputation: 24104
Quote:
Originally Posted by linicx View Post

Your job is an exercise in futility. Stop feeling sorry for him. He does not need sympathy; it feeds self-pity. He needs a kick in the arse to get him going.
I have been trying to be forceful with him, as much as I can, without coming across as "nagging."
He does not like anyone to nag at him, and that will get you nowhere with him.

I talk to him, and try to get him to see how bad off he is, without crititizing (sp?) him.
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Old 08-01-2014, 09:47 PM
 
3,637 posts, read 3,755,255 times
Reputation: 5549
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
I have been trying to be forceful with him, as much as I can, without coming across as "nagging."
He does not like anyone to nag at him, and that will get you nowhere with him.

I talk to him, and try to get him to see how bad off he is, without crititizing (sp?) him.
You are on a path to a bad habit. I'm sure you are an intelligent person who is quite good at sensing how to get along with others. I'm sure you are also reasonable and considerate.

I can promise you that you will see some signs of success. I can promise you that you will lower the bar for what you consider improvement.

I can promise that your client will be grateful for this and that.

I can promise you that this will end in frustration, and maybe even guilt, for you and no significant improvement for him.

And, then? It remains to be seen if you repeat your exercise in futility or figure out why you stayed in an employment situation like this.
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Old 08-01-2014, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,869 posts, read 16,253,891 times
Reputation: 29229
Offer to take him to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. He knows what that is if he's been to rehab. It won't cost you or him a thing except an hour of your time and gas money to get there. You can sit there with him as long as AA advertises it as an "open meeting."

But if he won't go then he wants to keep drinking and NOTHING you can do will make him stop. He just wants you to help him be a functioning alcoholic instead of an out-of-control, dying alcoholic. If you're an employee, it's your choice how to address that.

But don't let him manipulate you. The only way anyone stops drinking is to stop. And free support is available via AA. But if he rejects that, all you can do is clean up after him as you're paid to do. Just out of curiosity, where does he get this alcohol that he drinks?

This is a list of phone numbers you can call in Tennessee to find meetings located near you:
Alcoholics Anonymous : Find Local A.A.
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Old 08-02-2014, 05:28 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,976,458 times
Reputation: 3061
Not sure if you are a nurse or anyone that is involved in his care plan, but there is medication out there for depression and also to control cravings for alcohol. I would make a suggestion to your superiors/employer or his case manager to help him get evaluated by a physician.

Alcoholism : Addiction Medication : The Addiction Recovery Guide
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