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You know what? Bad things happen sometimes. Your grandpa is already in a very dire situation. You can't change his condition. You are feeling like you are taking a big risk by hiring caregivers, but you are taking a VERY big risk if you don't. You know this.
Your anxiety is getting the better of you right now. This process will not be without bumps in the road. nothing is. You will do this just like you do everything else: one day at a time.
Thank you everyone for all your suggestions. I do appreciate hearing everyone's thoughts and views.
My grandpa has been a widow for 19 yrs. So he has eaten out for many of his meals. Simply because he doesn't like to cook and it's social activity for to go out to eat. He has belonged to both country clubs for 20+ years. Everyone that works at them knows him well and by name. A few of the staff have worked there as long as he has been a member. He often would dine alone but it would never feel that way since he knew everyone. I don't feel these are very high end type clubs but maybe that's just cause I'm used to them. They have some rules like u can't wear jeans an tennis shoes but are sorta relaxes. He doesn't eat in the main dining room and eats in the pub/bar area so it's more relaxed. There are 3 or 4 other restaurants he eats at and at those everyone that works there knows him and his name. In fact I feel that anywhere we go the staff or workers or cashier or who ever know him and his name. He has lives wher he lives for 29 years. Originally it was a small town now it is much much larger.
Thank you everyone who said it's ok to be there tomorrow for the first day and to check in whenever I want. I don't know how to describe the feeling I'm having about all this but if I had children I would guess that the way I feel now about my grandpa is similar to your child's first day of school.
Valuables are hard to lock up. Lolls it's have to say if people will consider things valuable like china silver and crystal. Also my grandmother had about 20-30 of those little Hummel (spelling?) figurines. I believe they are work something but I'm not sure if it's a lot or if they would be worth stealing to someone else. I will remove all my grandmothers jewelry that my grandpa still has. His wallet is tricky because he will need his credit card or cash if he goes anywhere.
I will continue doing his grocery shopping for the time being and maybe that will change in the future and maybe it won't. I'm still going to set up his weeklyy pull boxes also.
I've spent the majority of the past 2 days setting up and putting together a binder for the caregivers. With any and all information I think they could need. From phone numbers and addresses to meds to foods he likes dislikes. Restaurant, meal idea for at home. A list of where things are. Concerns I have about him and things he doesn't do. Tips and things they should know about him. A calendar. Things l want them to do daily or weekly (nothing major things like take out rubbish one Monday and bring empty can back in garage ties after pick up. Vacuum once a week. Change bedding once a week get mail daily. And maybe another thing or 2) I listed things he needs help with and doesn't need help with yet so they don't have to ask or figure it out by trial and error. I also wrote a letter at the beginning thanking them for coming to help my grandpa, explaining his personality a little, and letting them know to contact me if they have any questions or concern or need anything. It's taken me a lot if time to do it but I feel th more then can know about hi the easier of a transition it will be for everyone. Also if I were a care giver I. Would be thrilled I be given so much info about the person their likes dislikes and routines. I'm not sure if they will read it or use it but I feel better having done it
IMO. Grandpa needs to be in an Assisted Care Facility. You have to be vigilant no matter where he is when he has caregivers, but it seems to me that it is easier to keep on top of things if he is in a safe place all day and night.
If he has valuables put them in a safe deposit box or hide them in the house. He should have no money anywhere. Pay attention if he complains about something. If you have a question about how he is being treated, call. Call often. Ask questions.
Drop in at lunch time a couple of times. to see what he is being given to eat. Note if the TV is on. Figure out a way to make sure he is getting all his meds.
To whom ever made the comment about how May grandpa is if the mid set that he wouldn't feel right or comfortable have his care giver at a restaurant and saying oh she isn't eating you are totally dead on right ! He could and would never be able to do that.
I Think like several have suggested i will call the agency and are what they say about it.
And runwithscissors you comment about car givers and people involved in animal rescue being similar, both attracting crazies or unusual type people (I can't remember ur exact words ) made me both laugh out loud and cringe at the same time. I know exactly the type of people u are referring to in animal rescue world as I have been actively involved with rescue in my area for several years and have met more crazy insane woman then anyone should have to meet in a lifetime lol I'm hoping (praying) that the amount if drama that is in animal rescue is not the same amount as in cargiving world.
IMO. Grandpa needs to be in an Assisted Care Facility. You have to be vigilant no matter where he is when he has caregivers, but it seems to me that it is easier to keep on top of things if he is in a safe place all day and night.
If he has valuables put them in a safe deposit box or hide them in the house. He should have no money anywhere. Pay attention if he complains about something. If you have a question about how he is being treated, call. Call often. Ask questions.
Drop in at lunch time a couple of times. to see what he is being given to eat. Note if the TV is on. Figure out a way to make sure he is getting all his meds.
I like the idea of a nanny cam.
This is hard, hard, hard. I wish you luck.
I have spoken to several assisted living places and they seem to feel he may need more than they provide or of he was there I would need to hire an aide independently for him. I think the main reason is him not being able to call someone if he needed help. The memory care places I have spoken to seem to feel he isn't quite ready for memory care and would do better in assisted living. I have also read many many articles that the longer someone is able to stay at home (safely) the better off they will be. And that when u move them it progress there dementia quickly. I feel like I'm stuck on a slow moving merry go round that a speed on trick is about to slam into. I know that's not the best analogy but it's all I can think of rigt now lol.
Clearly he doesn't qualify for Meals on Wheels, if he's eating out 7 or 8 times a week at high-end restaurants. Why he does that, OP doesn't say.
My understanding is meals on wheels is not solely based on money but also on being home bound or not. Or at least in his county that's how it is. Hebwould be able to receive meals on wheels if he wanted. There is a note about a suggested donation per day at the bottom if the info sheet but it is only a suggestion. If he were to use this service I would be sure to give the minimum donation as there are people who can't not afford good it the donation and I believe if the donation can be afford it should be given so that others can benifit from the program as well.
I think your binder is amazing. You made me realize I should have a binder since that info is too scattered for our caregiver. I also think it is good to go the first day and show her everything. And have her do the activities/chores "with you". This helps her know where things are, ask questions etc..
I think your binder is amazing. You made me realize I should have a binder since that info is too scattered for our caregiver. I also think it is good to go the first day and show her everything. And have her do the activities/chores "with you". This helps her know where things are, ask questions etc..
Thank you. It was a lot of work but I feel so worth it especially for the caregivers that have a personality where they either don't want to seem like they don't know something so they wouldn't ask or for the ones that think they know everything so they wouldn't ask or for the ones that are to shy to ask.
Meals on WHeels is not based solely on money. My mother had them come for a while and she wasnt even home-bound (could still drive but didnt very much). The problem was that at that point, she was in an upstairs apt and had to walk down a flight of stairs to let them in and bring it up, then go back down again to shut and lock the door. THat's a lot of steps for an 80+ yo plus she would always go outside to get her paper - and again for the mail - both which came at different times so she was up and down a lot. After about a year, she finally realized she coudlnt stay there and moved to an assisted living which I can honestly say she has liked from Day 1, likes the food, the activities, interacting w/ other people and just the convenience of the place, all on 1 floor plus she's in close proximity to her adult child. She gave up driving when she moved there and rarely leaves the asst liv. unless it's for a med appt or church although the asst liv. does have lunches to area restaurants, plays, the local Target (or Walmart) and other activities, she's just not interested and is happy and content staying where she is, which is fine.
Regarding valuables - where she lives, most rooms have little safes in the wall where they're told to keep jewelry and meds etc - she's on no addictive meds so I doubt any meds are stored there but some of her jewelry is there, the other is w/ another fam. member.
2 other elderly single fam. members had caregivers come in (they lived tog.) - 1 would come in during the day and another at nite and at times there were others who helped out when the other 2 couldnt come in - in hindsight we should have kept better track of their jewelry but they did wear certain pieces and it was something none of us were comfortable w/ suggesting and as we all lived a distance away, we didnt really think about it til after they passed and by then, it was too late as the pieces were missing. How do you tell someone 'give us your jewelry to hold for you bc we dont trust your caregivers bc they might steal it' - ? - naturally they'd wonder why we were leaving them w/ the caregiver(s). And just for the record, the caregivers were very nice, pleasant, well liked and came recommended but the fact remains the jewelry went missing - there wasnt a ton of it but there were some pieces that were in the family and s/h remained in the family as they were sentimental etc.
M uncle (grandfathers son) is throwing a for about how much home car costs. I assume because paying for home care will be taking away from his money (inherintence)
My uncle has been helping some with the care of my grandpa up till now. However I have only had him doing 2 days of the week because my grandpa and uncle fight with each other and because my uncle. Is close to being incompatant himself IMO. On the days following my uncle being at my grandpas I can almost guarantee that when I get to the house I will see my grandfather has missed some if not all of his pills. For example I got to the house this morning and check his pills (which he had 2 completely full boxes one on counter and one in cabinet as a back up) and all of Sundays pills are in box still. So I look at box in cabinet and all Sundays pills are still there as well. Then I notice that on the counter Friday bedtime are missing. So at no point yesterday did my uncle give him pills or remind him to take them. And at some point after my uncle left my grandpa realized he needed to take pills but because my uncles had moved the digital clock/calendar to the other room my grandpa didn't know what day it was and took bedtime pills from the wrong day. If I try an point this out to my uncle he gets mad and defensive and nothing productive comes from the conversation.
I'm learning very quickly no matter what I do someone will be unhappy and in my ear bi***ing about it. Oh well is the attitude I need to learn to have. As long as it's what is best for my grandpa and what my grandpa would have wanted they can all go fly a kite. Lol
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I'm hoping (praying) that the amount if drama that is in animal rescue is not the same amount as in cargiving world.
