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I have spoken to several assisted living places and they seem to feel he may need more than they provide or of he was there I would need to hire an aide independently for him. I think the main reason is him not being able to call someone if he needed help. The memory care places I have spoken to seem to feel he isn't quite ready for memory care and would do better in assisted living. I have also read many many articles that the longer someone is able to stay at home (safely) the better off they will be. And that when u move them it progress there dementia quickly. I feel like I'm stuck on a slow moving merry go round that a speed on trick is about to slam into. I know that's not the best analogy but it's all I can think of rigt now lol.
I know of quite a few seniors who have a live in health aid. In a few cases the aide stayed right through until the person passed away. I think the families were happy to have someone live in with their loved one.
The caregiver manual is a great thing! I did this for my mother. We see this as a living document that constantly gets updated. It has been very helpful for our caregivers as well as all of us (it was so hard to keep track of everything prior).
I think your idea of being there at the beginning and then just popping in on an ongoing basis is critical. A professional will understand this so don't worry about offending them etc. by showing up. This is your loved one and you need to ensure that he is being taken care of properly.
There has been some good advice here so I will just add a few more things to consider.....
If he has a computer make sure it is password protected.
Have his mail redirected to your home or to a PO Box and then bring him his mail when you visit.
Make sure all his financial info (Social Security number, tax documents, bank statements, etc.) are secured away where the caregiver has no access. That would mean you would open his mail with him and then take any of these documents with you.
Get a reloadable debit/credit card for him and take away his other cards.
Make sure that the caregiver is putting in the time they claim. We had one that was always putting down more hours than she actually worked in a day. Some agencies have a phone check in check out system which is great.
When the time comes create a checklist for daily things like medications, bathing, bowel movements etc. You might even need this now if you will have two caregivers in a day. This way each caregiver knows what has been done so far.
Ask the agency how car travel is handled. Can they use your GPA's car and not charge anything (make sure his insurance covers driver) or should he go in their car and pay mileage fee. Just a FYI...many counties offer paratransit services for very low fees (my parents area is $3 each way) and caregivers are usually allowed to accompany client at no charge.
Double check GPS's Homeowners insurance. Even though we use insured and bonded agencies for caregivers we added an umbrella policy just in case.
As for the restaurant issue it will probably start to get more difficult to take him out to eat (with my mother it did). Maybe the caregiver could get takeout a couple times a week for him. This would also get him out of the house for a drive. Some restaurants actually have curbside take out which would be best.
Meals on wheels is NOT just for low income. It can used by people that cannot drive anymore and/or take public transportation. A person with dementia would usually qualify. They do ask for donations but it is such a small amount. It is great because that is another person that will check in with your GPA to make sure he is Ok. Plus they will usually bring milk, bread, etc once a week.
As for dealing with other family members, that is one of the most challenging issues at least with our family. So unfortunately I can't offer any advice in that area. Sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of a mental/emotional breakdown due to all the stress from the family issues surrounding this.
And last but not least KNOW that you are doing a GREAT job with all of this. I have read several of your posts and you clearly care so much about your GPA. He is VERY lucky to have you in his life!
The caregiver manual is a great thing! I did this for my mother. We see this as a living document that constantly gets updated. It has been very helpful for our caregivers as well as all of us (it was so hard to keep track of everything prior).
I think your idea of being there at the beginning and then just popping in on an ongoing basis is critical. A professional will understand this so don't worry about offending them etc. by showing up. This is your loved one and you need to ensure that he is being taken care of properly.
There has been some good advice here so I will just add a few more things to consider.....
If he has a computer make sure it is password protected. No computer
Have his mail redirected to your home or to a PO Box and then bring him his mail when you visit. good idea Make sure all his financial info (Social Security number, tax documents, bank statements, etc.) are secured away where the caregiver has no access. That would mean you would open his mail with him and then take any of these documents with you.
i will do this but i might need a safe the size of a small car lol. my grandoa has always his entire life kept very very detailed records and receipts and statement s from EVERYTHING. It was all very very organized untill lately. now its a complete total mess
Get a reloadable debit/credit card for him and take away his other cards. LOVE this idea!! dont know why i never thought of it. I personally have one lol.
Make sure that the caregiver is putting in the time they claim. We had one that was always putting down more hours than she actually worked in a day. Some agencies have a phone check in check out system which is great. they have a phone check in system
When the time comes create a checklist for daily things like medications, bathing, bowel movements etc. You might even need this now if you will have two caregivers in a day. This way each caregiver knows what has been done so far.
Ask the agency how car travel is handled. Can they use your GPA's car and not charge anything (make sure his insurance covers driver) or should he go in their car and pay mileage fee. Just a FYI...many counties offer paratransit services for very low fees (my parents area is $3 each way) and caregivers are usually allowed to accompany client at no charge.
They will be using their own cars. I dont dare bring his back for the fear of the can of worms that may open. actually today when i was chatting with his second caregiver I asjed if he mentioned anyting about his car(she had to take him for a Blood draw) she said that he told her he doesnt drive anymoe and doesnt have his lic anymore either.
Double check GPS's Homeowners insurance. Even though we use insured and bonded agencies for caregivers we added an umbrella policy just in case.
good idea
As for the restaurant issue it will probably start to get more difficult to take him out to eat (with my mother it did). Maybe the caregiver could get takeout a couple times a week for him. This would also get him out of the house for a drive. Some restaurants actually have curbside take out which would be best.
Meals on wheels is NOT just for low income. It can used by people that cannot drive anymore and/or take public transportation. A person with dementia would usually qualify. They do ask for donations but it is such a small amount. It is great because that is another person that will check in with your GPA to make sure he is Ok. Plus they will usually bring milk, bread, etc once a week.
As for dealing with other family members, that is one of the most challenging issues at least with our family. So unfortunately I can't offer any advice in that area. Sometimes I feel like I am on the verge of a mental/emotional breakdown due to all the stress from the family issues surrounding this.
And last but not least KNOW that you are doing a GREAT job with all of this. I have read several of your posts and you clearly care so much about your GPA. He is VERY lucky to have you in his life! Thank you
Wish you and GPA the best!
So today went really really well!! i was there in the morning before the first caregiver arrived. She was on time. about 5 mins early, which i was relieved to see that. My grandpa was still sleeping which was good cause it gave us about 45 mins to chat. She seemed fine. Was a little bit awkward to chat with at first but it became easier. I knew my grandpa would like her so that was a relief. After he woke up and came downstairs i stayed for about 30 mins. He was super confused by the whole thing(he had forgotten someone ewas coming) as i was leaving he asked me what he was supposed to with the pretty lady i was leaving him with lol, I tld him just pretend she is me, she is here to jhelp u with anything you want help with and to keep you company and chat. I was worried leaving but knew i had to go to give them a chance to get to know each other. She was only going to be there for about 2 more hrs and then the nect one was coming. I left for about 5 hours and came back. I brought him some dinnercause i wasnt sure if the would have figured it out yet. When i got there and showed him his dinner i brought which was one of his favorites. He looked at it and handed it back to me and told me i would have to eat it because they (him and caregiver) were having pot roast lol!! I stayed for about 20 mins. When i said good bye as i was getting ready to leave his response was ok bye honey love you. ill talk to u tommorow. Where normally when i am leaving he is asking when will i be back? what time? and things like that.
M uncle (grandfathers son) is throwing a for about how much home car costs. I assume because paying for home care will be taking away from his money (inherintence)
My uncle has been helping some with the care of my grandpa up till now. However I have only had him doing 2 days of the week because my grandpa and uncle fight with each other and because my uncle. Is close to being incompatant himself IMO. On the days following my uncle being at my grandpas I can almost guarantee that when I get to the house I will see my grandfather has missed some if not all of his pills. For example I got to the house this morning and check his pills (which he had 2 completely full boxes one on counter and one in cabinet as a back up) and all of Sundays pills are in box still. So I look at box in cabinet and all Sundays pills are still there as well. Then I notice that on the counter Friday bedtime are missing. So at no point yesterday did my uncle give him pills or remind him to take them. And at some point after my uncle left my grandpa realized he needed to take pills but because my uncles had moved the digital clock/calendar to the other room my grandpa didn't know what day it was and took bedtime pills from the wrong day. If I try an point this out to my uncle he gets mad and defensive and nothing productive comes from the conversation.
I'm learning very quickly no matter what I do someone will be unhappy and in my ear bi***ing about it. Oh well is the attitude I need to learn to have. As long as it's what is best for my grandpa and what my grandpa would have wanted they can all go fly a kite. Lol
UGH. Well, you called it correctly with the uncle and your mom.
They don't get a vote, your grandpa already made that clear by appointing you.
You want to keep your uncle away IMO, because fighting is going to make your grandpa worse. And to make it MORE worse, dementia is so awful, it doesn't wipe the ENTIRE memory of stuff away....so for example, after a blow up, every time your uncle comes back, your grandpa may "feel" a certain way but not be able to reconstruct that. A "red zone" memory if you will. Versus a "green" memory of happy/secure/etc. If you get that book Contented Dementia it's in there.
Yeah, I'd put in nanny cams. I think they're digital now, you don't have to wire the house.
Because there are legalities about audio recordings without consent in some states (it can be a felony)...I'd ask the lawyer to advise you about using the audio and even the vidto...and get his advise in writing. IMO, a video only is NOT enough - although it's better than nothing. OR you could have the agency consent in writing which would cover audio BUT ASK THE LAWYER. And get his answer in writing because it's a specific type of law.
I have plenty of clients who tell me they have a pet cam on. I still go about my business but I'm sure in this field it may be touchy.
Dear beans213,
I realize how concerned you were, & possibly are, still feeling. I'm a self-contractor, who receives referrals from physicians who feel a Hospice extension organization should be considered.
There are several ways one can choose a caregiver. Word of mouth, from my past patient's families, has helped quite a bit with budgeting how I market the assistance I am able to offer.
Now, we all realize that with every choice we make, no matter how big or small; there's going to be SOME type of "pay-off", for everyone involved... Using that terminology may sound shady, but that's not, at all, what I'm trying to convey.
If possible, in your area, you may find someone who's willing to care for your father, invite an agreement that they show the willingness to sign that gives you the right to keep installed webcams running for your peace of mind.
I have a contract with a company, and I supply them, as well as have them installed where the client's family requests.
I also allow time where they can conduct a MUTUALLY beneficial interview. Working with the elderly takes patients, as you know! But, just because they may not be in full control of their ability to do for themselves, or they've lost certain mental capacities doesn't mean they deserve to have someone involved in their life, who they may not be too jazzed to have there.
It is a huge change... Change is a process. It is not an immediate event!!
If he's not ambulatory, the care giver should try and have a mobile lift brought into the household, so he's not simply STUCK, in one or two positions, in his bed...
I suppose I'm saying that, even though we'd all naturally worry, it's very possible to find a group who make it their mission to educate the family, and do what they're able to do to re-instill the lost dignity their patient is experiencing.
It's probably a bit rare, but certain groups are willing to do these things, for you, and even try to get it covered by filing for a grant, that would mean the services are mainly covered... placed in a fund... and, only at agreed upon times, will the payment be released to them.
I screen my LPNs, and RNs, very closely. I sometimes show up, to observe them, before they've had the opportunity to meet me. My patients are all terminally ill, and they want one thing the most, which is to pass in their homes. So, I take a personal stake with helping them, as well as their loved one's.
I certainly hope some of these suggestions can be of any type of help, to you. If so, I'm very happy to have spoken up.
Take good care, now.
So today went really really well!! i was there in the morning before the first caregiver arrived. She was on time. about 5 mins early, which i was relieved to see that. My grandpa was still sleeping which was good cause it gave us about 45 mins to chat. She seemed fine. Was a little bit awkward to chat with at first but it became easier. I knew my grandpa would like her so that was a relief. After he woke up and came downstairs i stayed for about 30 mins. He was super confused by the whole thing(he had forgotten someone ewas coming) as i was leaving he asked me what he was supposed to with the pretty lady i was leaving him with lol, I tld him just pretend she is me, she is here to jhelp u with anything you want help with and to keep you company and chat. I was worried leaving but knew i had to go to give them a chance to get to know each other. She was only going to be there for about 2 more hrs and then the nect one was coming. I left for about 5 hours and came back. I brought him some dinnercause i wasnt sure if the would have figured it out yet. When i got there and showed him his dinner i brought which was one of his favorites. He looked at it and handed it back to me and told me i would have to eat it because they (him and caregiver) were having pot roast lol!! I stayed for about 20 mins. When i said good bye as i was getting ready to leave his response was ok bye honey love you. ill talk to u tommorow. Where normally when i am leaving he is asking when will i be back? what time? and things like that.
I'm so glad to hear this! You must feel very relieved!
Originally Posted by beans213 View Post
So today went really really well!! i was there in the morning before the first caregiver arrived. She was on time. about 5 mins early, which i was relieved to see that. My grandpa was still sleeping which was good cause it gave us about 45 mins to chat. She seemed fine. Was a little bit awkward to chat with at first but it became easier. I knew my grandpa would like her so that was a relief. After he woke up and came downstairs i stayed for about 30 mins. He was super confused by the whole thing(he had forgotten someone ewas coming) as i was leaving he asked me what he was supposed to with the pretty lady i was leaving him with lol, I tld him just pretend she is me, she is here to jhelp u with anything you want help with and to keep you company and chat. I was worried leaving but knew i had to go to give them a chance to get to know each other. She was only going to be there for about 2 more hrs and then the nect one was coming. I left for about 5 hours and came back. I brought him some dinnercause i wasnt sure if the would have figured it out yet. When i got there and showed him his dinner i brought which was one of his favorites. He looked at it and handed it back to me and told me i would have to eat it because they (him and caregiver) were having pot roast lol!! I stayed for about 20 mins. When i said good bye as i was getting ready to leave his response was ok bye honey love you. ill talk to u tommorow. Where normally when i am leaving he is asking when will i be back? what time? and things like that.
Awww the pot roast. So cute. YAY!
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