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They are in their late 80's Dad has many health issues and Mom is losing her vision, for now they seem to be getting by living in their bought and paid for home but they are at the point where additional care would be beneficial , as i live 2500 miles away i cant do too much other than visit twice a year.
The problem is in my research for nursing homes its apparent that ball park costs for residency runs between $5K-$10K per month, that kinda money is way out of Mom and Dads financial league,they also say why should we move to such a place when the place we are at is bought and paid for/
OK now what?
They are in their late 80's Dad has many health issues and Mom is losing her vision, for now they seem to be getting by living in their bought and paid for home but they are at the point where additional care would be beneficial , as i live 2500 miles away i cant do too much other than visit twice a year.
The problem is in my research for nursing homes its apparent that ball park costs for residency runs between $5K-$10K per month, that kinda money is way out of Mom and Dads financial league,they also say why should we move to such a place when the place we are at is bought and paid for/
OK now what?
Unless there are more specific reasons for them to give up independent living, I side with them.
At my age and now living in an adult community, as well as having had a mom that lived by herself until she was 95, I know many elderly people that do not go into assisted living facilities.
Maybe you would feel more comfortable knowing they're tucked away and watched over but it doesn't mean it's the best thing.
There are options for levels of home visits that you (and they) might investigate instead if there aren't compelling reasons for them to leave their home and their life.
Over the last few months Dad has been hospitalized twice for kidney failure and Mom is almost blind, they live out in the middle of nowhere,my imagination can envision the potential for some serious problems arising.
That said they are 90ish,happy and dont want to move or have the nursing home experience or assistance so maybe its just better to let nature take its course..
Over the last few months Dad has been hospitalized twice for kidney failure and Mom is almost blind, they live out in the middle of nowhere,my imagination can envision the potential for some serious problems arising.
That said they are 90ish,happy and dont want to move or have the nursing home experience or assistance so maybe its just better to let nature take its course..
A lot depends on their wishes, hon.
Many,many people, especially older ones, choose quality of life over longevity under any circumstances.
How do they do things like grocery shopping and doctor appointments?
When you say "seem to be getting by" - have you been there lately to see how they're actually doing?
While it's a big undertaking to find home help/health care and risky...it's an option. To have a second set of eyes looking in on them and helping with some of the daily necessities. Laundry, food, light housekeeping, health monitoring.
The last couple years of my grandfather's life (mom's side of the family), he started to go downhill in terms of health. He and my grandmother were still living in their medium-sized ranch house. The upside was they were near us and other family, so at least people could stop by to help.
Then grandpa got ill and had to go to the hospital. Grandma had Alzheimer's and it was obvious she couldn't take care of herself. Thankfully she wasn't driving anymore by that point. Family put her "temporarily" in an ALF, while grandpa was in the hospital. He passed away soon after, and her "temporary" move was made permanent. She protested, but then realized in one of her more lucid moments that it was for the best.
How do they do things like grocery shopping and doctor appointments?
When you say "seem to be getting by" - have you been there lately to see how they're actually doing?
While it's a big undertaking to find home help/health care and risky...it's an option. To have a second set of eyes looking in on them and helping with some of the daily necessities. Laundry, food, light housekeeping, health monitoring.
For the moment Dad actually still drives so they can still go shopping a few times a week , however he cant walk and Mom dont see all that good..Dads driving privileges are going to only last until the DMV ask him to take a physical. I certainly wish i could do more but with them living in Florida and me married with children here in Montreal theres only so much i can contribute to their well being.
I think runswithscissors suggestion of finding home support is a worthy one. I'd look into that (since you can't be there), there's lots of good home support workers that could keep an eye on and help out occasionally with your elders. It would also give you peace of mind...I know when I'm that age I'm not gonna want to leave my home..but I sure wouldn't turn my nose up at someone coming in maybe two or three times a week to help with some things.
Do you know if they have done any research to find out about such things as transportation when the time comes that they will need it? Or to get help with their activities of daily living - such as cleaning up, cooking, doing laundry?
The good thing is . . . Florida as a State does have robust senior services, if they qualify for them. Each county may vary and you did say they live "out" and not in a densely populated area. So that may affect what services are available to them, as well.
Seems to me the first thing to do would be to start researching what services would be available. That way, when they time comes for such things as assistance with transportation, you will have some resources at your finger tips and some suggestions for your parents.
Also, every county or region will have some sort of Senior Services office and representatives. It might be a good idea to contact them now . . . many services have a waiting list and your parents should go ahead and get signed up for things like Meals on Wheels or once a week nurse visits - whatever is offered in their county.
Another alternative to consider would be an independent living facility. or retirement community. Here's a link to send you in the right direction: Independent Living Communities and Apartments - SeniorHousingNet.com With an independent community, they'll have all their independence but also the convenience of housekeeping services, on site maintenance and prepared meals. There won't be any kind of medical assistance but plenty of transportation opportunities to the doctors and the option to have a part time caregiver stop in a couple of days a week. The market for those places is pretty competitive in most area so many would be willing to cut a deal to get them in. I'm guessing a ballpark of four to five grand a month for them both. That sounds like a lot but when you figure in rent, cable, electricity and prepared meals along with not having to pay property taxes or insurance on a house.....it's not really that bad. Throw in the piece of mind of knowing that their basic needs are well taken care of and it starts to look pretty sweet...............If you can swing cost, it's a great fit for some people.
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