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Yes I know. I was speaking of the eventuality of you getting him into assisted living and whether he could stay there if -- after warnings -- he continued to trash his place like a pig sty.
I was just saying that in ALFs I don't know whether you can just junk up your room/unit and the admin won't have something to say about that. Can they 'ask you to leave?' or maybe even make moves to have you removed?
If you know he doesn't keep his place up. I just thought it might be something to be mindful of. That's all. To be fair to them and other residents.
OK, yes, that makes sense. I think part of the deal is that with him being in a wheelchair, it's just not easy to do laundry, clean dishes, or pick up after himself. That being said, I do think he needs to take a little more responsibility for his own cleanliness. I personally am a neat freak and "minimalist" who does most of the cleaning in our home. You'd never think that I was a product of the family I grew up in lol!
Honestly, he sounds too sick/dependent for care to be assisted living, he sounds like he needs more care than they usually provide. Have you looked into the VA homes near you? The one near me is a great facility, they even have a bowling alley with 2 full-size lanes. He should qualify no problem as a veteran, but there could be a waiting list for beds, so I would get him on one ahead of time. You can always say no if you're not ready when they call.
Thank you for the kind words. My brother is kind of "slow" and has learning disabilities, so he really can't be trusted with his own finances. I know my parents have bailed him out repeatedly over the years, and that's what scares me about becoming his caretaker. He gets about $2500 a month from SSDI and a VA benefit, and has no bills other than phone. Yet he'll go into the hole some months, spending more than he gets. If I move him to be near me, I can't be bailing him out. I have a family and little kids and all those expenses (we're doing much better now, but recovering from the recession). So my only thought is that he'd have to agree to me being in control of his money to ensure rent is paid. I'd put him on an allowance and then pay his rent, utilities and car insurance, plus put a little into savings for him.
The reason he's in a nursing home is because he was in the hospital and then they had him go to a nursing home for a few weeks because he needs physical therapy, and sometimes gets psychological counseling. He sufferes from depression and has pain issues. So I don't think my mom put him in the nursing home, but she may have either suggested getting approved for a few weeks because she wanted him out of the house long enough to have the carpet pulled up in his basement apartment and have it replaced with some other flooring. Apparently he had ruined all the carpet somehow. But she did make it clear to me that she wanted him out of the house for a while. He doesn't clean anything, and my parents hadn't been helping him clean or do laundry for a long time, so his basement apartment had become quite filthy and my mom said she had been cleaning it just the other day.
So the issue is that he's quite a handful to take care of. He has physical issues, has to go to the hospital a lot, sufferes from pain and depression, makes poor decisions, doesn't even try to clean up after himself (just throws trash on the floor, buys new pots and pans rather than cleaning dirty ones, etc.) and would be best off in an assited living facility. But that will take the majority of his money. My other option is to put him in an apartment 4 blocks from our house where the rent is about $1000 a month. It would be a very nice 1bd. apt., and if he's on his own, he would then qualify for further VA benefits that would pay for house cleaning, someone to come in and help him bathe, and someone to come in for physical therapy. But I fear he'd be rather isolated, as he is now in my parent's house, and could get himself into trouble.
Your brother needs to be in a group home. Talk to the social worker at his nursing facility about finding appropriate placement for him when he is released, preferably near you. DO NOT let him move back in with your mother! This is your golden opportunity. DO NOT move him into an apartment 4 blocks from your house. He is unable to manage on his own and you will end up bearing the brunt of his care.
It can be complicated. But, your decision should be based on the level of care that she needs now. If she needs daily living assistance now just minimally, and not medical assistance....maybe look at an assisted living facility. She can then transition into full care later...If presently she needs ongoing care, then she should be in a facility to receive that care. Her Doctor may be able to guide you...or the social worker at the facility that you are most interested in.
I believe your fears that the pricing is different depending on your resources is unfounded.
These places are fairly heavily regulated and think the price is the price.
This is true. Th only place more Federally regulated are child care facilities.
. Right now OP doesn't need an attorney as Mom has 2-3 years worth of funds, quote]
Sorry, but I disagree. Medicaid laws vary by state, and in NY they vary between NYC & the rest of the state. You need an elder-law attorney to do the planning.
Medicaid looks back more than 3 years from the time one applies, so early planning with an elder-law attorney who is well versed in this subject can make the difference to whether any funds can be salvaged for the family.
Actually...I've heard they look back 10 years. That may vary with the state though. And, it also depends upon your state whether you as the child is responsible to help pay for her care. http://aspe.hhs.gov/daltcp/reports/med4rcsg.htm
Honestly, he sounds too sick/dependent for care to be assisted living, he sounds like he needs more care than they usually provide. Have you looked into the VA homes near you? The one near me is a great facility, they even have a bowling alley with 2 full-size lanes. He should qualify no problem as a veteran, but there could be a waiting list for beds, so I would get him on one ahead of time. You can always say no if you're not ready when they call.
I called a VA home that's about a mile from my house, and they said he couldn't live there because he isn't a veteran (he gets VA "spina bifida" benefits). They told me to call the Denver Verterans Service Officer, and I keep leaving messages, but no return call. I'd say 95% of assisted living facilities flat our refuse to take anyone under 55 years old. I found one group home, but it's 45 min. away, which I don't like. I found one assited living facility that's about 20 min. from our house. That facility will take up most of his money ($2500 a month SSDI and VA benefit). I'm still trying to figure something out.
It can be complicated. But, your decision should be based on the level of care that she needs now. If she needs daily living assistance now just minimally, and not medical assistance....maybe look at an assisted living facility. She can then transition into full care later...If presently she needs ongoing care, then she should be in a facility to receive that care. Her Doctor may be able to guide you...or the social worker at the facility that you are most interested in.
If this message is directed at me and the situation with my mother, she's flat out refusing to go anywhere. I fear, based on recent converstations with her, that she may have the beginnings of dementia.
Your brother needs to be in a group home. Talk to the social worker at his nursing facility about finding appropriate placement for him when he is released, preferably near you. DO NOT let him move back in with your mother! This is your golden opportunity. DO NOT move him into an apartment 4 blocks from your house. He is unable to manage on his own and you will end up bearing the brunt of his care.
That's my fear about the apartment situation. He does better when he's not isolated and I think he needs more help than he admits to.
He (and my parents) live 700 miles away, so I don't know that a social worker there can help me here in Denver. I have yet to find any social worker that is helpful, there or here. I'm sure they're all overworked and underpaid.
I called a VA home that's about a mile from my house, and they said he couldn't live there because he isn't a veteran (he gets VA "spina bifida" benefits). They told me to call the Denver Verterans Service Officer, and I keep leaving messages, but no return call. I'd say 95% of assisted living facilities flat our refuse to take anyone under 55 years old. I found one group home, but it's 45 min. away, which I don't like. I found one assited living facility that's about 20 min. from our house. That facility will take up most of his money ($2500 a month SSDI and VA benefit). I'm still trying to figure something out.
I have to ask what the problem is about the fact that a facility will take 'most of his money'.
Most people that don't have large amounts of money to self pay must turn over the benefits they receive in order to be in one.
If it still doesn't cover the whole fee, Medicaid is usually obtained to make up the balance.
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