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I didn't want the doctor to tell my mother that she had cervical cancer because she had others things going on as well. However, he told me that it was part of his jobs to let his patients know the truth about what is going on with them. Me and my sister tried to convince him otherwise but to no avail. Even though it is hard, I believe it is best that they know. If you can find the courage to tell her in a private moment just between the two of you. I also hope you have all the family support you need because I know this is a hard thing to deal with. Sorry for what you are having to deal with and I wish you all the best during these tough times.
Yes you have an obligation to tell her. We see this same scenario play out over and over in varying situations. But at the end of the day, people deserve to know the truth...always! It is always unfair to hide, soften or sugar coat the truth from the affected person.
I do believe some people don't ask because they already know and don 't want their upcoming death to be a constant daily topic.
You may be right, but I think that some people who don't ask probably just don't want to know. If someone prefers to hold onto the belief that they can recover and don't want to hear the truth, I think that should be respected, too. It may be the only way for some people to cope with their reality, at least at first. It may be what they need in order to get up in the morning and keep living life, such as it is.
At some point it will likely become clear even to the patient that they're not getting better, and they may make peace with it, but I don't think the process should be rushed or dictated from the outside. If there are decisions that need to be made or actions to be taken, I think it's okay to approach the person with them as a hypothetical, "worst-case basis" scenario, in order to induce them to make decisions and take action. But hitting them between the eyes with a truth they're not prepared to hear - I don't think that's necessary or helpful.
For someone who doesn't have the ability or courage to ask, it might be a relief to know the truth. I certainly think this truth should be told gently and with compassion.
I suspect relatives do not tell, because they fear coping with strong emotions of the patient and themselves.
But if someone has dementia, why would you tell? Every case is unique.
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