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Not to be scary but we went thru the same thing with my mother and we thought it was psychological. We would give her so much trouble about not eating bc we thought she was behaving like an anorexic teenager. It turned out to be cancer so extensive that they couldn't tell where it had started and we had to get hospice in right away. She looked great physically and had no pain, so that was a blessing but it fooled us all into thinking it was mental, when in fact she had no digestive apparatus left. Good luck!
Oh yeah, and our tipoff that something might be wrong was when she started throwing up and yet we still figured it was her being nauseated from drinking black coffee on an empty stomach.
She's not constipated. For years she has had loose bowels (with the incontinence) and there could be 2 or more daily, to the point that it just became horrendously stressful emotionally to her to even GO. That concerned me for her, not to mention I felt the same issues were there with regard to hydration. So with the consent of her doctors (kidney, primary care, heart), I began giving her Immodium ... 1 a day ... and lo and behold, she began to regulate to mostly one a day. Any time she is on antibiotic, it kicks off this problem again. She was taken off a number of former medications when she was hospitalized to have the pacemaker done, and was not put back on most of them afterwards, and suddenly for the first time in maybe 15 years her bowels self-regulated and she'd have one or two a day but they were firm and she didn't need Immodium.
In this most recent hospitalization for the CHF lung congestion, they put her on stool softeners and laxatives ... she was sent home with prescriptions for 3 such meds (all OTC, not prescription actually) so I have them here if they are needed. But she is back to going on her own without any medication. She is just not producing very much at a time, and I think that is down to her general lack of intake. Also not producing much urine, for the same reason.
She does get up to go to the bathroom -- but she was in bed at night when she called me thinking she was having one (at 5 AM). She also does have one of the raised chairs that sits over the commode, I recently raised it to the max height to minimize how much pushing up she has to do when she's getting back up. She has not been doing much walking yet since being home, but since she can walk at least 10 steps with the support of walker and a gait-belt, I'm starting her this week on getting up a couple of times a day to just walk and stretch her legs a bit.
@Blondy
Haven't yet tried a milkshake with the Ensure, but I plan to. I have managed to get her to take most of 1 Ensure a day for the past couple of days by breaking it down into offering half a bottle twice a day. I'll try the milkshake from McD's and see what she thinks -- we always "celebrate" her doctor visits with a milkshake while driving home (all doctors are an hour drive one way), so I know she likes them. Ice cream, she is not so much into lately.
And I agree that simply getting the calories into her is more important than what exactly they are.
I am appreciating all comments, folks -- even if I may appear to not be taking this or that thought "on board", I actually am giving all of it a lot of thought, I'm not disregarding anything as "doesn't apply here".
SMOOTHIES with a couple tablespoons of pickle juice in them. Takes care of water, calories, and is something she can sip on. The pickle juice can help her digest.
BTW, Ensure can cause a lot of people to have diarrhea. It's just too much. I would go with smoothies featuring ice, lactose-free ice cream, vanilla yogurt, the pickle juice, and applesauce or strawberries, and do NOT put in honey, which also causes diarrhea a lot of times.
I haven't read thru all of the posts, but has she lost her sense of taste and or smell? This would really affect her appetite.
I thinkl mine has started to go - some days I'm just not hungry because nothing tastes good.
Will not read all of the posts as what I see is inevitable Renal Failure.
My dad passed away at 86 and the last two yrs were a sign of the system slowly shutting down with the above being the cause. I tried to get him to eat by taking him out for a breakfast/lunch every weekend but he then complained that due to eating so much was sick the next day. At the Convalescent home his meal consisted of only a fruit dish...does that sound familiar?
Now I'm going to be 83 in a few days and the last few months have been feeling a slowing down of my body in some ways that are not normal considering how I have felt over the past few years while my mind is still pretty sharp today.
Have had a few TIA's the last couple of yrs with a good size one a couple of weeks ago that knocked me out for a couple of hrs so my ending might just be a severe stroke some day soon.
Live by myself and my children who are Grandparents have their own problems while living far away from me. I'm here from my own choosing so have no complaints.
Just giving a comparison on what I as possibly others who may be going thru a similar situation that comes with old age...we are not meant to be here forever.
Have also found myself not eating a full meal based upon the meat from two months ago still in the fridge/freezer. Have been eating slight snacks and small tidbits before or after normal mealtime.....just don't have any hunger pains for a full meal.
Sorry for going off here on a tangent since I have no one to talk too and typing here is a good therapy for me.
Had a neighbor who was 95 (Vet like me) also was living by himself and somewhat content until being robbed by knifepoint, so his son from up north in Wash state had him moved up there....he turned 96 and had a stroke all within a short few months and just passed away in May. His name was Robert and for his age was healthier then me but still had a stroke....when it's your time, it's your time.
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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Aside from all the comprehensive answers above, I'd like to suggest a few foods that can stimulate appetite or provide a large number of calories. Most such foods are not the "healthy" ones that most people would eat when they need to lose weight.
Ice cream, the old standby of cancer patients, - with nuts if that's how she likes it, that provides a bit of fiber. Premium stuff, gelato etc, that is not puffed up with air like ordinary versions. Not too cold.
Eggnog, home-made with half-and-half (or cream if milk isn't tolerated well.), rich in egg yolks and sugar. Yes, a little rum or brandy in it. It's good in the evening.
High-fructose drinks, the kind that are so damaging to people trying to lose weight. If natural is desired, pure cherry juice seems to have a lot of it, and stimulates my appetite.
Put a bit of fiber supplement in juice - that pushes things through, keeping the digestive system toned and moving.
Another source of fiber and nutrients might be a finely processed vegetable slaw - find a really good dressing for it.
Marijuana-laced cookies, if allowed in your state for medicinal purposes. Some varieties are better than others for inducing the munchies.
Foods high in MSG, such as flavored chips of any kind, or commercial soups. Of course chips are only good if she can chew them properly.
I have been through this so yes, I know where you are coming from.
Your Mom is 94, pacemaker, oxygen, limited mobility, and needs FT care. Yes, she is depressed. With good reason. She has lost all control over her own life. Many older people do not want to live when they reach this point. Why? They have nothing to look forward too but further deterioration/needing yet more care. Plus I'm sure she feels very guilty that you are losing years of your own life you can never get back.
You need to have the conversation with her and get the DNR's signed.
My grandpa did this. They diagnosed him with lung cancer and then after a bit he just chose to stop eating and it wasnt long after he passed away. He thought "whats the point anymore", he had already lost his wife 6 months earlier to a heart attack.
Yep, my gramps did the same thing when he went to the nursing home. He didn't want his life to end there. Two weeks no food, done, see ya.
OP, she may be using the 'I don't want to inconvenience you' as an excuse to check out. It's her life. Do what you can, make her comfortable and love her every day. Never miss the opportunity to tell her you love her.
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