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I know a guy who was having on and off health problems for almost a year before he was finally dragged to the hospital by his wife. He was afraid of the the hospital, doctors, needles and facing what he thought was wrong with him. He thought he had congestive heart failure but it turned out that his kidneys were shutting down. The nurse told him if he hadn't come to the hospital that evening he wouldn't have woken up the next morning. He spent a week in the hospital getting healthy enough to be discharged but now he faces dialysis 3 times a week and a complete change to everything in his life.
It has been 5 weeks now since he was told the bad news that his kidneys have shut down and I think what he is facing for the rest of his life is now hitting him.
He actually said the other day that he wishes he hadn't gone to the hospital and he had died.
How do you respond to that?
I'd like to say to him that he shouldn't have abused himself for decades and he should have bucked up and gone to the Doctors 6-8 months ago before things really took a bad turn but that would be like kicking him when he is down.
It most definetly is going to be a life changing scene for him. Does he not have family that care for him?
What does he have in his life left to live for? Kids, Grandkids, parents still alive?
He may just be scared of what is to happen to him.
Its no fun to have to go 3 x a week, but he could go for a Kidney splint, to avoid the dyalisis? (sp?)
I know a guy who was having on and off health problems for almost a year before he was finally dragged to the hospital by his wife. He was afraid of the the hospital, doctors, needles and facing what he thought was wrong with him. He thought he had congestive heart failure but it turned out that his kidneys were shutting down. The nurse told him if he hadn't come to the hospital that evening he wouldn't have woken up the next morning. He spent a week in the hospital getting healthy enough to be discharged but now he faces dialysis 3 times a week and a complete change to everything in his life.
It has been 5 weeks now since he was told the bad news that his kidneys have shut down and I think what he is facing for the rest of his life is now hitting him.
He actually said the other day that he wishes he hadn't gone to the hospital and he had died.
How do you respond to that?
I'd like to say to him that he shouldn't have abused himself for decades and he should have bucked up and gone to the Doctors 6-8 months ago before things really took a bad turn but that would be like kicking him when he is down.
Don't tell him that.
I guess I would respond to him and his personality. I mean, you can't persuade him to want to live. You might point out that his family would miss him terribly, or that he can still do some things. What is the nature of your relationship? Are you friends?
I'd like to say to him that he shouldn't have abused himself for decades and he should have bucked up and gone to the Doctors 6-8 months ago before things really took a bad turn but that would be like kicking him when he is down.
You think???? If that is what you'd like to say to him, maybe you should just keep your distance. Or, you could try saying something like maybe it will get better as time goes by, as he gets more used to going for dialysis. I don't know what that is like, but chances are, he'll learn to accept it as part of his life.
At this point, I wouldn't take anything he says as if it were fact. The poor guy is in shock and it will take him time to adjust.
Does that mean he will change his attitude? Not necessarily but I don't know anybody that has received life altering news with total composure.
If your inclination is to rub it in as to how he may have caused the problem though, rather than be sympathetic and supportive, he will probably adjust better without you around.
....It has been 5 weeks now since he was told the bad news that his kidneys have shut down and I think what he is facing for the rest of his life is now hitting him.
He actually said the other day that he wishes he hadn't gone to the hospital and he had died.
How do you respond to that?
First of all, it is his situation, his life - not mine. If that's how he feels at this time, then that is how he feels at this time. How I would respond would depend very much upon how well I know the guy. Since it is only five weeks, I would probably hazard something temporizing like: "Yeah, you probably do right now, give yourself a chance to readjust and make a new lifestyle before you settle into this as your permanent verdict."
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I'd like to say to him that he shouldn't have abused himself for decades and he should have bucked up and gone to the Doctors 6-8 months ago before things really took a bad turn but that would be like kicking him when he is down.
It wouldn't be "like kicking him when he is down," it would be kicking him when he is down. Your sentiment smacks of holier than thou-ness. What really would be the object in pointing out how his "abuse" has put him in this position? The past is cast in concrete, such a remark would serve no purpose.
It would seem that his actual conduct in the present and as the situation evolves is where anyone's focus should be. In these areas you may be able to exert some positive/encouraging influence. I hope that can be the case with you two.
However, based on personal experience in a similar situation, I can tell you that he may decide to engage in conduct that will bring about his death. When it was obvious that a person I knew must have made this decision, I confronted him. (I had known him very well for about fifteen years.) The end of this very brief conversation, was me saying, "You don't care who you hurt, do you?"
His response. "No, I guess not."
He was dead from medical misconduct in a few months.
[quote=
It has been 5 weeks now since he was told the bad news that his kidneys have shut down and I think what he is facing for the rest of his life is now hitting him.
He actually said the other day that he wishes he hadn't gone to the hospital and he had died.
How do you respond to that?
I'd like to say to him that he shouldn't have abused himself for decades and he should have bucked up and gone to the Doctors 6-8 months ago before things really took a bad turn but that would be like kicking him when he is down.[/QUOTE]
If he put off a serious heart or kidney ailment for a year, it's probably a good bet that he's put off doing things to prepare his dependents for his death. Maybe you should get him to focus on people and things beside himself. He might be able to earn some goodwill by putting those around him at peace with him dying before long.
He does not have that long to live anyway. People just assume that once a person is on dialysis, their problems are over, that it's being taken care of. Dialysis does not come close to removing the wastes that the real kidneys do. Many people die in 3-5 years due to accumulayed toxins.
I don't have a very good relationship with this guy since we never had much in common. He is married to a relative.
I'm not a mean spirited guy so I would never tell him how I really feel about how he has lived his life that got him to this point but I would like to. He does have family, a wife that loves him, a 4 year old daughter and 2, 18 year old plus daughters from another marriage. If he would rather be dead I think it is a real shame that he would be leaving behind a wife and 4 year old. I think he is depressed because of his situation and is really kicking himself for being stupid.
Maybe he will come around and regain the will to live. I know if it were me I would want to stick around to see my little girl grow up and reach milestones in her life like her first day of school etc...
We all fear that his time is limited even with the best of attitude and it is a real shame what my relative is going through and the fact that he has left her in a real financial mess.
It is such a difficult situation.
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If that is what you'd like to say to him, maybe you should just keep your distance. Or, you could try saying something like maybe it will get better as time goes by, as he gets more used to going for dialysis. I don't know what that is like, but chances are, he'll learn to accept it as part of his life.
How about trying to understand how he feels??
