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Old 08-16-2015, 08:03 AM
 
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My husband has mild Dementia and is on a lot of Meds for other problems. I don't want him driving any more, I don't think he is quick enough to respond to other drivers. How can I tell him I don't want him driving anymore? From what I've heard, that is the hardest thing to do with someone like him is to take his freedom away. I have told him I will drive him ANYWHERE, ANYTIME but that doesn't seem to satisfy him. Help.....I don't want to be mean to him but if I have to I will tell him I can have his license taken away because of his Dementia. Then I am in for a fight so that is the last ace in the hole.
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Old 08-16-2015, 08:59 AM
 
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Read the below sites.

https://caregiver.org/dementia-driving

When Should Dementia Patients Stop Driving?
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Old 08-16-2015, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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There have been other threads on this topic that give a lot of information.

You should openly discuss it with your husband. Would you rather be mean and have a live husband or not mean and possible lose your husband to a fatal car crash?

Depending on the situation there are different things that you could do. They do have private driving instructors who can give tests & evaluations so you will know for sure if he is capable or not capable of driving (of course, that can quickly change). You can contact his doctor who will contact DMV, you could contact the DMV, you could contact the police.

If his license is taken away will he "forget that" and still drive? If yes, then you could always hide the car keys or lock them in a safe place. I know one person who parked their elderly father's car a block away from the house, so even if he found the hidden car keys, he wouldn't find the car.

It is very hard, but you must protect the innocent people of your town.

A few years ago a man in his mid 80s in my city, who should not have been driving, killed an entire family in another car while driving the wrong way on the freeway. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison. His children and grandchildren said they knew that he shouldn't be driving but were "afraid to confront him". Worse case scenario, could your husband handle a prison term and the guilt over causing an accident? (I apologize for such a blunt example, but those things do happen and you should be aware of what could be a "worst case scenario" if you really feel that it is unsafe for your husband to drive).

Last edited by germaine2626; 08-16-2015 at 10:05 AM..
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Old 08-16-2015, 10:30 AM
 
676 posts, read 741,461 times
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Thank you. I appreciate it.
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Old 08-16-2015, 12:17 PM
 
Location: USA
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My dad was bereft when he had to stop driving, but mother was the one who had to do it. She not only took the keys, but she gave their car away. He was 93 and slightly senile, although not officially diagnosed. He was a good person and I was so afraid he would kill a carload of people and that would be how his life ended.
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:13 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
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My mom wouldn't take my dad's keys away even though he kept getting lost. I had reported to the state that he shouldn't be driving, but my mom said that the letter she got just said he should go in to discuss his license, not that he had to do it, so she was going to ignore it, because it was more convenient having him drive. She also said she thought he'd die if she took his freedom away. Finally he took the car and drove the wrong way on the freeway, fortunately on a Sunday morning when traffic was very light. He had a bit of a police chase, drove the car through all the medians, and finally stopped. He was brought home and the car was impounded. We went with my mom to get the car from the police impound. The car was a little beat up from his adventure, and someone hit the car in the parking lot while they were leaving. After that, she hid the car keys and he wasn't allowed to drive anymore. We were really lucky that he didn't hurt anyone during his wrong-way adventure or his police chase. He was sad about not driving for a month or two and then he forgot to be sad anymore.

Anyway, your husband's doctor should be your ally in this fight. Tell the doctor about your fears and that you think it's time for your husband to stop driving. He may listen to the doctor even if he won't listen to you. Expect him to be mad and sad, but he will get over it. You may have to hide your keys or keep them on your wrist until he gets over it.

Also, if your husband is still able to sign things at this point, this is when you should get all the paperwork in order that will let you communicate with his doctors, Medicare, insurance companies, etc. And you should get a lawyer to put your assets in a trust, so that if he eventually needs to be placed in a facility, you will be able to preserve some of your assets for your own retirement years. I'm only mentioning this because my parents didn't do it, and now it's too late for my dad to sign for anything. My mom is going to have to get guardianship of him so she can try to get it all done.
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Old 08-31-2015, 01:01 AM
 
Location: Mesa
3,977 posts, read 8,600,441 times
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Good spot to check on your state requirements. Hopefully you live in a state that DOES restrict seniors and dementia patients.

https://www.caring.com/calculators/s...laws-in-alaska
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Old 08-31-2015, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
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My grandfather had such slow response times and reflexes that he shouldn't have been driving. My mother in law kept fretting about it, and wringing her hands, but not actually taking any action other than refusing to ride with him when he drove.

So one morning, she was driving behind him and got to watch him pull out from a stop sign in front of another vehicle coming from his right. She got to witness the wreck that killed a 22 year old man and injured her husband.

My grandfather was "lucky" though. He lived, though he never fully recovered. He also didn't get sued, though at first the family threatened to sue him. The only reason they didn't do so is because their loved one was speeding and was also driving on revoked license. So while it was my grandfather's fault, the other family did the more decent thing in my opinion and didn't sue an 82 year old injured man.

They could have though - which would have wiped out his finances and left two elderly people penniless.

Though they didn't get sued, a 22 year old man was killed. My grandmother lived with guilt over that for the rest of her life. She also had to live with the memories of that terrible day. She also had to live with my grandfather, who had a concussion that caused a form of dementia (he had previously not had dementia) which was debilitating. He also was probably dealing with guilt and shock as well.

Several lives ruined by these sad events.
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Old 08-31-2015, 09:16 AM
 
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My mom got hit on the rear on the driver's side when I convinced her to give up her license. She appeared to be in a fog and didn't even notice it had happened. She drove home without stopping as the accident was within 1/4 mile of her house. I called the insurance company to assess the damage and get the car repaired. One of the reasons I had her give up her license was her inability to relay how the accident occurred from her point of view and that she and her insurance would always be liable for the damages. I told her she couldn't drive alone. Someone had to go along as an eyewitness. I did it for awhile, and over time, she ended up letting me drive whenever she felt tired. Eventually, she didn't want to drive at all. I took her down to the DMV and they replaced her license with an ID card free of charge.
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Old 09-01-2015, 06:39 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,568 posts, read 14,180,052 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tarajane2013 View Post
My husband has mild Dementia and is on a lot of Meds for other problems. I don't want him driving any more, I don't think he is quick enough to respond to other drivers. How can I tell him I don't want him driving anymore? From what I've heard, that is the hardest thing to do with someone like him is to take his freedom away. I have told him I will drive him ANYWHERE, ANYTIME but that doesn't seem to satisfy him. Help.....I don't want to be mean to him but if I have to I will tell him I can have his license taken away because of his Dementia. Then I am in for a fight so that is the last ace in the hole.
I think having the doctor tell him that he should not drive is the best course of action. He can't quarrel with the doc. Take him in and have him evaluated and ask the doc point blank if he should be driving. I also think it best, if you talk to the staff about this before the exam.

Another thing to consider is eyesight. If his eyesight isn't as good as before, and he has poorer reflexes, I agree with you. Also to consider is peripheral vision. Either an optometrist or a doc should be able to evaluate his fitness for driving.
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