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I'll check this out, but I have to say that one of the most disappointing things about dealing with my mother in law who has Alzheimer's, is that she doesn't seem to react or respond to music at all. But she was never into music. I noticed as we were cleaning out her house that she had ZERO albums, CDs, cassette tapes, etc. of music, other than a few that were in a box in a closet. I think they must have been gifts. She simply doesn't respond to music at all.
The weird thing about her was that the social worker asked about her hobbies when we were admitting her to the facility and we were all stumped. Honestly, she seemed to have NO interests that we could pinpoint. Well, she liked shopping. She liked visiting with family. She could cook pretty well but we never really got the impression that she particularly enjoyed it.
But she didn't read much at all. She would watch TV but never seemed to have much of an opinion on what to watch - she always let her husband call the shots on that. She didn't seem to care anything about movies or books or art in general. She didn't particularly enjoy traveling, though she did go on a few trips over her lifetime - just a handful, really (and money wasn't a problem - traveling just wasn't any sort of priority). She wasn't "crafty." She liked dogs and cats fairly well but they would go years, decades even, without a pet. Her house was always spotless - but she had a maid come in every week so while she was neat herself, keeping the house spotless wasn't HER passion, it was something she paid someone else to do.
The one thing that surprised us when we were cleaning out her house is that she did apparently read the paper every single day - and she would cut out all sorts of random articles, and put them in boxes under the bed in the guest room. Article after article - on everything from events in China to recipes. All laid neatly in several boxes - years of articles. What the heck! I cannot imagine that she actually went back and read any of these articles again - they were not in any particular order - just all neatly laid in these plastic bins.
I don't mean to slam her - in fact, I have always felt very affectionate toward her. She has always been well dressed and well groomed, and considered her looks to be important without being VAIN about them. She has always been pleasant and usually polite though she has had some crazy ideas about world politics and end times in the past. But she's a very quiet, soft spoken person who always, always let her husband's interests dominate her time and energy, even to the point of apparently having NO HOBBIES OR INTENSE PASSIONS WHATSOEVER.
This is just strange to me. I mean, if my kids were asked the same question about me, they'd easily rattle off probably ten things that I am passionate about - English history, CS Lewis, antiques, Bach, James Taylor, Mozart, interior decorating, home projects (from painting to building a fence), non fiction reading, traveling, the beach, I could go on and on. They would know exactly what music would "reach me." My parents, myself, and my kids seem to have a soundtrack to our lives - music is always there and very important to us, and I could tell you what music my kids love as well.
It is just so weird to me to think of a life without music and art - ANY art - being an integral part of it. Unsettling and sad, actually. My husband remarked on that as well after we left the facility that day. It's hard to reach someone who has never let anyone in on what they're passionate about or even interested in.
It's a good video, but we've known this for decades. Why is the medical community so slow and late?
I used to jump start my mom by singing and playing big band music. We danced in the kitchen, just as we had many years before when she danced me around the kitchen--standing on her feet.
That makes so much sense vs the few nursing homes I would visit. Most of the time they would be
playing water-downed tunes from the past. This method reminds me of the film "Awakenings"
(a true story) where the staff would find and play different music and each patient had an awakening
to a specific artist or style.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
... I noticed as we were cleaning out her house that she had ZERO albums, CDs, cassette tapes, etc. of music, other than a few that were in a box in a closet. I think they must have been gifts. She simply doesn't respond to music at all.
I don't mean to slam her - in fact, I have always felt very affectionate toward her. She has always been well dressed and well groomed, and considered her looks to be important without being VAIN about them. She has always been pleasant and usually polite though she has had some crazy ideas about world politics and end times in the past. But she's a very quiet, soft spoken person who always, always let her husband's interests dominate her time and energy, even to the point of apparently having NO HOBBIES OR INTENSE PASSIONS WHATSOEVER.
From the other posts I've come across about your MIL and this one too, sounds like she lived in the shadow of her husband like many women did during those times. Did you or your husband try to play any of
the music in that box to her?
It's a good video, but we've known this for decades. Why is the medical community so slow and late?
I used to jump start my mom by singing and playing big band music. We danced in the kitchen, just as we had many years before when she danced me around the kitchen--standing on her feet.
I think the movie indicates some reasons: drugs, understaffing, institutions, just to name a few.
Everyone, of any age, needs to see this movie because Alzheimer's is going to affect us, someone we love, or someone we know. My neighbors, who just celebrated their 64th anniversary, her husband is going through it now and she says nothing she's gone through in life, including battling cancer twice, compares to what shes dealing with now and with her husband losing his memory. She doesnt want to leave his side. I told her about the movie and she said every morning when they go on the treadmill she puts music on for him and that it does make a difference.
The movie trailer does'nt event touch how good the entire documentary is.
That makes so much sense vs the few nursing homes I would visit. Most of the time they would be
playing water-downed tunes from the past. This method reminds me of the film "Awakenings"
(a true story) where the staff would find and play different music and each patient had an awakening
to a specific artist or style.
From the other posts I've come across about your MIL and this one too, sounds like she lived in the shadow of her husband like many women did during those times. Did you or your husband try to play any of
the music in that box to her?
Nope. I don't think she ever listened to them, because they saved every single thing they ever bought (this is the truth - they weren't big spenders and were very neat, so it wasn't a hoarder situation but they didn't throw away anything, I promise you), and there was not a single cassette recorder or VCR or CD player in that house, so I don't know if or how she ever even listened to this music.
I've literally never heard her mention music. I never saw her, not one moment, watching anything musical on TV. She attended church regularly her entire life, from birth till now (they have church services at the memory care center) and when those beautiful old hymns are sung or played, hymns that she's been around since she was a baby, there is literally zero reaction in her.
When we rode with her in her car (when she could still drive) she never turned the radio on. My husband told me that he literally cannot recall ever hearing music in their home.
Interestingly enough, she did make her boys take piano lessons for a year or so, but that didn't last long. My husband is very musically inclined, and also sings very well. He really wanted to take guitar lessons and begged her for years to let him. Her reason for refusing this was - and she's told me this several times over the years - "He was good, and I was afraid he'd become a country music star and I didn't want that life for him." Honestly. I think that's very strange!
We bought her husband's truck from him a few years ago, and he didn't clean out the console. In that console, we found a Lynard Skynard and an Eagles CD. We were amazed, and got a big kick out of this because we had never heard either of them ever listen to any music. We couldn't wait to give these back to my FIL and tell him we'd found out that he liked music! So the next time we were around them, my husband said, "Hey, we found these in your truck - you've been jamming for years and we never even knew it!" And my FIL looked confused for a few seconds and then said, "Oh, I never listened to those - they were in the truck when I bought it. I don't even know how to work that radio thing in that truck."
SO SAD!
At the memory care facility she's in, they play a lot of music, and also have a lot of different programs involving music. She does not participate. She will sit in there with the others (not by choice, but because they wheel her in there) and during anything musical, she just goes to sleep. I've seen it over and over again. I'll be sitting beside her singing and clapping along with many of the other residents and guests, and she'll just be slumped over asleep in her wheelchair every time. It's pretty depressing. I can't imagine being that oblivious to music.
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Very profound.
