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"Yet you wouldn't take care of your own father or your mother in law in your own home 24/7. So why are you so quick to criticize others when you're clearly not holding yourself to the same standard?"
Huh?
I don't know if I would or wouldn't have cared for my father or a MIL, if it came to that. I'm sure I'd have told you I wouldn't -- and indeed couldn't -- provide 24/7 skilled nursing level care to my mother before I actually did it... And yet, when push came to shove, I did it and am very glad I did.
Yes, it's a lot. I literally didn't sleep for two years (actually, more) because, yes, I was there every minute of the day or night "giving care" so that she never fell again. Did it take ten years off my own life? Probably! I literally gave up my own life, because that's what it takes. But that's sacrificial love.
If some people devoted half the time to personally caring for their elders that they do to defending their NOT personally providing that care, we could close down half the nursing homes.
What did people do before there WERE these institutions?
If some people devoted half the time to personally caring for their elders that they do to defending their NOT personally providing that care, we could close down half the nursing homes.
What did people do before there WERE these institutions?
People used to die a lot sooner when they started to become enfeebled. Now with modern medications and surgeries, lifespans are getting prolonged a great deal more.
Even now though, with the best care, a fall often leads directly to death.
Some would say "it's natures way". In fact, nurses DO say that.
My bff has been an aged care RN for ages and she loves nursing patients through, finds it a sacred, beautiful moment. Death is not actually something to be afraid of, nor avoid at this advanced age and state of health, but a welcome release.
I must admit I struggle with fear of death though, myself. I would love to be so level headed about it.
OP did you speak to her doctor? If she's wandering, she could be agitated, and a simple med will help enormously.
I also like the idea of a net bed and I'm fairly sure I've heard of these used downunder.
The nurses I know place the actual patient along with her mattress on the floor in these cases. If she's getting up from a chair and tearing about, there's not much YOU personally can actually do, apart from speak to her doctors and nurses and carers and trust she's getting the best possible care, which she probably is. Dementia patients are the Worst, most difficult to care for.
I cannot imagine how horrible it is for both her and those around her, to have what is essentially an old childhood night terror running in a loop inside her brain. That is my analysis of her situation.
How I hope that if / when I fall ill with this, I can deal with things swiftly, on my own terms.
"Yet you wouldn't take care of your own father or your mother in law in your own home 24/7. So why are you so quick to criticize others when you're clearly not holding yourself to the same standard?"
Huh?
I don't know if I would or wouldn't have cared for my father or a MIL, if it came to that. I'm sure I'd have told you I wouldn't -- and indeed couldn't -- provide 24/7 skilled nursing level care to my mother before I actually did it... And yet, when push came to shove, I did it and am very glad I did.
Yes, it's a lot. I literally didn't sleep for two years (actually, more) because, yes, I was there every minute of the day or night "giving care" so that she never fell again. Did it take ten years off my own life? Probably! I literally gave up my own life, because that's what it takes. But that's sacrificial love.
If some people devoted half the time to personally caring for their elders that they do to defending their NOT personally providing that care, we could close down half the nursing homes.
What did people do before there WERE these institutions?
Here is exactly what you said:
Quote:
People can do more than they think they can, if they want to. Not everyone wants to (I wouldn't for "just anyone" or a MIL or even my father). But it's possible.
I'm glad you were able to do what you did for your mother, I guess - if that was the best thing for both of you to do at the time.
But it is not the best thing for every family. You need to quit assuming that it's the best answer for all families and that if someone doesn't do what you did then they are "warehousing" their relatives. That was another term you used.
One or even two people CANNOT take care of my mother in law. Her needs are THAT all consuming - that difficult. Don't forget - we tried it already.
Your mother couldn't get up (which is what this thread is about). My MIL CAN and DOES get up. No one can sit by her side every hour of every day to keep her from getting up, and we feel very strongly against not restraining her.
As for your final question "What did people do before there WERE these institutions?" I'll tell you:
First of all, people didn't leave nearly as long - so we had a lot fewer very elderly people with dementia. Secondly, there were larger families, so the ratio of kids to elderly parents was a lot higher, so there were more people available to pitch in and help. And that was a lot easier to do when people tended to drop dead of a heart attack or stroke or something long before dementia set in.
If it wasn't for "modern medicine," my MIL would not be alive today. She would have died from heart disease or a stroke a long time ago, most likely. But she didn't - and now, long past what was probably her "normal" lifespan, she has dementia.
Cinderslipper - I couldn't rep you again but thank you very much for your kind words and suggestions.
Yes, I did speak with her nurse who spoke with her doctor. They are going to review and try to tweak her meds this week. We will reconvene next week.
Today she was a lot more "grounded." I went by to see her right after lunch and sat and talked with her for awhile before her nap. She told me that "they were trying to kill her," and then she talked about her sons' jobs and seemed to calm down when I reminded her that both of them have good jobs. Finally she closed her eyes and after awhile I tried to sneak out of the room. I stood in the doorway and watched her for awhile, and sure enough, after about two minutes, she started slowly trying to get out of the bed again! Oh my gosh! I think she thought I had left and was trying to sneak and do it! She jumped out of her skin and looked guilty when I said something!
I told the aides, who kept a close eye on her during her nap time. Then I went back there this evening to share dinner time with her, since it is so rare for her to be conversational. She didn't seem to know who I was but she talked a lot during dinner, about all sorts of random things, not a one of which made a bit of sense, but she seemed to enjoy herself. After dinner I painted her fingernails, along with several other residents' fingernails. After they dried, I knew they would be putting her to bed and she seemed worn out, so I left. When I left, it was very clear to me that she had absolutely no idea who I was - because she told me that she would let "me" know that "I" had been there! I have no idea who she thought I was! She also told me that she had seen my mother yesterday at Radio Shack!
Also, check her sodium level. Hyponatremia (low sodium) is notorious for causing balance problems, is pretty common with low-salt diets in the elderly, and is very easily remedied.
Also, check her sodium level. Hyponatremia (low sodium) is notorious for causing balance problems, is pretty common with low-salt diets in the elderly, and is very easily remedied.
This has all been checked - and recently in fact. But thanks for the suggestion. I'll remind her medical team to continue to keep a close eye on this.
She is not, however, on a low salt diet. The facility she is in doesn't serve a low salt diet unless it is ordered by a resident's doctor, because their whole approach is that life - including food - should be as familiar and enjoyable as possible for as long as possible for their residents. Low salt diets don't generally taste very good!
My MIL has advanced PARKINSON'S and advanced ALZHEIMER'S. The Parkinson's has been what has caused her "balance problems" for years now. The combination of these two debilitating diseases is what has caused her to be eventually unable to stand or walk on her own and to be basically confined to a wheelchair. Not only is her balance affected by these two diseases, her muscles have atrophied due to several years of disuse. Some of this could have been avoided by physical therapy but we were not in charge of her care till recently and her husband would not "force" her to do physical therapy, which she has always hated and resisted. Even prior to the onset of these diseases, she was a very inactive person.
She also has had two brain stem strokes in the past couple of months.
We have tried to implement physical therapy but it's really a losing battle. She won't cooperate and cries and struggles the entire time. It's not worth the stress it causes her at this point.
These are the reasons she is trying to get up and falling now - she has no concept of not being able to stand or walk, she forgets that she can't do this, then she falls as soon as she manages to get in a vertical position. She also has hallucinations - caused by the dementia - and sometimes believes she HAS to get up - to go check on a baby, to pick up something imaginary, to get ready for work, you name it.
The poor woman is probably scared, bored, and lonely; perhaps instead of writing long posts about her, you could actually spend time reassuring her. SMH at "caregivers" who have the time to blog, post, write books, and attend caregiver support groups. If you're really giving care, you don't have the time!
I'd suggest instead of listing the reasons why you can't do it, just do it (or at least do something)...
I'll sign off this thread now; too frustrating!
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