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Old 11-09-2015, 10:24 PM
 
25,726 posts, read 32,688,446 times
Reputation: 31512

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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Your employer has to hold your job, or they would have a nice lawsuit on their hands.
You clearly don't know the law. They are under NO obligation to hold my position for me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Look, you just don't want to bothered, you said that on the other thread. I give you credit for admitting that, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver, it's best for them and the parent not to do it, as elder abuse can occur.
I certainly did NOT say that. You may choose to interpret my words that way, but that is not what I stated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
But than don't blame tight finances when it's not your issue.
I didn't. You should probably practice reading comprehension a bit.
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Old 11-09-2015, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,189,987 times
Reputation: 14815
There are some mad assumption skills going on here.

Some older folk don't choose to move to live with their children. They wish to hold on to their independence as long as possible. If they have the support system to do so and are well and happy, then there is no problem. Most thoughtful, intelligent children (such as Mattie) have thought ahead and have contingency plans. It's not just the loudmouths who have done so.
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Old 11-09-2015, 11:41 PM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,540,551 times
Reputation: 33940
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick View Post
There are some mad assumption skills going on here.

Some older folk don't choose to move to live with their children. They wish to hold on to their independence as long as possible. If they have the support system to do so and are well and happy, then there is no problem. Most thoughtful, intelligent children (such as Mattie) have thought ahead and have contingency plans. It's not just the loudmouths who have done so.

True, but there are also cases when someone gets the call your father just drove the car into the house, because no one stepped up to the plate when they should have.

And if you're relying heavily on neighbors than no you don't have a plan in place. Because neighbors can only do so much.

The OP chose not to(and that is her choice) to answer some basic logical questions. Why couldn't she say how far she and her siblings are from her mother?
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Old 11-09-2015, 11:53 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,729 posts, read 23,006,190 times
Reputation: 37117
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
... Why couldn't she say how far she and her siblings are from her mother?
Because it has no bearing on the question she posed. If she'd have wanted anyone's opinion on the frequency of her visits she would have asked that. She didn't.
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Old 11-10-2015, 06:10 AM
 
9,168 posts, read 7,013,150 times
Reputation: 11134
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
You're the one who is "bunched up" about it. I am merely pointing out you can't rely on neighbors forever.

As the situation declines the family needs to have a plan.
If the OP was relying on neighbors she wouldn't be asking how to ensure they aren't feeling obligated now, would she?

I'm sure people in over 55 communties look out for their neighbors to some degree quite commonly. It doesn't mean the adult children of the resident aren't doing what's required, it just means it's a community of nice thoughtful people.

You can have both, you know.

There's nothing here to indicate the OP is relying on neighbors forever and doesn't have a plan. Nothing whatsoever.

Funny you bring up posts of the OP regarding talking on long drives. Where is it you think she was going? Oh I know - to visit her mother.
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Old 11-10-2015, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,181 posts, read 35,687,076 times
Reputation: 62415
I think the question of how far the OP lives from her mother is a reasonable question considering the original question is regarding the care that neighbors have been providing for the OP's mom. The OP can choose not to answer that question, but it's not a question that is out of line or inappropriate.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,729 posts, read 23,006,190 times
Reputation: 37117
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I think the question of how far the OP lives from her mother is a reasonable question considering the original question is regarding the care that neighbors have been providing for the OP's mom. The OP can choose not to answer that question, but it's not a question that is out of line or inappropriate.
How is it related to Mattie's question, which was simply how to convey her thanks appropriately? The only reason to ask about the distance she lives or the frequency of her visits is to somehow make a determination as to whether she is doing "enough" . She wasn't asking whether she does enough. She knows her mother's situation and doesn't require posters who don't know anything about her family to hand her some kind of judgment as to whether she's as good of a daughter as theyes see themselves.
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Old 11-10-2015, 10:25 AM
 
9,168 posts, read 7,013,150 times
Reputation: 11134
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I think the question of how far the OP lives from her mother is a reasonable question considering the original question is regarding the care that neighbors have been providing for the OP's mom. The OP can choose not to answer that question, but it's not a question that is out of line or inappropriate.
Why? Our next door neighbor is 97, and we bring in her trash cans and do other assorted bits and pieces, even though her immediate family live in the area and visit regularly, and she has in home care. What difference does it make whether the OP lives close by? (She doesn't.) It makes no difference to us that our neighbor's family is constantly visiting. We do it anyway.

A lot of times neighbors do these things in the course of checking in, or keeping the person company. It's not really "care" in a formal sense. And my gosh, if we can do this in urban Philadelphia, then I would surmise that it's a perfectly natural thing for over 55 neighborhood persons and that it's awfully nice of the OP to both thank the neighbor with a gift and make sure they don't feel like they have to do it if it becomes burdensome to them.

Which makes the whole insinuation that the OP is using her neighbors to provide care that she won't ridiculous. That, btw, is grounds for not answering that fishing gotcha question that has nothing to do with the purpose of the OP's post.

If she were doing the former she'd be trying to get the neighbor to keep doing it, not trying to make sure the neighbor doesn't feel obligated.
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Old 11-10-2015, 11:07 AM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,540,551 times
Reputation: 33940
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
If the OP was relying on neighbors she wouldn't be asking how to ensure they aren't feeling obligated now, would she?

I'm sure people in over 55 communties look out for their neighbors to some degree quite commonly. It doesn't mean the adult children of the resident aren't doing what's required, it just means it's a community of nice thoughtful people.

You can have both, you know.

There's nothing here to indicate the OP is relying on neighbors forever and doesn't have a plan. Nothing whatsoever.

Funny you bring up posts of the OP regarding talking on long drives. Where is it you think she was going? Oh I know - to visit her mother.
Yes, you can have both, and it's great if you do.

But it's your mother, you should be first in line. The neighbors, senior rides, are secondary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I think the question of how far the OP lives from her mother is a reasonable question considering the original question is regarding the care that neighbors have been providing for the OP's mom. The OP can choose not to answer that question, but it's not a question that is out of line or inappropriate.
No it wasn't out of line. Don't put your business online if you don't want any questions so the other posters can get a clearer picture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
How is it related to Mattie's question, which was simply how to convey her thanks appropriately? The only reason to ask about the distance she lives or the frequency of her visits is to somehow make a determination as to whether she is doing "enough" . She wasn't asking whether she does enough. She knows her mother's situation and doesn't require posters who don't know anything about her family to hand her some kind of judgment as to whether she's as good of a daughter as theyes see themselves.
It looks like you have been on CD for 7 years. First time you have seen other posters ask questions to understand a situation? Doubtful.

Or the first time other posters questioned a situation? Doubtful.

Here's a solution, if someone doesn't want any comments that they don't like or think are judgmental, than don't post the situation on CD.
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Old 11-10-2015, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,729 posts, read 23,006,190 times
Reputation: 37117
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Yes, you can have both, and it's great if you do.

But it's your mother, you should be first in line. The neighbors, senior rides, are secondary.



No it wasn't out of line. Don't put your business online if you don't want any questions so the other posters can get a clearer picture.



It looks like you have been on CD for 7 years. First time you have seen other posters ask questions to understand a situation? Doubtful.

Or the first time other posters questioned a situation? Doubtful.

Here's a solution, if someone doesn't want any comments that they don't like or think are judgmental, than don't post the situation on CD.
How exactly would the distance she lives from her mother help to clarify the OP - which again, was simply how to convey gratitude to a neighbor?
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