Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm super curious to know what the Will states for OP's mother. Does she get the house after she dies, money, other assets?
I have a friend, retired RN, taking care of her 90+YO mother, in a separate house in her property in Southern CA, and I hear similar complaints, brothers/sister don't care, never visit, etc.
Yet, she's made absolutely sure, with a good lawyer, for all her "pain and suffering", she will inherit the house and the house she lives in, along with any money left, and the brothers/sisters get nothing!
Yes, a big shining light at the end of the tunnel!
Also, OP, in regards to your reactions to your brothers: Point a finger at someone, and you're pointing 3 fingers at yourself!
When she was in rehab she ran out of medicare benefits and she had to apply for medicaid. In other words, no money and the house gets sold and the money is used to pay her medical bills. hmm, maybe if there was an asset he would be around. You're last comment doesn't make sense but sounds like an attack. Maybe I'll just do as my deadbeat brother wants, just dump her in a nursing home, on the tax payer dime and be done with it.
I've been really stressed physically and financially in caring for my mother. I have two brothers, we all live close by and close to my mom's house, one (the middle brother) helps some but he does give lots of (sometimes whiney) excuses, but he does help. My other brother drops in for a visit once every two weeks, stays 1-2 hours max and never asks if she needs anything. The funny part is he is the one that my mom babied all his life (no biggie, my other brother and I were used to it).
Anyway, I just don't understand how knowing that your mother, within the hospice program and is not long on this earth, how anyone can be so cold. She always treated him very well as she did the rest of us. Even though my mother cries about needing so much help I can tell her feelings are very hurt over my brother.
Me, I'm angry and will never talk to him again. He's pathetic and I'm ashamed of him. I've helped him when he was down but when someone else is down he's nowhere.
I just don't understand.
I totally agree with you. Same thing happened to my sister. Her daughter who she fawned over since she was a baby did the same cold routine. These are adult children mind you not teens. No excuses and I don't speak to her either because of her selfish attitude. Her mother did everything for her. It's heartbreaking....
I'm super curious to know what the Will states for OP's mother. Does she get the house after she dies, money, other assets?
I have a friend, retired RN, taking care of her 90+YO mother, in a separate house in her property in Southern CA, and I hear similar complaints, brothers/sister don't care, never visit, etc.
Yet, she's made absolutely sure, with a good lawyer, for all her "pain and suffering", she will inherit the house and the house she lives in, along with any money left, and the brothers/sisters get nothing!
Yes, a big shining light at the end of the tunnel!
Also, OP, in regards to your reactions to your brothers: Point a finger at someone, and you're pointing 3 fingers at yourself!
First off you're some good friend for talking about her like that.
Second, do the brother and sister come to the house and are greeted by a pistol packing RN who tells them to get off the property.....LOL. No, they don't bother with their mother and it's all on your "friend".
That's why she feels they way she does, and rightly so. It doesn't get much worse than when you need a sibling's help the most, and no help is forthcoming.
Third, you CANNOT I repeat CANNOT do that, the lawyer will take the elderly parent into a meeting without any adult children present in regards to making any such decisions. Your friend has no say so in what the mother decides to leave and to whom. The elderly parent also has to be in the right state of mind before a lawyer will even do this.
And especially in a state like CA, I know I live here. We have strict laws on this.
I totally agree with you. Same thing happened to my sister. Her daughter who she fawned over since she was a baby did the same cold routine. These are adult children mind you not teens. No excuses and I don't speak to her either because of her selfish attitude. Her mother did everything for her. It's heartbreaking....
It is heartbreaking, yet these do nothing adult children always manage to find the time once the parent is gone to arrive on the scene.
It's one thing if you had lousy parents, but when you have a situation like you mentioned, it's mind blowing.
I don't know how some people put their heads on their pillows at night.
emotional strength has NOT A THING to do with this.... I, too, have a brother who was absolutely useless in helping with our mother..... and in fact, I had to take over her finances a couple of years before I moved her up here because he was nickel and dimiing and dollaring her to death......
Over the ENTIRE eight years she was in a nursing home here, my brother and his family visited maybe TWICE.... and always on MY dime because I wanted my mother to see her son and grandson.....
He just couldn't handle seeing her in such a deteriorated condition.... HIS words..... made me sick.....
and yes, I have cut contact with him over the past several years.....
I HATE that excuse.
A good friend's father used that excuse while her mother was dying of breast cancer. He moved in with another woman because HE couldn't handle seeing his wife of 30 years in that condition. My friend drove 16 hours round trip each weekend for months (she was in college at the time) to see her mother and give her brother and his wife a break from being caretakers. My friend forgave her father, and had a close relationship with her father and his new wife.
This was long before I'd known her, and after hearing this story I actually distanced myself from this friend. I could NOT look at her the same way, knowing she still let her father in to her life after the horrible thing he'd done. I get forgiveness, but some things are just unforgivable. My friend's excuse was that her father was "weak". So what? Most of us are, until faced with hardship. They you become strong for the other person.
Some people just don't know how to deal with losing their loved ones, and thus, act really cold.
Doesn't mean he doesn't care about your Mom..he just has no way of handling it other than being cold in front of others..and probably crying his eyes out when nobody else is around.
Go a little easy on him and just stick together as a family. Your mom would want you to.
Some people just don't know how to deal with losing their loved ones, and thus, act really cold.
Doesn't mean he doesn't care about your Mom..he just has no way of handling it other than being cold in front of others..and probably crying his eyes out when nobody else is around.
Go a little easy on him and just stick together as a family. Your mom would want you to.
Sending prayers and hugs..God Bless.
So what if everyone took this stance? In most cases the same ones who can't handle the parent passing somehow make a quick recovery when it comes time for the reading of the will.
It's not that they can't handle it, they're self absorbed.
It's one thing to keep your emotions intact in front of others, that's not what the OP is talking about, it is a complete disregard and offering no help.
Some people just don't know how to deal with losing their loved ones, and thus, act really cold.
Doesn't mean he doesn't care about your Mom..he just has no way of handling it other than being cold in front of others..and probably crying his eyes out when nobody else is around.
Go a little easy on him and just stick together as a family. Your mom would want you to.
Sending prayers and hugs..God Bless.
That's a bunch of BS.
Go easy on him? Stick together as a family? ROFLMAO? yea, like the person using your lame excuse is acting like family.
It's one thing to keep your emotions intact in front of others, that's not what the OP is talking about, it is a complete disregard and offering no help.
True. Even if one can't offer in-person caregiving, certainly one could help with the expenses to the best of their ability.
I can't stand my mother but when her time comes I will happily pitch in for whatever's needed, just as long as I don't have to be around her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
