I am not strong enough... I am not! (child, money, attention)
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My knew that my was difficult at times & even BEFORE we moved down here I told her this very thing. Again she was warned. Read previous posts...
Because of her health & unlimited time known time to live we thought she might mellow out. I was wrong.
Her kids are none of your or anyone else concern. They are well taken care of & live with their dad by choice.
The Asheville thing as been repeated over & over again sorry that you missed it.
Quit telling people to "read your posts" and acting like they're not. I've read every one of your posts, English is not my second language, and I understand more of what you're saying than you think I do.
Your story is full of strangeness and side issues which is why people are reacting as they are. And you are not receptive to any advice. So I'm done.
My knew that my was difficult at times & even BEFORE we moved down here I told her this very thing. Again she was warned. Read previous posts...
Because of her health & unlimited time known time to live we thought she might mellow out. I was wrong. Her kids are none of your or anyone else concern. They are well taken care of & live with their dad by choice.
The Asheville thing as been repeated over & over again sorry that you missed it.
Curious why you brought the kids up in the first place since they really had no bearing on your decision to leave NC and move to GA?
Yeah, she'd have to admit she is dying. That's rough.
Look into Advanced Illness Management (AIM) Many insurance companies now offer it.
They would come and bathe my MIL, monitor her meds, sent a Physical Therapist. I am not sure where your mother really is in her journey but Hospice can sometimes change their mind and move on out. If they think she will live longer than first expected.
AIM group were wonderful! Hospice is more for comfort measures so each one is designed for different phases in life.
Wow. I've never heard of AIM before. Thank you.
I thought you had to do the best you could with a patchwork of home healthcare aides and visiting O.T.s until it was time for hospice.
Quit telling people to "read your posts" and acting like they're not. I've read every one of your posts, English is not my second language, and I understand more of what you're saying than you think I do.
If people are indeed reading all the post, then why do I spend most of the time answering the same questions?
A friend volunteered with hospice as part of her training to be a nurse. She told us she had been to one training session, orientation really, paperwork and so forth when they called her to come sit with a woman as the regular volunteer couldn't make it.
She ended up holding this woman's hand, sometimes singing to her for about five hours until she eventually stopped breathing.
In the beginning, she felt sort of a panic. What am I doing here? I don't anything about helping people die.
But after awhile there was a peace.
It was an unforgettable experience but a reminder to me that the experience and training of hospice volunteers can vary widely.
If people are indeed reading all the post, then why do I spend most of the time answering the same questions?
Most of your responses aren't answering the same questions. They're protestations couched "as if" you're having to answer the same questions. Getting straightforward information from you minus the umbrage is very difficult.
Look, you need to understand something - most of the people on this section of the forum are very kind hearted and understanding and helpful. Many have been through similar situations, or faced with similar choices. Many WANT to help when someone comes along here in an obvious pickle or full of anxiety. The best way to help someone is to truly understand the situation - as much of the situation as possible.
There's a lot of help to be found here - but you have to be willing to listen.
I hear you. I am sorry it's so difficult. I would caution you (as I don't know the backstory to this post) that giving up the rest of your life, waiting on your mom to die, could prove fatal for the rest of your life - you need to be aware of that.
I had a dear old neighbour who was the president of some community bank (MANY years go, whilst I was growing up), he was wealthy, had a full life, etc. His mom was deemed terminal, he retired early, took a reverse mortgage out on his house to care for his mom, as did his sister, & they cared for her, waiting for her to die, putting the entire rest of their lives on hold until that happened.
Well, it happened, but she lived about 20 years longer. Then, his sister was sick & they were the only people each other had, so, he waited for her to die. He never lived his own life. He pushed everything aside to care for her. And, in the end, he was deeply filled with sorrow & regret & bitterness.
It was good & right & noble to care for your mother - but, your life matters too - is there a way to see that she's cared for without putting your wife & her needs aside?
It all comes down to this my mom has no one else to take care of her nor is she going to go in a nursing home. Her mom died about two years ago & her sister died last year. My cousins & be are it they live in Tenn & will not come down to take care of her or help. I am it period. No my marriage is not in danger by any means. But the idea of having a LDR with my wife isn't something I relish. My wife & I have been talking her mom lives 3 hours from her near Orlando, Fla. She MIGHT go down & stay with her & still be close. Her kids haven't seen their grandmother for a long time (long story) so they could see her as well & still be close to me. Another thought is that she goes down there gets a job & finds us a place & I move as well, again still being close to my mom. This was not well thought out I agree & I should of put my foot down more when my wife suggested it. With that said she was trying to do the right thing...sometimes the right thing isn't easy.
Most of your responses aren't answering the same questions. They're protestations couched "as if" you're having to answer the same questions. Getting straightforward information from you minus the umbrage is very difficult.
Look, you need to understand something - most of the people on this section of the forum are very kind hearted and understanding and helpful. Many have been through similar situations, or faced with similar choices. Many WANT to help when someone comes along here in an obvious pickle or full of anxiety. The best way to help someone is to truly understand the situation - as much of the situation as possible.
There's a lot of help to be found here - but you have to be willing to listen.
Kathryn as usual is spot on!
People who come on the Caregiving forum do so because they're in a similar situation. Every once in awhile you get some who clearly have never done any caregiving, and I don't get why they come on here, that would be me like me posting on Fashion and Beauty....LOL...but they do.
One of the suggestions given by myself and others were since there was two of them(although the wife now wants to leave) was one goes to the store, one stays with mom.
The OP seemed annoyed on one thread that him and the wife would go out to dinner and the mother would have fallen in the house. Well sorry, you want to go out to dinner you hire someone or ask someone to stay with mom. Otherwise going out to dinner is off the table for now.
Caregiving isn't for everyone, and one of the things is you have to put yourself on the back burner, that doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself(you have to), but things like going to dinner when you have someone that can't be left alone, well that goes by the wayside for the time being, unless you can get someone to cover for you.
Many of us were/are sole caregivers, we didn't have a helper. The OP complained about lack of sleep, so you sleep in shifts.
When you have two able bodied and willing people caring for one person, you just cut down the workload and stress by 50%.
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