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Old 11-11-2015, 08:32 AM
 
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My dad has lung cancer, renal failure and other health problems. He's getting to the point where he can't walk or even stand on his own some days. He fell while I was at work yesterday but he claims he didn't. He's very stubborn and in denial. He still thinks he can do everything on his own.

I've had to take 13 days off work this year to take him to the E.R. I only get 15 days off a year. It's just me and him and he lives with me but it's getting the point where I just don't know what to do anymore. One of the times he was in the hospital they mentioned about putting him in a nursing home because they couldn't keep taking him in the hospital.

I'm thinking it's time to put him in a nursing home but I have a feeling family is going to put me under the fire for this. But my dad lives with me, not them.

I have a good job and I cannot afford to lose it. If I do we both starve. Is it time? Any advice?
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:55 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,039 posts, read 17,354,477 times
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That is a difficult decision. You need to do what is best for your dad & for you.

But, if you think that "family" will criticize you later perhaps you should be pro-active.

"Siblings, the doctors say that our dad can not be left alone during the day anymore. Mary, you need to come to our house every Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday from 7 AM until 6 PM. John, you need to come every Thursday & Friday plus Saturday from noon to five so that I can run errands."

" Aunt Susie & Uncle George, your brother has been asking and asking to see you so please come every Sunday from noon to five to keep him company while I do the laundry & do yard work."

Your relatives can not criticize you if you tell them that you need help and they refuse to help.

Good luck.
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Old 11-11-2015, 09:05 AM
 
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I don't have any siblings to help. I have an aunt that can help sometimes but she cannot be with my dad all day Mon-Fri while I'm at work. She has a life too. Plus she is old herself and if my dad happen to fall she wouldn't be able to get him up. Hell I can barely get him up off the floor.
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Old 11-11-2015, 09:54 AM
 
3,758 posts, read 10,638,121 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebellious1 View Post
I don't have any siblings to help. I have an aunt that can help sometimes but she cannot be with my dad all day Mon-Fri while I'm at work. She has a life too. Plus she is old herself and if my dad happen to fall she wouldn't be able to get him up. Hell I can barely get him up off the floor.
As to whether or not he should be in a nursing home - that's for you/him/and his doctors to determine.

If the answer is yes -- how is that going to be paid for?

Its not free.

If your father isn't already approved for medicaid - you'll need to get on that right away. If your father has assets - it will all be spent (on his care) before medicaid will approve.

If he's living in your house - not an issue. If you're living in his house - issue. (the house would be kept for a spouse, but I don't know if an adult child would be given the same consideration).

The alternative to a nursing home is getting an aide to assist him during the day ... but they also have to be paid. Your father might qualify for some county or state programs that might assist with the costs... but again - it would depend on his financial status.

Best of luck to you and your father in finding the right solution.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebellious1 View Post
I don't have any siblings to help. I have an aunt that can help sometimes but she cannot be with my dad all day Mon-Fri while I'm at work. She has a life too. Plus she is old herself and if my dad happen to fall she wouldn't be able to get him up. Hell I can barely get him up off the floor.
I was assuming that you were worried about what your siblings or other close relatives would feel about your decision to put your father in a nursing home. Frankly, it is none of their business for your cousins or second cousins to decide or criticize what is best for you and your dad.

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:09 AM
 
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That's a lot of trips to the ER.

Would some of the trips have been avoided if he was in a nursing home or an assisted living facility? If so, it's obvious he would be getting better care by transitioning to full-time care. Even if it's not the case, it seems to be just a matter of time and the move would be proactive.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:20 AM
 
39,260 posts, read 20,360,961 times
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Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I was assuming that you were worried about what your siblings or other close relatives would feel about your decision to put your father in a nursing home. Frankly, it is none of their business for your cousins or second cousins to decide or criticize what is best for you and your dad.

Good luck to both of you.
I agree, people who do not have input in their care don't have any business having input otherwise. OP, it's about safety and if they are not safe and if they are unwilling to help then you don't have a choice. Ask them first so they know you did ask and they don't come back on you saying "I would have helped".

It is a heartbreaking decision but safety first. Did you ever see someone who just broke their hip? It's very painful and they go downhill from there.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:36 AM
 
25,986 posts, read 32,996,703 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
As to whether or not he should be in a nursing home - that's for you/him/and his doctors to determine.

If the answer is yes -- how is that going to be paid for?

Its not free.

If your father isn't already approved for medicaid - you'll need to get on that right away. If your father has assets - it will all be spent (on his care) before medicaid will approve.

If he's living in your house - not an issue. If you're living in his house - issue. (the house would be kept for a spouse, but I don't know if an adult child would be given the same consideration).
They would, if the child had been living there 2 years or more.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,039 posts, read 17,354,477 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lchoro View Post
That's a lot of trips to the ER.

Would some of the trips have been avoided if he was in a nursing home or an assisted living facility? If so, it's obvious he would be getting better care by transitioning to full-time care. Even if it's not the case, it seems to be just a matter of time and the move would be proactive.
Very good points.

I am a little surprised that if Dad had serious enough problems or emergencies that he needed to be seen in the hospital emergency room 13 times, rather than just seen by his doctor in his/her office, none of those issues needed rehabilitation in the hospital or in a skilled nursing facility.

Or did Dad refuse rehab for those issues?
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Old 11-11-2015, 11:35 AM
 
6,809 posts, read 3,864,772 times
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It sounds like your father definitely needs someone to help him full time, either at home or in a nursing home. Of course he won't want to go at first. But if you can find a good facility he will most likely end up enjoying the company of others. At least this was my experience with my own father and two other relatives. This is a difficult decision all around I know, but remember, broken bones are very difficult to heal in the elderly and often cause permanent immobility. Good luck with your Dad!
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