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Old 12-12-2015, 12:33 PM
 
7,919 posts, read 7,245,545 times
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Since he helped you move, he may be assuming what's left at the condo consists mainly of things you've discarded.

Junk haulers woud be an efficient method. You could also contact charities to pick up furniture, clothing, etc. if you want to spare the cost and time. You'll have to box or bag things.
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Old 12-12-2015, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lchoro View Post
Since he helped you move, he may be assuming what's left at the condo consists mainly of things you've discarded.

Junk haulers woud be an efficient method. You could also contact charities to pick up furniture, clothing, etc. if you want to spare the cost and time. You'll have to box or bag things.

Well, my brother did NOT help me move (but, did do things by phone & pay people to help me), and he has NOT seen the condo since before anything was moved.


Frankly, I do not call items such as my entire summer wardrobe, discharge documents from the Civil War (unfortunately, only signed by a general not by President Lincoln), family heirlooms & antiques dating back to the 1880s, boxes of new children's books, plus ALL of our adult daughter's clothing, personal items, bedroom furniture as something that we should just call a "junk hauler" to get rid of.


I have a feeling that some readers are "picturing" something that is a lot different than the mostly bare, empty rooms of the condo, one bedroom of furniture, a couch, a TV & a card table & folding chairs in the empty main rooms. Now, there are several filled shelving units in the basement & garage & many filled drawers and closets throughout the place.


Actually, I am amazed at how much was accomplished in only 2 1/2 weeks while I was still providing 24/7 supervision of my husband and living with him in a different, nearby city. I really doubt if very many people would be able to accomplish that much, that fast while still doing full time caregiving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Here comes a vent.

I can tell that I am still pretty exhausted and overwhelmed. A few days ago my brother said in an email to me, CC to my siblings & my children, that I should just call "You Got Junk" and have the entire condo emptied to the bare walls to hasten getting it on the market. Well, I got so upset that I cried for several hours (hell, it was actually off and on for a full day).


BTW, while I do not dispute there still is some "junk" there (after all we lived there for over 30 years) there are a lot of things there that are certainly NOT junk. There are two large shelving units filled with boxes of new children's books, teaching materials & educational supplies (that I need to sort personally to downsize), another shelving unit filled with antiques from our grandfather's & great-grandfather's farms (all these items are 75 to 125 years old, even two things dating back to the Civil War) - that I need to either keep or give to other family members, several items that were my husband's grandparents/great-grandparents things (does his siblings want them?), plus a closet filled with all my dresses and "off season" clothes (which I have not had a chance to bring over yet) and a closet filled with new items that I have for sale in my eBay store.


We did "find good homes" for a lot of furniture, household items, books & other things, donated furniture & items to Goodwill & Salvation Army, used Craigslist-Free items to get rid of stuff, had a special garbage pick-up plus did A LOT in the two and half weeks since we started our major downsize (our son came in from out of state). Yes, except for the original move of furniture to the new apartment the downsizing has all taken place in just 2 1/2 weeks (while I was still supervising my husband 24/7)!

In addition, our daughter still lives there, so we have an entire bedroom full of her furniture & all of her clothing & possessions, plus dishes/cookware/TV/towels/cleaning supplies/etc/etc still in the condo.
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Old 12-12-2015, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,598 posts, read 14,200,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Well, my brother did NOT help me move (but, did do things by phone & pay people to help me), and he has NOT seen the condo since before anything was moved.


Frankly, I do not call items such as my entire summer wardrobe, discharge documents from the Civil War (unfortunately, only signed by a general not by President Lincoln), family heirlooms & antiques dating back to the 1880s, boxes of new children's books, plus ALL of our adult daughter's clothing, personal items, bedroom furniture as something that we should just call a "junk hauler" to get rid of.


I have a feeling that some readers are "picturing" something that is a lot different than the mostly bare, empty rooms of the condo, one bedroom of furniture, a couch, a TV & a card table & folding chairs in the empty main rooms. Now, there are several filled shelving units in the basement & garage & many filled drawers and closets throughout the place.


Actually, I am amazed at how much was accomplished in only 2 1/2 weeks while I was still providing 24/7 supervision of my husband and living with him in a different, nearby city. I really doubt if very many people would be able to accomplish that much, that fast while still doing full time caregiving.
Actually, I have thought the same, Germaine, when reading your posts. I think you are a marvel of determination. I continue to hope for improvement for your DH.

Please, as best you can, take care of yourself.
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Old 12-12-2015, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
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I talked to my brother today and it is possible that there was a communication problem. Or, it is possible that he is "back tracking" on what he said/meant about calling "You Got Junk" to "empty the place to the walls". What he told me today was that he thought that professionals should be called to carry the large items because they knew how to "lift and carry things" without getting hurt and also he was concerned about me carrying boxes up from the basement or down from upstairs with my arthritis. Well, whether that is really what he meant or not I will never know.


Tomorrow will be a major work day. Our adult daughter will stay with her father/my husband at our new place while I go to the condo. My brother has hired two men to help move boxes to the new place, drive things to Goodwill, empty drawers or closets into boxes, clean or whatever else I ask them to do. My younger brother will also help by going through some of the family items and doing other things.


My husband has had some very good days recently.

Last edited by germaine2626; 12-12-2015 at 10:14 PM..
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Old 12-13-2015, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,598 posts, read 14,200,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I talked to my brother today and it is possible that there was a communication problem. Or, it is possible that he is "back tracking" on what he said/meant about calling "You Got Junk" to "empty the place to the walls". What he told me today was that he thought that professionals should be called to carry the large items because they knew how to "lift and carry things" without getting hurt and also he was concerned about me carrying boxes up from the basement or down from upstairs with my arthritis. Well, whether that is really what he meant or not I will never know.


Tomorrow will be a major work day. Our adult daughter will stay with her father/my husband at our new place while I go to the condo. My brother has hired two men to help move boxes to the new place, drive things to Goodwill, empty drawers or closets into boxes, clean or whatever else I ask them to do. My younger brother will also help by going through some of the family items and doing other things.


My husband has had some very good days recently.
I hope you had a productive day, Germaine. And I am glad that your DH has had some very good days. Sleep well.
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Old 12-14-2015, 05:12 AM
 
3,758 posts, read 10,600,166 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I talked to my brother today and it is possible that there was a communication problem. Or, it is possible that he is "back tracking" on what he said/meant about calling "You Got Junk" to "empty the place to the walls". What he told me today was that he thought that professionals should be called to carry the large items because they knew how to "lift and carry things" without getting hurt and also he was concerned about me carrying boxes up from the basement or down from upstairs with my arthritis. Well, whether that is really what he meant or not I will never know.


Tomorrow will be a major work day. Our adult daughter will stay with her father/my husband at our new place while I go to the condo. My brother has hired two men to help move boxes to the new place, drive things to Goodwill, empty drawers or closets into boxes, clean or whatever else I ask them to do. My younger brother will also help by going through some of the family items and doing other things.


My husband has had some very good days recently.
Marvelous!!!

Glad that the "communication issue" has been resolved - nice of him to arrange for some assistance for you for the heavy lifting. Hope it's a very productive day.

And most importantly - I'm so very very pleased that your husband has had some really good days!
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Old 12-15-2015, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
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Default Update- Dec. 15

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I talked to my brother today and it is possible that there was a communication problem. Or, it is possible that he is "back tracking" on what he said/meant about calling "You Got Junk" to "empty the place to the walls". What he told me today was that he thought that professionals should be called to carry the large items because they knew how to "lift and carry things" without getting hurt and also he was concerned about me carrying boxes up from the basement or down from upstairs with my arthritis. Well, whether that is really what he meant or not I will never know.


Tomorrow will be a major work day. Our adult daughter will stay with her father/my husband at our new place while I go to the condo. My brother has hired two men to help move boxes to the new place, drive things to Goodwill, empty drawers or closets into boxes, clean or whatever else I ask them to do. My younger brother will also help by going through some of the family items and doing other things.


My husband has had some very good days recently.

The work day was quite productive. The men (actually HS seniors who are football players and weightlifters) did all of the heavy lifting and box carrying up from the basement. It was amazing what they got done in just four hours at the condo & apartment. Then they transported ten boxes of books to my niece's house for her library book sale and took other items to my brother's house. My brother has already said that he would hire them again, and pay the bill, if I needed them additional times.


After more discussions with my siblings, it turns out that my older brother probably never meant that he would actually call someone to empty the condo "to the bare walls" but meant it more as I posted earlier, having professionals (or strong, healthy young men) do the lifting and carrying so that my daughter and I did not have to do it. Of course, there may have been a bit of an implied threat involved, too. If I did not keep on working on the sorting & downsizing that could happen. He did get the family nickname "The Enforcer" for a reason. My siblings are concerned that I am paying double for housing as long as I am paying the mortgage on the condo & renting an apartment. That is a huge financial drain, especially since I had to stop working.


My siblings have been wonderful throughout this entire ordeal. But, that is how we were raised. We grew up seeing our parents helping their older friends and relatives. And, we all worked together when our mother became disabled. We also helped other relatives who needed help. It is interesting that both my sister and I went into helping professions. Both of my children are "helping others" too, albeit in two very different ways. Our son is a scientist (Phd. in a type of Microbiology) working on curing diseases in humans and our daughter has spent years educating people on HIV & AIDS prevention and awareness. They are both wonderful, caring adults.


I am very happy that my husband has been making strong progress.
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Old 12-15-2015, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,598 posts, read 14,200,956 times
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So glad for the good update, Germaine.
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Old 12-19-2015, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
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Default Update, December 19

Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
The work day was quite productive. The men (actually HS seniors who are football players and weightlifters) did all of the heavy lifting and box carrying up from the basement. It was amazing what they got done in just four hours at the condo & apartment. Then they transported ten boxes of books to my niece's house for her library book sale and took other items to my brother's house. My brother has already said that he would hire them again, and pay the bill, if I needed them additional times.


After more discussions with my siblings, it turns out that my older brother probably never meant that he would actually call someone to empty the condo "to the bare walls" but meant it more as I posted earlier, having professionals (or strong, healthy young men) do the lifting and carrying so that my daughter and I did not have to do it. Of course, there may have been a bit of an implied threat involved, too. If I did not keep on working on the sorting & downsizing that could happen. He did get the family nickname "The Enforcer" for a reason. My siblings are concerned that I am paying double for housing as long as I am paying the mortgage on the condo & renting an apartment. That is a huge financial drain, especially since I had to stop working.


My siblings have been wonderful throughout this entire ordeal. But, that is how we were raised. We grew up seeing our parents helping their older friends and relatives. And, we all worked together when our mother became disabled. We also helped other relatives who needed help. It is interesting that both my sister and I went into helping professions. Both of my children are "helping others" too, albeit in two very different ways. Our son is a scientist (Phd. in a type of Microbiology) working on curing diseases in humans and our daughter has spent years educating people on HIV & AIDS prevention and awareness. They are both wonderful, caring adults.


I am very happy that my husband has been making strong progress.
AAARRRGGG!!!!! I must have been too enthusiastic with my thanks regarding their help, as all week my brothers were pressuring me to set up another time. Well they worn me down so on Friday, our daughter's only day off of work before Christmas she stayed with my husband and my brother and I spent four or five hours sorting and packing. For some reason he insisted that we tackle all of the boxes & larger items such as lamps, a set of old dishes, a couple of cookie jars, etc. that were on the built in storage shelves in the basement as well as the antique farm items that was neatly on display on some other shelves. Frankly, IMHO, those things looked neat enough that there was no reason to even pack them up or move them until near the very end, but he insisted. There were other tasks that he could have done that would have been much more helpful to me. Aaarrrggg!!


First he packed up all of the farm items then he would open & hand me each box from the shelf. He would sometimes glance in a box and immediately say something like "Well, this looks like the entire whole box should go immediately into the trash" even though he really did not know what was actually in that box. Aaarrggg!!


Sometimes I would know that the box had odds & ends or old books or something else that I really did not need to save so I would say that I wanted to look through it right them, just to make sure that something else was not hiding on the bottom, as it would only take a few minutes. But, he would say that we "did not have time to do that" so we had to take it back to the storage area at our new place so I could look through it "later". There were quite a few boxes like that.


So he would switch between him wanting to just throw an entire box in the garbage, without looking inside it at all, and not letting me look through a box that I suspected I could easily empty in a few minutes. Several working lamps, cookie jars & similar items went straight into the trash because "we don't have the time to go to Goodwill".


He thought that he was being "so helpful" but in the long run it probably will take me much longer to go through every one of those boxes that he packed up and did not label very well and all those boxes that are now in my storage area.

In addition, because I had to go up and down the basement stairs so many times AND had to walk the dog even though I begged him to do it I could barely walk last night and today due to my rheumatoid arthritis. And, my stress level was so high that I was having chest pains both yesterday and today.

We have to pay extra each month because of renting another storage area and it is very hard to look through any of those boxes as it sometimes gets my husband upset so I have to do it while he is asleep (when I probably should be asleep getting my rest).


Aarrrgggg!!!! Thanks for letting me vent.

Last edited by germaine2626; 12-19-2015 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 12-19-2015, 09:29 PM
 
3,455 posts, read 2,297,678 times
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When I was an RN, I worked on a TBI unit in an acute rehab hospital. I have some sense of what you are going through. I saw many family members very stressed-out at what they had to do, and by the new responsibilities thrust upon them by their loved one's brain injury. You are doing an incredible job, but IMO you are wearing yourself to a frazzle. No one is Super Woman. Tell your brother you need some breathing room and he can back off for a while while you take care of the things that really need to be taken care of. Not sure if he thinks he is being helpful by pushing you so hard, but seriously, if the condo is empty and ready for sale by spring, that will be plenty of time. If you don't care for yourself (and your own health issues), you risk physical collapse and/or a major emotional breakdown. What I've said to you is exactly what I would say to one of my own patients. I'll get off my soapbox now.
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