U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 12-24-2015, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,326 posts, read 35,852,560 times
Reputation: 62697

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella View Post
You might be right, but I see it everywhere, including my own family. The women just gravitate to handling the physical care. I consider it a compliment to women, not a curse or sexism. In any case, I am considered a jerk for so many other reasons that this additional one will barely be noticed.
I didn't call you a jerk, but if you're able but unwilling to help with the physical needs of your aging parents and you just expect the women in your family to handle it "because they are better at it," then yes, you may be a jerk.

I am pretty sure that the women in your family don't consider it a compliment to be the ones always expected to do the physical work of elder care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-24-2015, 08:03 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,720 posts, read 16,469,939 times
Reputation: 22324
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella View Post
The close physical care of a dying parent is one that is better carried out by the female sex. You can't argue with me. That is how it naturally happens in most families. It is not debated, it just happens that way naturally. And always has. And always will. Guys should help as much as possible, but the close physical stuff always has been, is now, and always will be, the primary duty of the women in the family.

Even today's militant masculine feminazis will end up doing this when mom and dad are about to die. That's just the way it works.
Yes, it does often work this way because the men simply will NOT step up.

I hope you aren't married but if you are - I hope your wife refuses to wipe the azz of your aging parents.

Best of luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,326 posts, read 35,852,560 times
Reputation: 62697
With my elderly parents, yes, I've been the one that is expected to take care of them and right now, that care does NOT involve actual physical care - but it could one day, who knows? But that is because I have one disabled brother and one who lives across the country - he has lived there for decades and I just don't expect him to uproot his entire life to take care of our parents.

Even so, during the last crisis, both my brothers were calling me every day asking me if they needed to come down and help - and they would have if I had said I needed their help. Especially the one living far away. I know he would have if I had just said the word, but like I said, I don't expect that from him.

But it's NOT because he is a guy. It's because he has lived in another state for 35 years. Even so, he is planning to move down here as soon as his elderly father in law passes away - and part of the reason he is planning that is to HELP WITH OUR PARENTS AS THEY GET OLDER. He's already looking at property and putting job feelers out but they can't move till his father in law, who is on his last legs so to speak, actually passes away. Because HE IS HELPING WITH THE CARE OF HIS FATHER IN LAW.

I don't know where some people get this idea that it's a "woman's job" but I am very glad my brother doesn't feel this way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
14,087 posts, read 8,985,828 times
Reputation: 9543
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
To the people who don't help in the care of their elderly parents, you're pathetic. Top excuses:

I don't have the money:
Then give your time,




I live too far away:
Again, send money to pay for respite care. And send enough to make a damn difference.




I got blasted because my wife & I packed up & moved down here to take care of my mom. I believe that most people would rather stick them in assisted living or a nursing home of sorts. People ten to make excuses because they feel that their own lives are more important then the lives of those who cared for them & raised them. These are the people I feel sorry for the most. It's of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I know in the end it's the right thing to do & I'll miss my mom when she does go but at least I was able to visit with her before she does go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Northern NJ
7,947 posts, read 7,874,941 times
Reputation: 11164
This is one of the reasons we need to legalize assisted suicide. If you are facing Alzheimers and years of putting your kids through hell, it would be nice if you could pull the plug when life stopped being life. We need to change our philosophy on this. When terminal illness leaves you in a situation where you will be unable to handle the basics of eating and dressing and going the the bathroom, it is time to die. We should control this without apology and without inflicting years of stress and degradation on our relatives. We take better care of our cats and dogs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:08 AM
 
39,126 posts, read 20,252,823 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
What one may want versus what is actually feasible from a public cash flow perspective are entirely different things. Truly, in order to accommodate the bubble of Boomer retirements, the system needs to shift from a system that uses SSI taxes on current workers to one that uses income taxes on top "X"% earners (1% is probably too small a pool, maybe something like 4%). Unlike Social Security / Medicare / etc, the way it would work is, people below certain line get this type of senior welfare and above it there is a gradual decrease in support. Income / assets of kids would not enter into it. For anyone above the level where aid is rendered, they would be on their own in all respects, nothing from the government and no forced aid from kids.

You can't count on the upcoming generations to fund other peoples' retirement / medical care, given underemployment and structural shifts away from high paying jobs. The only thing that could save this would be massive reindustrialization / reshoring. And I am talking massive.

However, back to my point regarding antiquated filial responsibility laws. Such laws are based on the notion of succeeding generations being more affluent. That stopped happening after Boom. In fact, arguably, Boom itself contained the inflection point. Late Boom are certainly not richer than Silent. Based on current numbers, Silent are and likely will go down in history as the richest generation in US history.
So who dreamt this SS (government taking your money) scam up? And as I said, higher income people are eventually going to say screw it, just like Apple who's moved out of the country because it doesn't make sense to bring the money here, or like McD's, same thing. At what point do you think people and companies are going to stop bending over?

By you're thinking, hell, why don't you just put chains around their ankles.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:10 AM
 
39,126 posts, read 20,252,823 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I'm just saying there's no logical reason that generally speaking, women should be burdened more than their male siblings with the physical care of elderly parents.

And I think that any brother who doesn't pull his own weight with the elderly parents, and who just expects his sister to do it "because women are better at this than men" is a jerk.
Yep, self centered jerks
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:13 AM
 
39,126 posts, read 20,252,823 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yakscsd View Post
Because ON AVERAGE the men make more and the women are at home anyway. So it only makes sense for the men to keep earning. Plus, wiping a butt etc., is definitely women's work. They are more compassionate and experienced at it.
Wow, aren't you the cats meow. I'll put you in the same male chauvinistic pig category as my uncle. He says he can't find a good woman lol, I say he's not married because God wouldn't do that to a woman. If you're married she seriously miscalculated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:16 AM
 
18,724 posts, read 13,497,174 times
Reputation: 14107
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
So who dreamt this SS (government taking your money) scam up? And as I said, higher income people are eventually going to say screw it, just like Apple who's moved out of the country because it doesn't make sense to bring the money here, or like McD's, same thing. At what point do you think people and companies are going to stop bending over?

By you're thinking, hell, why don't you just put chains around their ankles.


Higher income people don't move out of the country in high numbers and won't. You tend to be overly dramatic and are just negative in general with the majority of the threads you start or post in from what I've seen. Your rants often contain wide sweeping generalizations which hardly ever hold up when scrutinized because of the wide nature in which you make your statements or claims. This has to be rooted simply in your personal experience and terrible disdain for the things that happend on your life.

The truth is there are many reason why someone might not want to take care of elderly parents and be completly justified but because you are upset with your personal situation you project it onto everyone, which as mentioned above is a failing route to take. It would really benefit you I believe to start picking out the things you are thankful for in your life and focusing on thoso things
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-24-2015, 09:17 AM
 
39,126 posts, read 20,252,823 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
Yes, it does often work this way because the men simply will NOT step up.

I hope you aren't married but if you are - I hope your wife refuses to wipe the azz of your aging parents.

Best of luck!
There was recently a thread about woman considering men irrelevant and they talk about some men who consider woman nurse maids. hmm... Marc Paolella proves it.

run away woman, run. Don't go anywhere near Marc Paolella types.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:34 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top