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Old 12-24-2015, 12:02 PM
 
39,128 posts, read 20,262,677 times
Reputation: 12691

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
Why would you bring up a neighbor's husband when I asked you if your husband was a positive? Your responses/behavior is strange
Oh that's ok, I've always thought you were a strange liberal bird too. You've always claimed we need to pay higher taxes to take care of other people in need but defend people who refuse to take care of other people in need. Obviously it's convenient thinking on your part.

LOL, because I'm laughing at the men who think it's "woman's jobs to wipe asses". They don't think it effects them negatively too. Then again, usually low life type men think like that.

My neighbor is not a low life, he'll be in our position, stuck, not happy and not living the life he dreams of. My brother is a low life, and cares only about himself and obviously think's it's woman work to wipe asses.
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:08 PM
 
18,726 posts, read 13,505,396 times
Reputation: 14107
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
Oh that's ok, I've always thought you were a strange liberal bird too. You've always claimed we need to pay higher taxes to take care of other people in need but defend people who refuse to take care of other people in need. Obviously it's convenient thinking on your part.
Convenient thinking or just simply logical? It's logical as one thought is a collective concept for an entire society vs your righteous thought that someone is a lowlife if they don't take care of their parent despite you lacking knowledge of everyone's personal sitaution


Quote:
LOL, because I'm laughing at the men who think it's "woman's jobs to wipe asses". They don't think it effects them negatively too. Then again, usually low life type men think like that.

My neighbor is not a low life, he'll be in our position, stuck, not happy and not living the life he dreams of. My brother is a low life, and cares only about himself and obviously think's it's woman work to wipe asses.


I asked if your husband was a postive in your life and you've responded twice with rambling about other people's husbands, sexism and other things. That's odd anyway you slice it
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:21 PM
 
39,128 posts, read 20,262,677 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
Convenient thinking or just simply logical? It's logical as one thought is a collective concept for an entire society vs your righteous thought that someone is a lowlife if they don't take care of their parent despite you lacking knowledge of everyone's personal sitaution

I asked if your husband was a postive in your life and you've responded twice with rambling about other people's husbands, sexism and other things. That's odd anyway you slice it
collective concept. LOL

The "collective concept" doesn't work within a family and you expect it to work within an entire society LOL
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:28 PM
 
18,726 posts, read 13,505,396 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
collective concept. LOL

Isn't the exactly what you want from your entire family? Funny you laugh at it on a societal level but complain on your level
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,501,647 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
I got blasted because my wife & I packed up & moved down here to take care of my mom. I believe that most people would rather stick them in assisted living or a nursing home of sorts. People ten to make excuses because they feel that their own lives are more important then the lives of those who cared for them & raised them. These are the people I feel sorry for the most. It's of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I know in the end it's the right thing to do & I'll miss my mom when she does go but at least I was able to visit with her before she does go.
My disabled, nearing-90 mother's been living with me for 10 years now. She only took care of me for 18. I got my own college scholarship and started my first professional job the Monday after my Saturday graduation. I also helped her take care of my father when he was dying. So it hardly seems like "I owe her" at this point.

I have lost count of people I know who are caring for members of the so-called Greatest Generation. Why do we need to care for them? Because in many cases they made no plans and did not accrue enough savings to care for themselves. Currently four of my close friends and two cousins are also caring for mothers who didn't make adequate plans for their old age. So your assertion that "most people would rather stick them in assisted living or a nursing home" certainly doesn't ring true to me.

As for elders who did accrue enough wealth to go into a professional care situation, many of them get professional care BECAUSE THEY WANT IT. Many facilities are fantastic. I know this because a member of my family is on the management staff of one in Green Valley, AZ. It consists of independent living apartments AND full-sized houses, as well as smaller apartments for the bed-ridden and a special facility for those with dementia issues. It has unbelievable gym facilities, a meditation garden, a library, an art gallery, and a coffee shop, among other amenities. There are dozens of similar places in AZ. Many residents say, "I wish I had come here the minute I retired." My SIL's mother was in a similar place in Kankakee, IL, the last decade of her life. She had friends, social activities, and top-flight medical care. Yes, there are some terrible nursing homes. But there are also plenty of good ones and they are growing in number all the time.

Those are far better situations than my mother has and now that she's mortified by how much she has burdened her children, she wishes she had gone to an assisted living facility when she still had the money for it. One of my friends' mothers has COPD and is still smoking. My friend had to quit her job and feels like she neglects her marriage to provide the care her mother needs. Another friend's mother has Alzheimer's. She is in an assisted living facility my friend moved her to a few miles from her house when her job took her to Texas. She has as much on her plate as I do with my mother in my home. Maybe more. She gets a call practically every day from the home because of something her mother needs and she's paying them a fortune because her mom ran out of money years ago.

I don't know what kind of friends you have that you got "blasted" for moving to take care of your mother, but that certainly doesn't happen to most of the people I know. I do think, however, that if any of us knew what kind of extraordinary life changes we would have to make to be the caregivers for an aging parent, we might re-think how we decided to do it. I love my mother dearly, but the past ten years of my life have been extraordinarily difficult.

Anyone who thinks they know what someone else should do about an aging parent needs to think again. Every one of these situations is unique, for the parent as well as the caregiver. You made your decision and I wish you luck with it. It will, indeed, be one of the hardest things you ever do in your life. But please don't criticize people who choose to make other arrangements. They often have very valid reasons for what they did. And I remind you, none of us asked to be born. If you voluntarily decided to care for your Mom, good for you (and me, too), but it's not a decision suitable for everyone.
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:38 PM
 
39,128 posts, read 20,262,677 times
Reputation: 12691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lowexpectations View Post
Isn't the exactly what you want from your entire family? Funny you laugh at it on a societal level but complain on your level
LOL yep, that's the whole point! I guess I'll have to spell it out for you. Families can't act as a collective yet you liberals think you can make "collective" work on a societal level.

Of course I'm laughing at the concept LOL
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Old 12-24-2015, 12:46 PM
 
18,726 posts, read 13,505,396 times
Reputation: 14107
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
LOL yep, that's the whole point! I guess I'll have to spell it out for you. Families can't act as a collective yet you liberals think you can make "collective" work on a societal level.

Of course I'm laughing at the concept LOL

Make it work is subjective, collectively society can do more and I'm not sure what your obsession is with political labels or why you've brought them up multiple times in this thread but my voting history is anything but liberal.
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Old 12-24-2015, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
14,091 posts, read 8,990,310 times
Reputation: 9544
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jukesgrrl View Post

I don't know what kind of friends you have that you got "blasted" for moving to take care of your mother, but that certainly doesn't happen to most of the people I know. I do think, however, that if any of us knew what kind of extraordinary life changes we would have to make to be the caregivers for an aging parent, we might re-think how we decided to do it. I love my mother dearly, but the past ten years of my life have been extraordinarily difficult.

Anyone who thinks they know what someone else should do about an aging parent needs to think again. Every one of these situations is unique, for the parent as well as the caregiver. You made your decision and I wish you luck with it. It will, indeed, be one of the hardest things you ever do in your life. But please don't criticize people who choose to make other arrangements. They often have very valid reasons for what they did. And I remind you, none of us asked to be born. If you voluntarily decided to care for your Mom, good for you (and me, too), but it's not a decision suitable for everyone.


It was on here that I caught hell for it. Granted I'm still not sure we make the right choice. I've been in enough nursing homes when my mom was working in nursing homes herself. Not saying that ALL nursing homes are the same mind you. For me I never spend a lot of time with my mom as a child & her me we missed a lot of years together & she's got no one else. Her sister died last year & her grandmother the year before. My cousins won't/can't come to help out although they do come visit from Tennessee. I have no children of my own & I would like to think that If I did they would do the same for me.
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Old 12-24-2015, 01:06 PM
 
Location: 2016 Clown Car...fka: Wisconsin
738 posts, read 810,107 times
Reputation: 1197
As the primary caregiver for my spouse before death, I made a choice to ask my MIL to move in with me afterward, since she was getting on in years. Her biggest fear was being "put" into a nursing home because she couldn't care for herself or running out of money.

Although she is still 90% self-sufficient, I help her out by shopping, planning the meals and cooking. She can't drive very far anymore, so I take her to her appointments and to visit other family members. We split the rent and utilities which helps her money stretch further. She helps me out by insisting on doing the dishes, playing cards with me and providing me with heartfelt wisdom gained in her 88 years.

When the time comes that she will need more from me, I will give it...unflinchingly. I value this wonderful woman and wouldn't want her to worry about the uncertainty of her future. I can only hope that someone will do the same for me.

RVcook
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Old 12-24-2015, 01:30 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,601,942 times
Reputation: 33956
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Paolella View Post
The close physical care of a dying parent is one that is better carried out by the female sex. You can't argue with me. That is how it naturally happens in most families. It is not debated, it just happens that way naturally. And always has. And always will. Guys should help as much as possible, but the close physical stuff always has been, is now, and always will be, the primary duty of the women in the family.

Even today's militant masculine feminazis will end up doing this when mom and dad are about to die. That's just the way it works.
Really? And what happens when there are no daughters?

Ridiculous comment, BTW Marc your CD name is your real name and you're a realtor in NJ?

Not too smart on your part. You will lose business when perspective clients Google your name and your CD comments come up.

If you have decent parents ALL SIBLINGS should help out in some way.
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