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Old 01-11-2016, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,179 posts, read 35,709,054 times
Reputation: 62422

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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post

That may be true in some cases but there have posts on here by do nothing siblings who resent their brother/sister aren't paying rent while caregiving.
I'm looking back on my life experiences as a bank manager. I saw people abusing the finances of the elderly often, under the guise of "moving in to help them." Next thing I knew, you'd see pedicures, movies, hair appointments, restaurants, even vacations being debited from the elderly persons' account by the person who had ostensibly moved in to "help" them. I was the one who sat across from distraught siblings who were worried about their elderly mother or father being taken advantage of by a sibling. One time, no lie, I was sitting at the computer and literally watching transactions taking place on the screen - Amazon purchases, and then a pedicure - all done by a sibling who had moved in "to help Mom." All this out of Mom's bank account.

Recently, when my dad was in the hospital, I met a woman whose dad was also in the hospital. Yes, she was up there taking care of him - ie, visiting him. But she was also talking about a lot of other stuff out there in that waiting room - stuff that shocked me. She told me that she had recently moved in with her dad, and that she was taking care of him, and that he had dementia, but that wasn't stopping her from getting his beneficiaries all changed (leaving everyone off but her), getting the house put in her name, using his bank account - she justified all this by saying "I'm the one taking care of him!" She went on to tell me that all her siblings were mad at her and she just didn't care - she was going to do it anyway.

I don't know the whole back story to that, but she made my skin crawl. She reeked of cigarette smoke, looked disheveled and dirty, and for the life of me I couldn't imagine life under her "care."

This is the sort of scenario I was talking about, not cases where someone is actually taking care of an elderly person and simply not paying rent in exchange for actual caregiving.
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Old 01-11-2016, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,179 posts, read 35,709,054 times
Reputation: 62422
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1 View Post
Honestly, my Mom used to say that about her sister and my Aunt. I'm with you - I don't think my Aunt got the best end of that deal. She worked all day - then came home and took care of my grandmother - who, by that time, was senile and needed plenty of help. Week-ends she went nowhere but took care of her Mom.


IMO - My mother and her OTHER sister should have been on their knees thanking the sister that moved in with their Mom. She basically had no other life.


"Rent free' is pretty much the LEAST they could do.
I'm not talking about that sort of person though. I'm talking about REAL moochers, who move in and use the excuse of "I'm taking care of her," when what they're really doing is spending her money. It happens all the time.
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Old 01-11-2016, 09:03 AM
 
3,758 posts, read 10,575,211 times
Reputation: 6684
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I'm looking back on my life experiences as a bank manager. I saw people abusing the finances of the elderly often, under the guise of "moving in to help them." Next thing I knew, you'd see pedicures, movies, hair appointments, restaurants, even vacations being debited from the elderly persons' account by the person who had ostensibly moved in to "help" them. I was the one who sat across from distraught siblings who were worried about their elderly mother or father being taken advantage of by a sibling. One time, no lie, I was sitting at the computer and literally watching transactions taking place on the screen - Amazon purchases, and then a pedicure - all done by a sibling who had moved in "to help Mom." All this out of Mom's bank account.

Recently, when my dad was in the hospital, I met a woman whose dad was also in the hospital. Yes, she was up there taking care of him - ie, visiting him. But she was also talking about a lot of other stuff out there in that waiting room - stuff that shocked me. She told me that she had recently moved in with her dad, and that she was taking care of him, and that he had dementia, but that wasn't stopping her from getting his beneficiaries all changed (leaving everyone off but her), getting the house put in her name, using his bank account - she justified all this by saying "I'm the one taking care of him!" She went on to tell me that all her siblings were mad at her and she just didn't care - she was going to do it anyway.

I don't know the whole back story to that, but she made my skin crawl. She reeked of cigarette smoke, looked disheveled and dirty, and for the life of me I couldn't imagine life under her "care."

This is the sort of scenario I was talking about, not cases where someone is actually taking care of an elderly person and simply not paying rent in exchange for actual caregiving.
Unfortunately - "caregivers" are just a subset of the human population, and like the population at large - there are some less than savory characters.

Of course in situations like that, the siblings could get involved to sue their sibling for breach of fiduciary responsibility... but that also is tough.
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Old 01-11-2016, 09:27 AM
 
39,080 posts, read 20,168,517 times
Reputation: 12636
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post


I don't know the whole back story to that, but she made my skin crawl. She reeked of cigarette smoke, looked disheveled and dirty, and for the life of me I couldn't imagine life under her "care."

This is the sort of scenario I was talking about, not cases where someone is actually taking care of an elderly person and simply not paying rent in exchange for actual caregiving.
I keep my mom's finances on quicken with a organized filing system. When I had to take over I found that her bills were always paid on time but her paperwork and important documents (lack of a filing system) was a mess. Now my mother, a brother, the government, a lawyer could ask me questions and ask for proof that all her money goes to her care and I could produce it. I like it that way.

People like you describe don't know how to handle money so when it becomes available they use it foolishly and selfishly. When I worked in the long term unit I remember when one of our patients passed. The kids who rarely came in, did come in before he was taken. They were stressed that his check would stop coming.
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Old 01-11-2016, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,179 posts, read 35,709,054 times
Reputation: 62422
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I keep my mom's finances on quicken with a organized filing system. When I had to take over I found that her bills were always paid on time but her paperwork and important documents (lack of a filing system) was a mess. Now my mother, a brother, the government, a lawyer could ask me questions and ask for proof that all her money goes to her care and I could produce it. I like it that way.

People like you describe don't know how to handle money so when it becomes available they use it foolishly and selfishly. When I worked in the long term unit I remember when one of our patients passed. The kids who rarely came in, did come in before he was taken. They were stressed that his check would stop coming.
That doesn't surprise me a bit.

When my husband and I became the guardians of my MIL, we were immediately accused of trying to take advantage of my MIL's finances. Nothing could have been further from the truth - as legal guardians every single penny has to be accounted for via the court.

But these same family members making these accusations actually did try to take advantage of my inlaws financially, to the point where we eventually had to file an injunction and put a freeze on ALL the accounts except for very specific bills paid by us.
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Old 01-11-2016, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,674,210 times
Reputation: 20535
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I'm looking back on my life experiences as a bank manager. I saw people abusing the finances of the elderly often, under the guise of "moving in to help them." Next thing I knew, you'd see pedicures, movies, hair appointments, restaurants, even vacations being debited from the elderly persons' account by the person who had ostensibly moved in to "help" them. I was the one who sat across from distraught siblings who were worried about their elderly mother or father being taken advantage of by a sibling. One time, no lie, I was sitting at the computer and literally watching transactions taking place on the screen - Amazon purchases, and then a pedicure - all done by a sibling who had moved in "to help Mom." All this out of Mom's bank account.

Recently, when my dad was in the hospital, I met a woman whose dad was also in the hospital. Yes, she was up there taking care of him - ie, visiting him. But she was also talking about a lot of other stuff out there in that waiting room - stuff that shocked me. She told me that she had recently moved in with her dad, and that she was taking care of him, and that he had dementia, but that wasn't stopping her from getting his beneficiaries all changed (leaving everyone off but her), getting the house put in her name, using his bank account - she justified all this by saying "I'm the one taking care of him!" She went on to tell me that all her siblings were mad at her and she just didn't care - she was going to do it anyway.

I don't know the whole back story to that, but she made my skin crawl. She reeked of cigarette smoke, looked disheveled and dirty, and for the life of me I couldn't imagine life under her "care."

This is the sort of scenario I was talking about, not cases where someone is actually taking care of an elderly person and simply not paying rent in exchange for actual caregiving.
Sadly, this happens all too often. Sometimes they don't even move in! They just call and whine and cry that they're broke....meanwhile they live in houses they never could afford, drive cars they never could afford, spend money like it's water, etc. Yup. I have some of those peachy people in one side of my family. If that grandmother dies with 10 cents to her name, I'll be amazed. Those people go through her month like it's water and she gives it to them because of their sob story. They have her figured out unfortunately.
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Old 01-12-2016, 04:34 PM
 
901 posts, read 641,128 times
Reputation: 903
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I'm not talking about that sort of person though. I'm talking about REAL moochers, who move in and use the excuse of "I'm taking care of her," when what they're really doing is spending her money. It happens all the time.
A "mooch" is a mooch, and they don't always live with the person. But they all seem to have a sense of entitlement.
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Old 01-13-2016, 10:36 AM
 
25,731 posts, read 32,704,092 times
Reputation: 31545
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I worked in a major hospital in a professional position and I won't get one.

but good for you.
Yup. I only wish I had started here long before I did!
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Old 01-13-2016, 10:43 AM
 
25,731 posts, read 32,704,092 times
Reputation: 31545
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
A pension isn't the end all be all anyway. For instance - you may be able to get a pension if you're a teacher. But you have to be a teacher for decades. So...no thanks.
You know, there are a lot of jobs with school districts that do not have a thing to do with teaching.
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Old 01-13-2016, 11:29 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,649 posts, read 6,933,701 times
Reputation: 13921
Quote:
Originally Posted by petch751 View Post
I worked in a major hospital in a professional position and I won't get one.

but good for you.

Well, I guess you could have chosen to work for a state agency as a medical professional, make about 1/3 less in salary than you would in a private sector job, but have a modest pension to look forward to if you spend many years at the government job. It's a tradeoff.
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