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I think Dr. Emanuel has it right. Do the best you can until you hit seventy-five and then whatever happens...happens. Refuse routine testing, flu shots, pneumonia shot, annual exams etc. and the odds are decent you will not live to be old AND disabled. Works for me.
Meh..
Most of my dad's family lived independently into their 90s. Many until nearly 100. My 92 year old 2nd cousin suprised me when I was back in dad's home town this summer.. casually driving down the street I was on (at the shack we have there) and then stopping to talk. Said she still mows the lawn (she has an acre+ - not sure if she ever got a riding mower, she always had a manual when I was young) and is keeping up the farmhouse herself (her husband died about 20 years ago). She drove off to do her errands, and I mine, and later I was at the larger nearby grocery store - and there she was - doing her shopping.
No wheelchair, no walker, not even a cane.
So, like many other things - it's all genetics. You can have a perfectly meaningful life well into your 90s... while others, die relatively young of some semi-horrible things.
My dad is the same way. He suffered a stroke a little over 5 years ago and bounced back from it very well; to the point that he was able to live in an assisted living facility for those five years; walking with a cane, doing his own laundry, using a walker when needed, paying all of his own bills, etc. He suffered a bad seizure about a year ago and ended up in the hospital for about a week; and after that, rehabilitative care. He did well there also and wanted to go back to his apartment in the worse way.
He seemed well enough, but I insisted that he at least get someone to come in and give him his medications since he was almost always forgetting to take them. I set him up with a call button that he was supposed to use when he needed to use the bathroom, and spent several night sleeping on his couch in order to keep an eye on him.
Of course he was getting out of bed often and using his transport chair to get to the bathroom. I was soo afraid of him falling. In addition, the night staff at the assisted living facility he was at was just horrible and when he'd use his call button for help, when they finally showed up, they just stood there while he pretty much did things himself anyway.
I'd expressed to staff that I didn't want him to use his wheeled walker by any means when going to the bathroom; and ONLY to use his transport chair. One morning I came in and the staff member that helped him to the bathroom used it anyway. Since his seizure, he was a little weak on his left side and more than tippy when he went to use the bathroom while using his walker. I was livid when I walked into the room and saw this!! All orders specifically said that he was NOT to use his wheeled walker AT ALL and this is what I walked into.
I chewed the staff member a new one and her reply was, "Oh..I didn't know." What made me even angrier was when I found the gait belt that they were supposed to use at ALL times when helping him to the bathroom; laying on the floor. I had wrapped it over the top of his wheeled walker and she carelessly threw it on the floor!!!
After that, there weren't many nights that I didn't spend sleeping on his couch not only to keep an eye on my dad; but to also keep an eye on staff!!
Staff was also supposed to be called if he was going to take a shower, just to keep an eye on him, but he didn't like that idea, so I asked if he could please just call me, and leave the phone in the bathroom off the hook so I could hear if he fell or something. One morning I couldn't reach him and became very concerned so I drove the short way across town to check on him. I found him in his transport chair, sitting in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving. He'd showered all by himself and said he was just fine doing it.
I can't tell you how frustrated I was!! I told him that he could fall at any time and that it just make me worry. I don't know how many times we went around and around on subjects like this and we just would end up in an arguement.
I kept telling him that if he didn't listen to me, that one day he could have a really bad fall that would end him up in nursing care and of course he didn't want that. My reply was that one day I might not have the choice to make whether he came back to his apartment or not; and his health care providers would be making the choice FOR him.
Well one day he was using his wheeled walker to use the bathroom and DID fall. I wasn't there at the time and he got up on his own. When going into the bathroom, I noticed that the top of the toilet was knocked askew and noticed this big bruise on his ear. He finally told me that he'd fallen, but that he was fine. It would go away.
Well he was fine for about two weeks after that. He even had a doctor's appt and his MD told him that he was lucky he hadn't hurt himself worse; when actually, it was obvious my dad had hit his head. Why his MD didn't send him for a CT scan just to be safe, I don't know; but shortly after that my dad was having these long laugh attacks when something was funny..to the point that I'd have to say, "Dad..that's enough..". I was starting to wonder if something was more wrong, but my dad has always been a laugher, so I just figured he was back to enjoying life now that he was in his own apartment again.
I took him out to eat one night and noticed that he was having problems with the food on his plate. It was like he didn't know where the edge of his plate started/stopped and there was food all over the table. That's when I really started to become concerned.
The following Sunday one of the nurses from his assisted living place called me and told me that while taking him to the bathroom, he said that he'd forgotten how to use his legs. I took him into the ER and they found that he had a subdural hematoma that needed immediate attention, so they took him by ambulance to a hospital that deals with these sorts of things. 11 pm that night, he underwent a brain procedure where they drilled two holes in his skull that would drain the blood from his brain. As risky as it was, he came through it with flying colors.
Of course there were certain things they had to watch for regarding his speech, swallowing, weakness on his left side, etc., but after a week or two in the hospital, we decided it was time to move him to a continued care facility where he's beens since.
He was unable to use his feet well for a bit and they had to use a Hoyer lift to transport him from one place to another; physical therapy (which he hated!!); speech therapy (which he hated even more!!), etc. A few months later he was back to being himself and self transporting in and out of bed, even though he was told not to.
He's a survivor though and pretty much surprised the heck out of staff at his recovery!! He enjoyed going down for meals and really enjoyed interacting with staff as he would sing to them, etc.
He's been doing very well for the past year, but now he just seems depressed. His vitals are always great and he has come off much of his medication. However, now all he wants to do is sleep and keeps telling me that he's ready to move on to the next stage; and that God can take him anytime.
He's talked about this often from time to time throughout the year and I've told him how selfish he's being. That God got him through all these major health issues and certainly isn't finished with him yet. If he was, he'd have taken him.
I realize how difficult life is for my dad now as he was always active. Whether he was working on the cars or fixing something around the house..he never sat around. It's tough when you can't do the things you enjoy, yet I keep telling him that there are plenty of things that the facility offers if he'd just go and do them. He has no interest.
Lately all he wants to do is sleep. No interest in watching tv or anything. His legs have weakened a bit and I told him that if he took physical therapy, his legs would get stronger, but he wants none of it. His idea about physical therapy is that it's just dumb!! Pushing a weight machine back and forth with his arms and feet...STUPID!!
He's a man with such a great sense of humor and his antics about things always makes staff laugh. He's one of their favorites!!
Aside from having a pacemaker that keeps his heart from going into the past arythymias that he had, all his tests come back clear, so there's really nothing wrong with him other that just giving up.
I've told him that I can't continue to take him out to eat if he's not going to make an effort to get his legs stronger; as he used to be able to get in and out of my car great; yet now it takes him more and more effort. This is all due to him sitting in his recliner all day and refusing any type of physical therapy.
I've even made the effort to get him into his transport chair and walk him up and down the halls with him using his feel; as he has always been very good at that. It's helped some, but he keeps telling me that he's 87 years old and an old man. I've told him that if he doesn't work on his legs, he'll be back using the Hoyer Lift and we both don't want that.
He gets the strength he wants when he feels like it. The nurses there all know he can do it, but he has to have the want to. Some days he messes with them and tells them that he just can't, they leave the room for a bit while still watching; and they see him getting in his chair; and out of it too when they can't get to him in time. His upper body strength is tremendous.
They used to have him sitting at a table in the dining room with a man that could communicate and Dad and him used to talk back and forth all the time. Now they have him sitting with a bunch of men that sleep in their wheelchairs all the time, so Dad follows suit.
I came in yesterday and he was sitting in his wheelchair sleeping. I asked him why and he told me that the rest of the group was sleeping, so he may as well too. Ugh!!
He eats all of his food and has a great appetite, so there's nothing really wrong with him aside from him sleeping too much, etc.
I know that's what most people do once they hit that side of life where they're in nursing care and there's not much to do..except sleep. He hates watching tv, etc.
The last time I was there, he brought it up again, "I'm an old man and would really like to go be with your mom". I understand that but I can't play God and neither can he. I told him that we've all been very blessed with his basiclly good health at his age and he need to wait for God to take him. No amount of depression is going to fix that.
It's so hard when we have to listen to things like this from our aging parents. Since I'm the only one that lives in town, I'm his main caretaker (aside from the nurses and staff at the nursing facility where he's at). I don't know how many times I've gone to the bathroom and cried. Tough when our parent's age and that everytime the phone rings; when we see that certain number from the nursing facility; our hearts are in our throats.
I think Dr. Emanuel has it right. Do the best you can until you hit seventy-five and then whatever happens...happens. Refuse routine testing, flu shots, pneumonia shot, annual exams etc. and the odds are decent you will not live to be old AND disabled. Works for me.
I agree.
Just got back from checking on my mom. She fell, cut her head, but otherwise doctor says she is okay.
But had stomach issues and thank goodness things like that do not bother me, since I had to change her.
Then my roommate has cancer and watching all his pain issues and other things is stressful. It is prostate, so the an "easy" cancer - if there is such a thing.
No way, would I want anyone to have to take care of me.
Most of my dad's family lived independently into their 90s. Many until nearly 100. My 92 year old 2nd cousin suprised me when I was back in dad's home town this summer.. casually driving down the street I was on (at the shack we have there) and then stopping to talk. Said she still mows the lawn (she has an acre+ - not sure if she ever got a riding mower, she always had a manual when I was young) and is keeping up the farmhouse herself (her husband died about 20 years ago). She drove off to do her errands, and I mine, and later I was at the larger nearby grocery store - and there she was - doing her shopping.
No wheelchair, no walker, not even a cane.
So, like many other things - it's all genetics. You can have a perfectly meaningful life well into your 90s... while others, die relatively young of some semi-horrible things.
In some respects, its luck of the genetic draw.
Right, but usually you will know in advance whether that's going to be you or not...I'm 53 and my family history is osteoporosis and arthritis, and when I get out of bed in the morning I feel like a 90 year old, with pain in my hip and back. I know I will not be one of those 90 year olds with the flexibility of a 30 year old, I am going to be crippled and in pain.
Just was commenting on whatever this "after 75 give up" theory is that the poster I qouted was referring to.
If that's someone's individual preference - go for it. But, many people do have meaningful (even happy) lives for a decade (or two!) beyond that. So I don't think that advice is necessarily helpful for the entire population.
This way or no way
You know I'll be free
Just like that blue bird
Now ain't that just like me,
Oh ... I'll be free
Just like that bluebird
Oh .... I'll be free
Ain't that just like me ....
BTW this vid is now over 24 Million views. I am hopeful it will help to spark many productive conversations about end of life issues and will, in general, help us Americans, who tend to be in denial about death, to help face things a bit better.
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