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Let's say a married couple were living together in assisted living/nursing home. If one of them dies and the family intends to take in the surviving spouse, how long should the family wait before removing the spouse from the nursing home?
It seems like they need time to grieve while still in the assisted living facility/nursing home. Wouldn't you want to wait a couple weeks before moving them? I would at least think it would be best to wait a few days until after the funeral service when things have calmed down more.
Does the surviving spouse have friends in the facility? Does the person want to leave, or are they just acquiescing to the family invitation when they are fatigued with grief?
Yeah, I would ease off and wait a few weeks and see what the surviving spouse brings up, and not bombard the person with too many suggestions right away.
Does the surviving spouse have a lot of friends there? Will they be moving so far away that they will never see theses friends again? If, that is the case it will be a double or triple whammy, losing your spouse plus all your friends plus your home all at once.
After my mother died, we realized that it was the first time in decades that our father had been alone in the house, without his wife. In retrospect, one of his children should have stayed with him at least at night for the first few weeks until he got over his intense grief. He had friends & neighbors during the day but no one at night.
When my aunt died, my uncle told his son & other relatives that he was going to stay with his out of town daughter for a while and did not want to be disturbed. But, he told his daughter that he was going to stay with his out of town son for a while and did not want to be disturbed.
Somehow, they never compared notes and he was alone in his house, in the dark with the shades pulled, for four or five days before anyone realized it. He just spent the time crying and grieving and hoping that he would die, too. Apparently, he did not eat or drink or take care of himself during that time and ended up quite ill. Everyone felt absolutely horrible that they had not double-checked that he was OK.
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What does the spouse want to do? Maybe they want to live in the assisted living facility until they die? Maybe they would rather be boiled in hot oil than live with that child? Maybe they want to move to a different assisted living facility? Maybe they have been dreaming about moving to Florida but needed to wait until their spouse died because they refused to move to Florida? Maybe they want to move in with a different friend or relative.
Ask them what THEY want to do?
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-08-2016 at 03:33 PM..
The only person that can answer this is the spouse. Everyone mourns differently.
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