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Old 02-03-2016, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,952,173 times
Reputation: 17366

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I and my BIL are agonizing over what to do about hubby. He is seriously declining and I would not be surprised to get up one morning and find him dead in his chair.

  • 3X cancer survivor of sino-nasal cancer
  • Currently cancer-free
  • Decimated by 11 years of treatment both chemo and radiation
  • Completely deaf due to chemo
  • Radiation burns in his throat and one remaining sinus
  • Bleeds excessively from mouth and nose due to crusting from the burns
  • On a G-tube as he cannot eat by mouth
  • Has decided he will not get up to pee, uses a urinal in the living room
  • Will still use his walker if he has to poop, but I don't see that lasting much longer
  • Has cognitive disabilities possibly due to brain damage from radiation
  • I have to communicate with him by writing notes. If he does not like what I say he just hands me the notepad with no comment. Such as "you need to be hospitalized as you are not capable or willing to care for your most basic needs"
  • Will not bathe. The last time he showered (with shower chair) was July 2015. He says he does not want to be cold. He is covered in blood and crust all over his face and I don't even want to think about elsewhere. His very long nails have blood and crud under them
  • He smells so bad that I have to keep a fan blowing on me as long as I am in the same room with him
BIL and I discussed a nursing home/rehab facility where he could learn to start walking again and get some skilled nursing care. The problem there is he would need to be hospitalized for three days and then have a doctor write the order before insurance/medicare would pay for it. I don't think he would be able to make it down the stairs to drive to the hospital so it would have to be 911 or some kind of medical transport. I need him to be admitted to the hospital, but his last exams showed him to be cancer free and the labs were okay.



Does anyone have experience with a case like this?

 
Old 02-03-2016, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
1,827 posts, read 2,617,232 times
Reputation: 2887
You don't mention his age but I would contact an elder care facility, social worker, nursing home and explain the situation and they will help you. When I dealt with my elderly mom there were resources to guide me.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,952,173 times
Reputation: 17366
He is only 56.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 06:55 PM
 
2,633 posts, read 3,375,197 times
Reputation: 6970
Sounds like he is depressed. The poor man.

Call his doctor and ask what you should do. Probably ambulance to the hospital. Start treating his depression, blood tests to see if something else is going on, and a palliative care consult.

Call his doctor in the morning. Do not leave him suffering like this for one more day.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,952,173 times
Reputation: 17366
He has been on depressions meds for 6 months.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
5,188 posts, read 13,357,860 times
Reputation: 7364
You need to get his doctor involved right away. He needs help desperately...and so do you, it sounds! Get a professional involved...this isn't healthy for either of you!
 
Old 02-03-2016, 07:22 PM
 
17,002 posts, read 20,679,321 times
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Maggie, I am sorry to hear your situation is so severe.

Not trying to alarm you, but you have to wonder what would happen if medical professionals have to come into your home(911) and see him looking like that? In a room upstairs that stinks to high heaven. Would it viewed as neglect? Would you be facing charges?

I know you're planning a much needed vacation soon, but what you described sounds horrific.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,952,173 times
Reputation: 17366
It is horrific. He refuses anything I try to do to help him other than food, water, and emptying his urinal. I just sent a message to our PCP asking what to do. I know I can't get him out of the house any other way than calling 911.
 
Old 02-03-2016, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Aliso Viejo, Orange County, CA
4,971 posts, read 6,372,242 times
Reputation: 4090
Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie2101 View Post
He has been on depressions meds for 6 months.
Yes, but when was he last seen face-to-face by his psychiatrist? When did he last see any physician?

Last edited by pacific2; 02-03-2016 at 08:47 PM..
 
Old 02-03-2016, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,039 posts, read 17,354,477 times
Reputation: 41387
Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie2101 View Post
It is horrific. He refuses anything I try to do to help him other than food, water, and emptying his urinal. I just sent a message to our PCP asking what to do. I know I can't get him out of the house any other way than calling 911.

I am sorry that this is happening.

What is the worse that would happen if you called 911? The worse would be that they would transport him to the hospital and not admit him. But, is that likely? I bet that they would admit him once they saw his weakened condition and that he is not able to keep up his functional daily living skills (keeping clean, etc.)

If he is bleeding from the mouth and nose I would suspect that is something that his doctor would want to evaluate. When was the last time that he saw his doctor and had a complete blood work-up and evaluation?

Last edited by germaine2626; 02-03-2016 at 09:02 PM..
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