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Old 02-16-2016, 01:02 PM
 
10,581 posts, read 11,994,134 times
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OP, you say you're going to step back.
You say you're going to change YOUR actions.

We'll see what happens.
Good Luck. Please keep us posted.
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Old 02-16-2016, 01:34 PM
 
576 posts, read 989,231 times
Reputation: 549
In talking with mil this morning, just a phone call to ck in with her. She indicates that she can no longer, easily, get up from the commode in her bathroom. She has a grab bar, we installed, several years back. But I guess, it's no longer sufficient, to help her to get up. One can't be installed on the other side of the commode, because the other side, has shower stall doors, .. plastic frosted glass doors.

So, guess where I was this morning?

I went to the Durable Medical Goods store, and purchased another (we already bought one years back, for the hall bath), the stand that can be installed and has grab bars, either side of the toilet, has to be installed onto the toilet.

So this is me, "trying" to back up.

SIGH

She also tells me, "in confidence" that she wasn't going to say anything, but that she fell the other day, and into the little small piece of furniture that sits in her dressing room, .. fell into it, as she fell down, and knocked the pitcher off it (decorative pitcher) and it broke, and that her tail bone seems very very sore.

SIGH

As another poster indicated here in all of these posts. It seems so imminent, just a matter of time, before there is a bad fall.

This is all me, trying to back up.

So I have the apparatus for the toilet, and will have her son (my husband) go install it this afternoon when he gets off work.

Again, this is me "backing up".

HA!
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Old 02-16-2016, 01:49 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,509,642 times
Reputation: 36262
Quote:
Originally Posted by nnyl View Post
In talking with mil this morning, just a phone call to ck in with her. She indicates that she can no longer, easily, get up from the commode in her bathroom. She has a grab bar, we installed, several years back. But I guess, it's no longer sufficient, to help her to get up. One can't be installed on the other side of the commode, because the other side, has shower stall doors, .. plastic frosted glass doors.

So, guess where I was this morning?

I went to the Durable Medical Goods store, and purchased another (we already bought one years back, for the hall bath), the stand that can be installed and has grab bars, either side of the toilet, has to be installed onto the toilet.

So this is me, "trying" to back up.

SIGH

She also tells me, "in confidence" that she wasn't going to say anything, but that she fell the other day, and into the little small piece of furniture that sits in her dressing room, .. fell into it, as she fell down, and knocked the pitcher off it (decorative pitcher) and it broke, and that her tail bone seems very very sore.

SIGH

As another poster indicated here in all of these posts. It seems so imminent, just a matter of time, before there is a bad fall.

This is all me, trying to back up.

So I have the apparatus for the toilet, and will have her son (my husband) go install it this afternoon when he gets off work.

Again, this is me "backing up".

HA!

Sounds like one step forward(getting the cream online) and two steps back.

Sounds like it is time you have a family meeting and include you MIL and look at options.

Would the SIL be willing and finically able to pay for someone to come in a few times a week? Since she lives so far away, to give you a break?

Or look at selling the house and the MIL going into assisted living? I know that is not an easy talk, but things can't continue as they are.
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Old 02-16-2016, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,242 posts, read 12,813,333 times
Reputation: 54012
Quote:
Originally Posted by nnyl View Post
She also tells me, "in confidence" that she wasn't going to say anything, but that she fell the other day, and into the little small piece of furniture that sits in her dressing room, .. fell into it, as she fell down, and knocked the pitcher off it (decorative pitcher) and it broke, and that her tail bone seems very very sore.
Not to burden you further but her coccyx injury should be looked at to determine if it's only a bruise or something more serious.
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Old 02-16-2016, 05:15 PM
 
10,103 posts, read 19,302,376 times
Reputation: 17432
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Not to burden you further but her coccyx injury should be looked at to determine if it's only a bruise or something more serious.


Here's how it would go--


On phone at least half a day--if lucky--to get an appointment, probably first with PCP


First apt available is in 2 weeks, told if can't wait, go to ER


Go to PCP, sit there at least 1.5--2 hours in waiting room. Then, to exam room where you get the latest style in paperware to wear


In comes little "play nurse" who keeps acting bewildered (because she probably is)


About 30--45 min later, in comes PCP who is either openly hostile or overly "nice" either way, you can see he hasn't a clue why you're really there---nor why he is


PCP leaves, another half hour of wearing paper, then, they send you for an x-ray, which is usually in another building. Get dressed, leave, drive over to x-ray, repeat about procedure, including paperware


Or, may have to make apt for another day if already late in the day


Schedule apt for pcp to review x-rays


Go to PCP, sit there again, repeat of 1st time


PCP finally wanders in, wonders WTH you are there, then, says x-rays haven't been sent


wait while x-rays are sent over




finally get dx---slight tailbone fracture, just avoid sitting too much, take Motrin, apply heat/ice


come back in 6 months




This is exactly what I went through when I had a similar injury several years ago. I doubt things have improved much.




You could save much time, money, and frustration by just keeping Motrin on hand......I've learned if I don't need an ambulance to get there, I don't need to be there to begin with
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Old 02-16-2016, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,242 posts, read 12,813,333 times
Reputation: 54012
Or you could be like my friend who fractured his coccyx so severely he was on crutches for 18 months and became addicted to painkillers...
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Old 02-16-2016, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,959,102 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Or you could be like my friend who fractured his coccyx so severely he was on crutches for 18 months and became addicted to painkillers...

Yikes!!!
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Old 02-16-2016, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,870 posts, read 7,815,421 times
Reputation: 18193
Quote:
Originally Posted by nnyl View Post
Thus the reason I say, should my approach be, 'just back off, .. and do what I'm willing to do, whatever that is, .. prepare meals and maybe go out there one day a week, .. and the other daughters, they seem to go one day a week also, but needs outside of that, they just go unanswered, *unless it's an emergency of course*?

Do I need to just back out of it?

I did tell her son, (my husband) of todays' dilemma which seems to reoccur frequently, and his only response was, "why did she do that?" (speaking of his mother). I answered that with, "that's what I keep telling you, she needs more help than we can give her consistently". His response beyond that was, "well do I need to go run out there and get her to the store?". Of course, daughter was already on that mission, at the very moment he said that.

This goes on weekly. Last week, the other daughter out there to clean house. She was back home (I care for her toddler when she goes out there). She was there for 4 + hours (because part of that is spent "visiting" her lonely grandmother and having a sandwich with her, to give her some company. She'd long since come home, when I got a text from the sil 1K miles away. Would you ask _______________(my husband) if he goes back out there to work on her fence/gate, that she has a load of towels in the dryer that need to be folded, she forgot to tell _____________(my daughter) when she was out there today. And when _______________(my other daughter) goes tomorrow, can you have her Swifter the kitchen floor _____________1st daughter that was there cleaning, had run out of time and so didn't get to that.

So when the daughter went out there to go to the grocery, she did go ahead and fold the towels that hadn't been folded, .. and Swiftered the floor, and took mil to the grocery. And then mil wanted to have a sandwich and sit and visit. All of this, took more time than daughter really wanted to devote to it.

Point is, this goes on weekly, ....
OMG YES, you need to draw some boundaries and teach your daughters how to do so. If daughter had time for the shower and nothing else, she should have said so. You should NEVER have run right out the the pet supply store and gone to that effort to express deliver those meds. You are a doormat. The dog couldn't wait a day for the meds?

And, seriously, SIL calls from 1K miles away to tell you that there are TOWELS THAT NEED FOLDING? Give me a break! Do you even hear yourself?

Make a plan that works for YOU. What time and care can you reasonably contribute? What schedule will work for you? No running over after a phone call re: Swiffering emergency. 24 hours advance notice of an errand that needs doing (or whatever works for you) Scheduled cleaning time. Lunch with grandaughter scheduled for what day and time is good for her.

Then present your plan to your husband and SIL. Then stick with it. Tweak it in ways that make sense for you.

Stop being your MILs unpaid servant. When your husband asked "Why did she do that" the answer should have been: Because I trained her to expect it.

Nothing will change until you decide.
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Old 02-16-2016, 07:34 PM
 
576 posts, read 989,231 times
Reputation: 549
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Here's how it would go--


On phone at least half a day--if lucky--to get an appointment, probably first with PCP


First apt available is in 2 weeks, told if can't wait, go to ER


Go to PCP, sit there at least 1.5--2 hours in waiting room. Then, to exam room where you get the latest style in paperware to wear


In comes little "play nurse" who keeps acting bewildered (because she probably is)


About 30--45 min later, in comes PCP who is either openly hostile or overly "nice" either way, you can see he hasn't a clue why you're really there---nor why he is


PCP leaves, another half hour of wearing paper, then, they send you for an x-ray, which is usually in another building. Get dressed, leave, drive over to x-ray, repeat about procedure, including paperware


Or, may have to make apt for another day if already late in the day


Schedule apt for pcp to review x-rays


Go to PCP, sit there again, repeat of 1st time


PCP finally wanders in, wonders WTH you are there, then, says x-rays haven't been sent


wait while x-rays are sent over




finally get dx---slight tailbone fracture, just avoid sitting too much, take Motrin, apply heat/ice


come back in 6 months




This is exactly what I went through when I had a similar injury several years ago. I doubt things have improved much.




You could save much time, money, and frustration by just keeping Motrin on hand......I've learned if I don't need an ambulance to get there, I don't need to be there to begin with
Sounds about like how it goes, verbatim.

She can't take Ibuprofen and the like, .. she is on blood thinners, and can't have those. So she's having to do Tylenol. Doesn't seem to be helping a lot. She's just trying not to fall again, and/or aggravate it further.

Got her a heating pad set up. If it gets worse .. I guess we'll go the route listed above.
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Old 02-16-2016, 11:28 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,508,197 times
Reputation: 28452
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
LOL.....I live in CA and had to take FMLA to attend to a situation 3,000 miles away, so much for just going away for a month.

You seem think everyone that has to jump in when there is a family situation, is just sitting home eating bons bons, waiting for the phone to ring, with a suitcase already packed, and says "Jeeves, fire up the Lear Jet, we're needed".

Who doesn't have responsibilities in life? Sometimes you have to rearrange things when a family crisis comes up. That's life.

You have already shared your horrible childhood, so why you even post on a caregiving board is beyond me, No one is expecting you to help abusive parents.




I am very familiar with bipolar. Have two family members who have it. Both take medications.

Who would stay with the SIL's husband? Their adult daughter who lives where they do. The SIL can go for a month and the daughter can keep an eye on her father.
Actually, I don't think anyone has sitting around with a suitcase packed ready to go. Quite the opposite. In fact, I said the exact opposite very early on in this thread. Try to keep up instead of making up things.

You do realize there are other people in the world besides my own parents, right? I do have other family members and my husband does as well.

And who said the daughter could stay with her bi-polar dad? The OP did not.
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