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Yeah, I am sorry I want my moms suffering to end & I want her to be at peace. Silly me... I'm a selfish son.
Why did you start this thread if you are so sure of your feelings? What do you want to get out of this thread? You're not asking for advice or opinions.
I want my Mom to pass on too for her sake (advanced dementia) but I am at peace with feeling this way. I certainly don't see the point of starting a thread to say so. Why would I care what any stranger thinks? My mother's feelings, when she was still capable of expressing them, and my own feelings based on seeing her poor quality of life now, are all that matter.
You seem to be throwing down the gauntlet with your opening post stating "I'm sure I'll get a lot of flack for it here" as if hoping to attract posters who disagree so you can fight with them. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
Is she in hospice care? If not, try to get her into hospice. They can give her meds to keep her comfortable. If she is yanking out her breathing tube she probably wants to go, but asphyxiation is not a fun way to go. The meds don't hasten death, but they help the person relax enough to let go. My father had end-stage lymphoma and in his last week he was on more and more frequent doses of morphine and was able to pass quietly at home. Please call a local hospice.
I agree on getting her into Hospice even in-home Hospice. They will be able to help get palliative drugs like liquid morphine to ease/comfort her. Liquid morphine is administered orally with an eye dropper type device. Liquid morphine can be a help in keeping her peaceful.
Her time is near. May she go peacefully and pain free.
Why did you start this thread if you are so sure of your feelings? What do you want to get out of this thread? You're not asking for advice or opinions.
I want my Mom to pass on too for her sake (advanced dementia) but I am at peace with feeling this way. I certainly don't see the point of starting a thread to say so. Why would I care what any stranger thinks? My mother's feelings, when she was still capable of expressing them, and my own feelings based on seeing her poor quality of life now, are all that matter.
Because some times one feel's the need to reach out to others who have been though what you've been though. It helps, does it not? It's nice knowing that you're not alone. Just because you don't see the point doesn't mean that someone can reach out for some encouragement of sorts. My wife's parents are still living I have my grandmother last year & within 5 months my moms sister died. Most of my friend's parents are still alive as well. So having a place where people can relate helps. No?
My heart goes out to you reed067 and kudos for not being one of the selfish ones that will torture someone into living because they can't let go. I've seen my share of that craziness in the 25 years that I've been in health care. I hope that some day we as a society can come to terms with the decision to be kinder to our loved ones by giving them a shot and not prolonging the inevitable.
I hope your mother doesn't linger much longer and remember to take some time away and do something for yourself.
Completely understand, my father died at 53 of cancer and was suffering so the last few weeks I just
wanted his suffering to end...my mother was 90, had stopped eating and was in pain..I just wanted her
suffering to end too.
Don't ever feel bad in wanting your mom to pass away at the stage she's at. She is just alive, but not living. No one wants to just lay there alive with no quality of life.
I prayed for my own mom to pass away when she was near the end. She passed that night.
A side not that I hope people will consider when in the same situation:
One thing that still really bothers me... I just wish I'd stayed with her, but I had young kids at home and the doctor had said it would take a couple of days. (she had refused to go back to dialysis) My brother was in the house, but no one was holding her hand. That was in 1993 and I still feel guilty.
@gouligann: It's not unusual for people to wait until everyone leaves to go. My father had his wife and stepdaughter with him when he passed, but he always did like an audience. :-)
Those of you who are judging this person have obviously never been in his shoes. It is a terrible thing to watch someone in a terminal state. I sat in an ICU for 2 weeks after my husband, who was already battling cancer, had a stroke and seizures and we did not know if there was anyone home in there. And yes, I had to make the decision to take him off the ventilator because he had made clear, verbally AND via advance directive, that he did NOT want life-extending treatment that was futile. My husband waited till I left the room to exit his body. I also felt bad that I was not in the room with him, but I believe it was his choice. Unless you have been in this type of situation, you have NO IDEA how you will feel.
When my aunt lost her sister-in-law, who was also her best friend, I said I was sorry that someone so close to her was gone. But she replied that visiting her sister-in-law in the nursing home and watching her gradually deteriorate, physically and mentally, was such a miserable thing to endure that finally she was glad when it was over. I'd seen her too--not as often--and I totally understood.
I'm afraid that my mother died by inches too, and it was depressing. My dad didn't live so long (still into his 80s, not too bad) but he was mobile and had a functioning brain till his last day, then died in his sleep. He always did do the right thing.
I agree that you should have hospice involved now. It sounds like she is agitated, possibly uncomfortable, and there are definitely things that hospice can advise and provide for you at home to make her more comfortable.... particularly so she will sleep at night and not fall onto the floor. Morphine and ativan to start.
Why haven't you called hospice?
Did your mother have a Living Will, stating her preferences for end of life? I would think that someone who has had cancer since the age of 27 probably thought about this a lot.
It is unclear from your post, but did she want to be bedbound, intubated, unable to care for herself at home until she dies from some complication? Or did she want to pass quietly, without all of these interventions? Perhaps the breathing tube should removed and comfort measures should be the focus.
I'm sorry to hear your family is suffering through this.
Last edited by sfcambridge; 02-18-2016 at 05:00 PM..
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I'm a selfish son.
