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Old 03-06-2016, 11:23 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,416 posts, read 4,562,334 times
Reputation: 27134

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Quote:
Originally Posted by FrontierMan View Post
Sounds like a first world problem.

Here is the thing. One day you are going to be old. When that happens, maybe you will get a nasty infection and will have to resort to something like this. Then you will get kicked to the curb for being a burden.
That seems both unkind and uncalled-for.

If anything, I should think that 50 years hence the OP will remember this experience and resolve not to ruin the lives of two young adults just starting out.
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Old 03-06-2016, 11:54 PM
 
92 posts, read 61,575 times
Reputation: 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
That seems both unkind and uncalled-for.

If anything, I should think that 50 years hence the OP will remember this experience and resolve not to ruin the lives of two young adults just starting out.
This girl sounds like a self-centered whiner. Doesn't know what a real problem is yet. I stand by my statement. The old guy is probably in pain and all alone. She wants to kick him to the curb. With a little karma, someone will kick her to the curb in a time of need. Maybe when she is sick and old.
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Old 03-07-2016, 12:21 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,144 posts, read 20,325,757 times
Reputation: 26379
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrontierMan View Post
This girl sounds like a self-centered whiner. Doesn't know what a real problem is yet. I stand by my statement. The old guy is probably in pain and all alone. She wants to kick him to the curb. With a little karma, someone will kick her to the curb in a time of need. Maybe when she is sick and old.
He's not all alone, he's got several adult children who should be stepping up to care for him if he needs it. His grandson shouldn't be bearing that burden alone when he's just starting out in life.

Being a caregiver is hard enough for older, more established adults. A young newlywed couple having to do it because no one else in the family feels like it really isn't fair.

Have you been a caregiver for someone? Or is this based on your feelings if you were the person needing the care? It changes your outlook when you really have to do it.
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Old 03-07-2016, 03:38 AM
 
37,901 posts, read 14,764,101 times
Reputation: 24235
In addition to being an unfair burden on a young couple, it may not be the best living situation for the old gentleman.

He might have a happier, safer life living where there are others around during the day.

There is some reason he is no longer living independently in the trailer. That he's been in the hospital for two months is a huge red flag. That rarely happens.

I agree with the others, insist the the discharge planning involve him moving somewhere else.

Many older men find living in an Assisted Living Facility is a lot less lonely than living with relatives. Old guys to have coffee with. Women to flirt with. Puts a jump in their step.
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Old 03-07-2016, 06:59 AM
 
6,275 posts, read 3,384,877 times
Reputation: 3452
" His son had taken him in and he lived with him for 2 years until he was moved out, to our home."

How exactly did he get "moved out" to your home?

Someone had to let him in.
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Old 03-07-2016, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,884,612 times
Reputation: 7740
It's a bad situation all around. It sounds like maybe expectations weren't clearly laid out when he first moved in? Did you intend for him to stay indefinitely?
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Old 03-07-2016, 07:25 AM
 
37,901 posts, read 14,764,101 times
Reputation: 24235
Sadly, I think we are going to see more and more of these situations as elders live longer and become less capable of living independently as well as less likely to have pensions and savings to support independent living.

Couple this with the fact that the generation that used to care for the older ones, are now working longer and more likely to have both spouses working as well as more likely to have their own kids still living at home or at least relying on them for some of their financial support.

With smaller families, there are fewer children to share the burden and with the cutbacks in social service funding, the state is unlikely to fill in the gap.

Silver Tsunami coming and things are not looking good.
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Old 03-07-2016, 07:32 AM
 
37,901 posts, read 14,764,101 times
Reputation: 24235
Several of our neighbors are taking care of grandparents while raising kids.

It allows the mothers to stay home with young kids while living in their grandparents' paid-for home.

Seems to work well until the grandparents start needing significant amounts of care.
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Old 03-07-2016, 07:40 AM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,855 posts, read 6,850,679 times
Reputation: 7311
The OP needs to come in and give us more information.
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Old 03-07-2016, 08:16 AM
 
698 posts, read 763,888 times
Reputation: 455
Quote:
Originally Posted by Swoodard14 View Post
I am not sure what we should do. I am 22 and my husband is 26, we have been married for almost 2 years.
After a long hard day at work, he makes me not want to come home. I've talked to my husband and he agrees that his grandfather is putting too much stress on our marriage. We both are always in bad moods, never want to be home, and fight. (I know we only fight when he is around because he's been in the hospital with an infection for 2 months and we haven't fought once). Having him live with us is a lot of stress with us being so young, plus we just bought this house and cannot enjoy it. What do I do??
This is an odd situation and huge burden for a young married couple.

He's been in the hospital for 2 months?
Now would be the perfect time to have a family meeting on where the grandfather will go once discharged, your home should NOT be the next stop for him. The family meeting should include all of the children.

You and your DH need to be a united front and let your DH do all the talking, YOU don't want to be the bad guy here in whatever is decided.
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