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Old 03-15-2016, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,044 posts, read 8,401,067 times
Reputation: 35231

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Is there any way you could use a portable privacy screen to partially block either your doorway or hers while still allowing airflow? It might not take much of a screen for all to feel better. Something of this nature that isn't super dark or heavy or "solid" and can be easily moved around as needed:

http://www.amazon.com/Decorative-Par...reen+furniture
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Old 03-15-2016, 09:57 PM
 
Location: South-Western USA , desert
489 posts, read 369,918 times
Reputation: 634
Regarding your desire for privacy & air flow, two things come to my mind . . .

An adjustable hinge that is designed to automatically close the door at variable speeds, requiring something to hold the door open when anyone tries to open it wide & leave it that way.

A screen door with holes in it for air flow (like made for front doors),
which is painted white so that it reflects light toward the person looking at it,
thus making it hard --if not impossible-- to see into your room with it closed,
unless it is dark & she turns her light off while yours stays on.

Last edited by 2Q&Lrn&Hlp; 03-15-2016 at 10:04 PM.. Reason: to remove a large, blank gap
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Old 03-15-2016, 11:48 PM
 
Location: El paso,tx
2,000 posts, read 777,525 times
Reputation: 3160
How about hanging privacy curtains in her doorway, so "she will have some privacy yet still have air flow." Or hang some short curtains on your doorway so they come to about 2 feet above floor. Mom won't really be able to see much into your room and you will still have air flow.
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Old 03-16-2016, 03:50 AM
 
11,032 posts, read 8,450,675 times
Reputation: 27750
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
Because we live in an area that is hot and humid quite a bit, anytime the weather is nice we like to open the windows so we can enjoy fresh air.
Simple solution. Close your door.


When you decided to be a hands on caregiver, that meant being open to some changes. Well, one change is that you or your mother will have to close the door.


Open your window and get an air circulating fan if needed. Your kids are grown and can just open the door to come in.


I'm not sure this issue is big enough for all of this emotional upheaval.
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Old 03-16-2016, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Chanute, KS
302 posts, read 367,790 times
Reputation: 871
When my kids were young, we rented a home with my mom so that the kids could have a nicer place to grow up and go to better schools. I was a single mom, and it was also more practical for me financially. My mother was always in my business, watching me, judging me, never respecting my privacy. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her standing in the doorway.

As her dementia worsened, her intrusiveness did also. She would walk into my room without knocking, sit and stare at me, and would often come out of her room while my daughter and I were in the living room and just stand in the hallway and stare, stating she was "just checking." It was awful, and I was very unhappy, so I know how you feel.

It finally got to the point that I had to put her into a facility. She would continue to stalk me even from there. I got to the point that I would not answer the phone if she called, so she started using other people's phones to trick me into answering so she could yell, demand, and accuse.

I wish I had a good answer for your problem, OP, but the truth is she will probably never change her behavior. I like the idea of putting a screen in your room to block her view. I wish you the best of luck, and just know there is at least someone out there that knows what you are going through.
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Old 03-16-2016, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,359 posts, read 35,864,624 times
Reputation: 62714
I like theatergypsy's take on the issue. And no, I don't think you're overly obsessed with this problem, because it's the INTRUSIVENESS that bothers you, not her furniture placement. I also totally get the idea of wanting the door open. My husband and I are both a bit claustrophobic and we're also really into the whole fresh air circulation thing. I'd feel stifled and constrained with my bedroom door closed - and weirded out with it opened and someone looking right at me.

Honestly, I'd just tell her. I mean, come on - she's not going to commit suicide over this. If she does (which she won't) she's got issues so much bigger than the computer desk. I would just tell her gently how you're feeling about it. She needs to leave the computer desk where it is and just get over it.

She probably doesn't like sitting with her back to the door any more than you like her sitting looking straight into your room, but she needs to be flexible about this - she's living in your house.

Of course, you could also adjust your living style so that your hangout place isn't your bedroom. I like that idea as well, no matter where her desk is situated. But I still wouldn't want her sitting there for hours looking straight into my bedroom.

I feel your pain!
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Old 03-16-2016, 09:47 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 8,138,890 times
Reputation: 3143
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Simple solution. Close your door.


When you decided to be a hands on caregiver, that meant being open to some changes. Well, one change is that you or your mother will have to close the door.


Open your window and get an air circulating fan if needed. Your kids are grown and can just open the door to come in.


I'm not sure this issue is big enough for all of this emotional upheaval.
I appreciate your reply and as I said in my OP I was pretty sure that for others this was a non issue, that bieng the case, since you consider it a non issue not sure why you replied. I was very direct about why I wanted my door open and why I didn't like or want my mother staring into my room.
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Old 03-16-2016, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,894 posts, read 17,203,069 times
Reputation: 40802
Quote:
Originally Posted by BadKittehs View Post
When my kids were young, we rented a home with my mom so that the kids could have a nicer place to grow up and go to better schools. I was a single mom, and it was also more practical for me financially. My mother was always in my business, watching me, judging me, never respecting my privacy.

I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her standing in the doorway.

As her dementia worsened, her intrusiveness did also. She would walk into my room without knocking, sit and stare at me, and would often come out of her room while my daughter and I were in the living room and just stand in the hallway and stare, stating she was "just checking." It was awful, and I was very unhappy, so I know how you feel.

It finally got to the point that I had to put her into a facility. She would continue to stalk me even from there. I got to the point that I would not answer the phone if she called, so she started using other people's phones to trick me into answering so she could yell, demand, and accuse.

I wish I had a good answer for your problem, OP, but the truth is she will probably never change her behavior. I like the idea of putting a screen in your room to block her view. I wish you the best of luck, and just know there is at least someone out there that knows what you are going through.

(shudder, shudder).
Wow, having grown up with normal, boundary respecting parents it is hard to imagine a mother that feels that it is necessary to watch her adult daughter in the bathroom (apparently even before she developed dementia).
(shudder, shudder).

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-16-2016 at 10:44 AM..
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Old 03-16-2016, 10:40 AM
 
4,641 posts, read 3,967,018 times
Reputation: 9716
This sounds unpleasant.

Could you relocate your bedroom to the basement to get some privacy?

Or set up a sitting room/TV room/music listening room/hobby room in the basement as a different personal space zone?

Everyone has a different need for personal space. And you need a place to decompress.

It sounds like the personal sanctuary aspect of your bedroom has been taken, so you need find ways to regain that.

Also is there no other option for your mother, than to live with you? If you've decided this is how it is, you need use all available space in your house to best advantage.
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Old 03-16-2016, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Paradise
2,456 posts, read 1,992,722 times
Reputation: 4023
Can you rearrange the furniture in your room to gain some additional privacy? Is there another, better, room that you can move her to?
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