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Old 03-23-2016, 05:03 PM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 8,137,491 times
Reputation: 3143

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I have been so short with my mother this week or rather just really quiet. For some reason she has pushed all the right buttons this week to upset me. She just doesn't pay attention to anything and has been using her whiny, poor me voice this week. Strangely enough that whiny voice is the one thing that upsets my husband the most, he says she never used to talk like that. If I have answered a question once a day I have answered the same questions 5 times. I still grapple with the thoughts that these cogntive, reasoning and memory issues are just manipulation. She knows if she has no dementia that there is an expectatation that she get it together and start working towards independent living. She has said numerous times over the last month with tears in her eyes each time and hand over heart "I am just not ready to live on my own, I am scared." Maybe my perimenopause is causing emotional issues this week but I am just tired and this week, I can't imagine doing this for years. My brothers turn may come quicker than he knows.

On the other hand, two good doctors reports this week, clear markers on her cancer tests and the heart doctor doesn't need to see her until the end of July. We waited 2 hours at the oncologist on Monday just to be told they hadn't received her records from Texas yet, now we have to go back in 2 months. Todays cardiologist appointment went a lot faster. Tomorrow is the pulmonologist which is my least favorite of all her doctors, they are incompetent in regards to getting things done and the appointments take forever. At least tomorrow I don't have to get up at 4 am for work so I won't be dead tired. Plus I got a couple of days off next week for spring break, gonna get some yard work done and spring cleaning done. Maybe go downtown and use our coffee house gift card with my hubby, thank God for him, there is no way I could do this without him.

Only 3 more weeks for the neurologist appointment, hopefully he can shed some light on what is going on. They said we could get on a waiting list for a cancellation but I wanted to see if the CPAP would make any difference in her memory and depression issues but so far none. My husband has had sleep apnea for 12 years now and we saw almost immediate results when he began using his CPAP, I wonder sometimes if she is really using it, she locks her door at night, so I can't open it and check to make sure.

Sorry I am being such a whiny little baby but just so tired, is it my brothers turn yet????
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Old 03-23-2016, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,854 posts, read 6,847,894 times
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It's okay to whine a little bit here. Multiple doctor's appointments are exhausting, especially when you don't learn much.

Hopefully next week will be restful for you!
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
5,183 posts, read 13,296,768 times
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CPAP isn't going to help her issues...just another cost and another machine to deal with. I'd say 80% of folks with CPAPS hate them, and don't use them at all. They are intrusive and uncomfortable, unless you REALLY want to make it work...
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Old 03-23-2016, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,881 posts, read 17,190,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb at sea View Post
CPAP isn't going to help her issues...just another cost and another machine to deal with. I'd say 80% of folks with CPAPS hate them, and don't use them at all. They are intrusive and uncomfortable, unless you REALLY want to make it work...

But, there are the 20% who absolutely love them and use them each and every night, like my brother, for the last dozen years. I used my religiously for about six years, then I lost twenty pounds and did not need it any more.
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Old 03-23-2016, 08:02 PM
 
2,632 posts, read 3,355,268 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb at sea View Post
CPAP isn't going to help her issues...just another cost and another machine to deal with. I'd say 80% of folks with CPAPS hate them, and don't use them at all. They are intrusive and uncomfortable, unless you REALLY want to make it work...


I disagree. CPAP can be very helpful. It can lead to improved thinking/cognition and improved mood as the sleep improves. Both of these could help the OP's mom. CPAP, by the sounds of it, is essential for her to protect her heart and lungs as well.

Most people are not given careful directions and assistance trying different masks, humidifiers, and adjustments on CPAP settings and THAT is why most people fail. When you have a good fitting mask, with the right pressures etc... you sleep! You sleep better than you have in years! And once you do, many would never go back.

My father actually says he loves his CPAP. Can you believe it?

Most people just don't have good sleep docs and/or respiratory therapists coming to the home to do the fine adjusting. I just kept calling the therapists back to my Dad's house, and visiting his doctor regularly until the CPAP was working well. It takes time, yes...

But few things can have a more dramatic improvement on the quality life than a good night's sleep.
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Old 03-23-2016, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,300 posts, read 35,841,586 times
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I am so sorry you are feeling so frazzled and yes, it's understandable and it's OK to vent here!

I hate to add one more appointment to the mix, but can you get your mom in to see a neuropsychiatrist? They could do an indepth study of her cognitive/mental/emotional state of mind and give you a clearer idea of what your expectations should be.

I was a lot more frustrated with my mom till we got the report back and I realized that she truly cannot apply logic and reasoning. I still tend to fall back into old patterns of frustration sometimes but it really did help for me to realize that I may as well quit trying to reason with her.
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Old 03-23-2016, 09:48 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,869 posts, read 939,707 times
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My CPAP has a computer chip in it that I am supposed to bring to the doctor at my next appointment so he can read my usage. Maybe hers has one and you can have it read at the office to see if she is using it.
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Old 03-24-2016, 12:28 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,841 posts, read 25,215,602 times
Reputation: 26179
Maybe if she is not 'ready' to live on her own, she needs an ALF. Take her with you to go visit a couple. It may help her decide either this is a good option or she may decide to get better fast! Sounds to me like she may be pushing your buttons because she is bored and needs things to do. Like a social life and a chance to make friends her own age. She could actually end up much happier and healthier in an ALF.

I spent more than a decade doing elder care so I know the drill. I did it because that's what my mom wanted. When I look back with 20/20 hindsight my parents would have been much better off in an ALF where they could have been around other people and made friends. Had a social life and things to do. I was killing myself caring for them and working full time. I managed to get them to their appointments and do what had to be done. But there was no time for fun or social activities. And both my parents suffered as a result. I respected their wishes even though it was not in their best interest.
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Old 03-24-2016, 04:27 AM
 
3,737 posts, read 9,570,840 times
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Just wanted to add another comment for a housing situation that includes socialization. Being able to talk to others who are in similar shape/age/interests is as important to seniors as it is for any age.

There are apartments you can rent in senior communities and then have a service provide what your mother needs or there are assisted living communities where they start with meals and housekeeping and work up with other services. They don't have to require nursing services to enter.

So different from years ago. Make sure you check them out since the services and costs will be all over the place.
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Old 03-24-2016, 05:34 AM
 
Location: somewhere
4,264 posts, read 8,137,491 times
Reputation: 3143
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb at sea View Post
CPAP isn't going to help her issues...just another cost and another machine to deal with. I'd say 80% of folks with CPAPS hate them, and don't use them at all. They are intrusive and uncomfortable, unless you REALLY want to make it work...

We have about 12 years experience with my husband and CPAP usage and it made all the difference in his life, as a matter of fact, he can't sleep without it anymore. The difference I saw in him after he began using it was like night and day.
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