U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-23-2016, 09:06 PM
 
3,593 posts, read 10,653,505 times
Reputation: 5202

Advertisements

My husband has just this week been diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia. Its classified as mild currently but its being recommended that he not return to his former work position (he has been on short term disability during the testing). I've known for some time that something wasn't right. It culminated in his driving on the wrong side of the road and jumping curbs around Christmas. To put it mildly, he isn't accepting this diagnosis. He can't grasp the "big picture" and focuses on little discrepancies in the report.

How do you get your spouse to understand that he CAN'T go back to work or drive anymore? The doctor will not sign off on his return to work. I also fully agree with the diagnosis as I've seen the gradual changes in his behavior. There are times he doesn't recognize me as his wife and at other times has hallucinations. Any suggestions would be appreciated
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-23-2016, 09:42 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,880 posts, read 945,478 times
Reputation: 9918
Would it help if his driver's license was revoked? Or would he just keep on driving? You can contact the license bureau and talk to them about his cognitive difficulties. In some cases, they will make him come in for a driving test.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2016, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,932 posts, read 17,236,141 times
Reputation: 40926
It took my husband several years to truly understand that he had dementia (rather, a type of very slowly progressing brain damage).

Regarding driving. If he is unsafe you must firmly and emphatically tell him "No, you can not drive". Sell his car. And, do not just hide your car keys, but lock them in a safe or use a locked "trigger guard" or something like that so that he does not try drive while you are asleep or taking a shower.

Yes, it will be hard. But, not only could your husband kill himself if he drove but he could kill completely, innocent people.


Regarding working. My husband knew that he could not handle his job anymore so he was happy when he did not have to keep trying and trying and keep failing and failing.

But this was years after he had to give up his first career because he could not handle it and was forced to take a menial job.

Please find a support group. You will need it. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-23-2016, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Northeast US
88 posts, read 53,415 times
Reputation: 115
Oh boy. Tough questions.

Wishing the best for you... (how ineffectual that is)......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 06:29 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,932 posts, read 17,236,141 times
Reputation: 40926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
My husband has just this week been diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia.
...
I also fully agree with the diagnosis as I've seen the gradual changes in his behavior. There are times he doesn't recognize me as his wife and at other times has hallucinations. Any suggestions would be appreciated

I would suggest that you work carefully with his neurologist or neuro-psychiatrist or geriatric psychiatrist and his internist or family practice doctor on his medications. Once my husband got on a balanced mix of medications it greatly improved his overall functioning & happiness in daily life.

BTW, it can be extremely scary when he does not recognize you, his wife, or mistakes you for his mother (I believe that can be quite common if he reverts back and thinks that it is 20 or 30 or 40 years in the past).

I did not start in a support group until years after my husband was diagnosed and I realize now that it would have been tremendously helpful to me and to my entire family. Also, by talking to others I would have not made some mistakes that caused some major problems.

My husband seemed so "normal" at times that I allowed him to be part of our family financial decisions long after he was truly capable of doing that. It caused very, very serious repercussions, some of which will, literally effect us and me until the day I die (some decisions involved retirement and other long term planning).


Good luck and hugs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 09:05 AM
 
3,593 posts, read 10,653,505 times
Reputation: 5202
Quote:
Originally Posted by jamary1 View Post
Would it help if his driver's license was revoked? Or would he just keep on driving? You can contact the license bureau and talk to them about his cognitive difficulties. In some cases, they will make him come in for a driving test.
I think if I took any action, it would anger him further. He is not a violent man but his impulse control isn't very good. I'm hoping that its just venting when he says he will drive if he wants to. I just respond with "its understandable for you to be upset with what the doctor told you" and then I redirect him with a small task or small talk to try and get him off the topic. I can assure you, he will not drive. If it comes to that, I'll have to call law enforcement. For now, we do have two cars. The keys to "his car" are where they have always been when I'm home but my vehicle blocks his in the driveway. When I'm out, all the keys go with me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 09:15 AM
 
3,593 posts, read 10,653,505 times
Reputation: 5202
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I would suggest that you work carefully with his neurologist or neuro-psychiatrist or geriatric psychiatrist and his internist or family practice doctor on his medications. Once my husband got on a balanced mix of medications it greatly improved his overall functioning & happiness in daily life.

BTW, it can be extremely scary when he does not recognize you, his wife, or mistakes you for his mother (I believe that can be quite common if he reverts back and thinks that it is 20 or 30 or 40 years in the past).

I did not start in a support group until years after my husband was diagnosed and I realize now that it would have been tremendously helpful to me and to my entire family. Also, by talking to others I would have not made some mistakes that caused some major problems.

My husband seemed so "normal" at times that I allowed him to be part of our family financial decisions long after he was truly capable of doing that. It caused very, very serious repercussions, some of which will, literally effect us and me until the day I die (some decisions involved retirement and other long term planning).

Good luck and hugs.
Yes, he thought I was his mother 2 mornings ago. He asked "Where is Cat"? He justifies his mistakes by saying he was just still asleep. I've been in charge of the family finances for a very long time so that thankfully isn't a huge issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,932 posts, read 17,236,141 times
Reputation: 40926
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va-Cat View Post
I think if I took any action, it would anger him further. He is not a violent man but his impulse control isn't very good. I'm hoping that its just venting when he says he will drive if he wants to. I just respond with "its understandable for you to be upset with what the doctor told you" and then I redirect him with a small task or small talk to try and get him off the topic. I can assure you, he will not drive. If it comes to that, I'll have to call law enforcement. For now, we do have two cars. The keys to "his car" are where they have always been when I'm home but my vehicle blocks his in the driveway. When I'm out, all the keys go with me.
Please get some "emergency" tranquilizers for when he is agitated or out of control.


Also, I would be extra careful regarding the driving. He may truly "forget" that he is not supposed to drive and decide to take your car for a quick errand while you are in the shower or asleep. He may also "forget" that it is your car and decide to use the car that is open.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,530 posts, read 5,052,133 times
Reputation: 13942
Sell the car and use the money to pay for a companion for him. You shouldn't be doing this job 24/7 without help. You can't.

God Bless!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-24-2016, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,932 posts, read 17,236,141 times
Reputation: 40926
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Please get some "emergency" tranquilizers for when he is agitated or out of control.


Also, I would be extra careful regarding the driving. He may truly "forget" that he is not supposed to drive and decide to take your car for a quick errand while you are in the shower or asleep. He may also "forget" that it is your car and decide to use the car that is open.

More about the "emergency" tranquilizers. Sometimes my husband may not need one for an entire month and sometimes he may need one twice in one day or one a day for two days in a row. But, when he needs one he truly NEEDS IT!!!


He is already on various medications to stabilize his moods & behavior so this is for unusual situations or agitation or extra stressful situations or things like that.


I always carry the pill bottle in my purse, and anyone who is supervising him will also carry some pills (just in case). Plus, the nurse is allowed to give him one at the adult day care center (if requested by the staff).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Caregiving
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:39 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top