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To the OP: UGGG, I don't even know what to say except I wish you well and you are not alone! I love reading the various boards on this site, it is an escape for me, something I can do without leaving the house, its free, and I am not a facebook person!
However, these boards have a cross section of people as well some helpful, some inflammatory, some informative, some judgmental, some inspirational.
Your heart appears to be in the right place, and clearly you have the emotional burden of your mother's care. I share some of the same. My mother has had a lifelong undiagnosed issues with executive functioning, self care, social reasoning. Now that she is elderly, people think it is dementia. Actually her dementia is mild. I have two siblings who do not participate in her daily care. No one can truly know the inner workings of another's family....
The best thing I have done in the past few months has been to start counselling. I am learning how to look at the situation, behave, and act in a way that is more in line with taking care of myself, giving myself the support and peace in my care decisions. I want to break the cycle for my children, and it took a therapist to help me realize that the best way to do it is to learn how to take care of MYSELF(I certainly didn't learn how from MY mother). My mother is over 90, she is not going to change now no matter WHAT I say or do, but I still have time to change (although change isn't easy thats for sure!). Good luck to you and the other readers with these issues.
This ride is far more difficult that motherhood or marriage for me!!!YMMV
To the OP: UGGG, I don't even know what to say except I wish you well and you are not alone! I love reading the various boards on this site, it is an escape for me, something I can do without leaving the house, its free, and I am not a facebook person!
However, these boards have a cross section of people as well some helpful, some inflammatory, some informative, some judgmental, some inspirational.
Your heart appears to be in the right place, and clearly you have the emotional burden of your mother's care. I share some of the same. My mother has had a lifelong undiagnosed issues with executive functioning, self care, social reasoning. Now that she is elderly, people think it is dementia. Actually her dementia is mild. I have two siblings who do not participate in her daily care. No one can truly know the inner workings of another's family....
The best thing I have done in the past few months has been to start counselling. I am learning how to look at the situation, behave, and act in a way that is more in line with taking care of myself, giving myself the support and peace in my care decisions. I want to break the cycle for my children, and it took a therapist to help me realize that the best way to do it is to learn how to take care of MYSELF(I certainly didn't learn how from MY mother). My mother is over 90, she is not going to change now no matter WHAT I say or do, but I still have time to change (although change isn't easy thats for sure!). Good luck to you and the other readers with these issues. This ride is far more difficult that motherhood or marriage for me!!!YMMV
This has been my experience as well, not sure if it is because two women in the same household make for tough transitions or if it is just me. It seems like there are many others who have been able to successfully merge an adult mother/daughter relationship in the same house, I don't seem to live in that house but.....like usual life goes on.
I know my mother will never change, I also know that for a month or so she will be compliant with following through on the things that make her life better and then the compliance will fall off again. It is what it is.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
