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Coincidentally my 90 year old father was prescribed Levaquin two days ago. I remembered reading about this here and was not happy. According to (evil) sister, Dad's PCP said he has COPD exacerbated but no pneumonia (following an xray).
I sent (evil) sister an email asking her whether the doc suspected a bacterial infection and naturally, I have received no answer. IMO, even though she is an RN and had my father's medical POA changed over to her, she is an idiot. I can guarantee you she did not tell the PCP that Dad's recent hospitalization was because he had a fungal pneumonia not bacterial or viral and that he has silent aspiration.
Meanwhile, I asked the good sister to tell Dad to lay off the treadmill for a while. Unfortunately, unless this comes from his physician or maybe the evil sister, he'll continue doing what he wants. When I go to visit him, I'll remind him of the torn rotator cuff that could not be repaired - that might do the trick. I do not want to see his final days on earth in a friggin' wheel chair because he ruptured his Achilles tendon.
You're right.
For the life of me I can't figure out why this stuff is handed out like freaking candy.
One week of Cipro changed my life forever, and not in a good way.
Any updates for us Kathryn? Hope you are in fair spirits
Well, my mother is home from Behavioral Health and I saw her for the first time today. She has gained four pounds and seemed to eat fairly well at lunch. Hopefully the Seraquel has upped her appetite. It seems to be working well. She was pretty pleasant.
My brother - her perpetual favorite, darling, precious 44 year old, 6'5" and 320 pound boy who is also seriously mentally ill (but whose mental illness is under very good control due to his adherence to a good program of meds and therapy) is coming today for a visit of about two weeks. She was nearly beside herself with antsy anticipation at lunch today, bolting down her food and tapping her feet, ready to get home get home get home get home because he was going to be arriving by about 3 or 3:30 at the earliest (we left the restaurant before 12 noon).
Do I sound bitter? Well, it's a little irritating to be the one staying up at the hospital, going to doctor appts with both my parents, attorney appts, bank appts, helping them move three times in the past five years, etc. - oh, and also working full time, paying for my own education, getting regular promotions over the years, raising four kids (as a single mother and main bread winner for much of that time) - in other words, being responsible and a hard worker - and bearing the weirdness of my mother's self destructive, suspicious, condescending, paranoid, narcissistic behaviors for years - to watch my mother "blossom" with joy and anticipation and pride and excitement over my brother's visit. This is the brother who didn't come see her at all when she had her stroke (even though he lived just about two hours away) or during her recovery. While I was up at the hospital with her all she did was say over and over again, "Where is my baby boy?"
To clarify - I am not blaming my brother for this. He's had a heavy load to bear for the last three or four years, after his total mental breakdown at age 40. But prior to that, while he was spinning out of control for years - decades - I watched both my parents, but mostly my mother (my dad was more passive) enable him, make excuses, finance, etc. his increasingly alarming and dysfunctional life. This was often so messy that I was caught up in the dysfunction myself - not willingly but just being in proximity to it was bad enough.
Now in his defense, this was before my brother got on meds and in therapy. He's much better now, and seems like a genuinely nice guy who is finally trying to pull his life together - but still, the chaos wasn't all that long ago. This is the brother who can do no wrong, who has been given a bad hand of cards in life, who has been babied on and excused and coddled for decades. I can't say I'm too happy about the mother and child reunion.
This is a very emotionally laden visit for both of them. Also, this is the first trip back to the place where my brother's former life unfolded - his ex wife and her family, lots of old friends who have had serious addiction issues (mostly from wealthy families who have enabled them as well), his failed jobs, etc. Now his mother has cratered too and is in terrible shape physically and mentally.
I am really dreading this. All I can say is thank God this is happening ten miles down the road. I can keep my distance and yet be supportive and friendly - just get the hell out of Dodge when I want to and back to the peacefulness of my own quiet house.
I am so glad to hear that your mom has gained some weight! That is huge progress, Kathryn!
I know you're still facing frustrations with the situation. I know it's hurtful when parents seem to be so excited to see the ones who are never around when the heavy lifting needs to be done.
Enjoy some time in your own home while your brother visits with your mom. Hopefully things will continue to go smoothly after his visit.
First of all, apparently my dad is losing his mind. Well, I don't REALLY think he is, but something is strange about his line of reasoning. He picked my mom up Thursday. Friday he apparently realized she didn't have any Seraquel so he called the facility, and was told that he has to get that prescription from their sister facility up here (that sounds like a bunch of bunk to me but I didn't hear the call so what do I know?). Anyway, he didn't get that taken care of Friday. That would have been at THE TOP of my list of to-dos if I was in his shoes.
Anyway, he didn't call me for advice on that. We were out of town for a graduation till Saturday night. I talked with both of my parents Friday or Saturday about plans for this upcoming week and nothing was mentioned about meds. So today - Sunday night - my dad says, "Did you know that that facility didn't send any meds home with your mom?" I said, "What do you mean - are you telling me that Mom hasn't had any meds since Thursday?" He said, "That's right - and do you know she hasn't even asked about them ONE TIME?" (Sorry - she's mentally and physically ill, Dad - that's your job, not hers.)
I said, "But she isn't supposed to go on and off that medication - that's dangerous! Why didn't you take care of this Friday?" and he said, "I have to call this place and that place and I don't even know the dosage and she's got a doctor's appt Monday morning anyway." Now - I know my dad researched this particular medication and it says all over anything you read that this medication is NOT supposed to be stopped suddenly!!!
But instead of addressing this, my dad starts going on and on about other "difficulties," which sounded slightly frustrating to me but certainly not overwhelming. He also told me that as soon as they got home, my mom refused to do anything she didn't want to do - that includes eating, exercises, etc. She immediately backtracked on all of her "I promise to do exactly as the doctors say," when she got home and immediately reverted back to her former behavior. He said this as if he was actually surprised by it. My gosh, this was exactly what I expected - which is why he was going to be so firm with her. Apparently it is impossible for him to be firm with her.
So dysfunctional. It's really distressing. But here are some things I know from my perspective:
1. I cannot fix their dysfunctional relationship.
2. I am not going to move in and start taking care of my mother. Or father.
3. My father is not a stupid man. He is not disabled. He is not mentally slow. He does not have dementia. He is able to work, to drive, to FLY, to teach Sunday School, to do volunteer work regularly - so taking care of his wife of 57 years shouldn't be so overwhelming to him, especially with a housekeeper, a landscaper, home health, a good doctor five minutes down the road, an involved daughter, and plenty of money in the bank. My mother isn't in a wheelchair, she can go to the bathroom by herself, bathe herself, walk, work the TV, do the laundry, etc. She's not bedridden. So I really don't understand what's overwhelming about this. Sorry. Maybe I'm just a jerk.
4. I am not going to be the Enforcer. If my dad won't stand up to my mother and use the power that he has (which is really all of the power), then I guess the two of them can continue to wallow in their own misery. What a shame.
It's so sad to watch people totally unable to break out of such unhealthy relationship patterns.
Meanwhile, my brother sneaked away and called me on his cell phone and said, "Wow. It's crazy over here." THIS from a person who is living in a community for mentally ill adults! I said, "Welcome to the jungle, baby."
It's such a shame. I am sorry it's unraveling so soon
Thank you for the kind thoughts.
Yes, it's a shame. What I see is a very dysfunctional couple. My dad has always allowed my mother to do whatever she wanted - I mean that literally. Only. Whatever. She. Wanted. To. Do. This was to avoid fighting with her. He can't stand to argue and fight. He just wants to be left alone. So she did whatever she wanted and he got to be left alone and live without fighting.
That's a very unbalanced, unhealthy relationship. It was bound to catch up with them, and now it's done so.
And there's no way I can fix it. I'm coming to the realization that I can't save them from themselves.
Yes, it's a shame. What I see is a very dysfunctional couple. My dad has always allowed my mother to do whatever she wanted - I mean that literally. Only. Whatever. She. Wanted. To. Do. This was to avoid fighting with her. He can't stand to argue and fight. He just wants to be left alone. So she did whatever she wanted and he got to be left alone and live without fighting.
That's a very unbalanced, unhealthy relationship. It was bound to catch up with them, and now it's done so.
And there's no way I can fix it. I'm coming to the realization that I can't save them from themselves.
So your mom makes progress, goes home and regresses. I don't think your dad will be able to find it within himself to be firm with your mom, but even if he did, it doesn't sound like she would cooperate.
I think you are right in your conclusions. Both parents have established patterns and they are too old to change.
Get as much rest as you can now. Take a breather from them for as long as possible. I predict there will eventually be another crisis.
So sorry for the emotional pain you are undergoing.
There are some things one just can't fix. Lord knows you've tried, Kathryn. I wish I had some really good advice for you, but the only thing I can think of is the Serenity Prayer. To remind you that sometimes life deals you a crappy hand that you can't do much about, and you just have to slog through it as best you can. So sorry about the situation, I can only imagine how tough it is. ((((HUGS))))
So your mom makes progress, goes home and regresses. I don't think your dad will be able to find it within himself to be firm with your mom, but even if he did, it doesn't sound like she would cooperate.
I think you are right in your conclusions. Both parents have established patterns and they are too old to change.
Get as much rest as you can now. Take a breather from them for as long as possible. I predict there will eventually be another crisis.
So sorry for the emotional pain you are undergoing.
Yes, this exactly. I agree 100 percent. Thanks for understanding!
There are some things one just can't fix. Lord knows you've tried, Kathryn. I wish I had some really good advice for you, but the only thing I can think of is the Serenity Prayer. To remind you that sometimes life deals you a crappy hand that you can't do much about, and you just have to slog through it as best you can. So sorry about the situation, I can only imagine how tough it is. ((((HUGS))))
Thank you, thank you. Wise words.
I am just going to continue to do what I think anyone decent should do in my situation, with the time I have - and that is get together with my parents on Sundays, go with them to some doctor appointments, and go over to give my dad a break while he goes his volunteer stuff for about five hours one day a week. You know, do some holiday stuff, drop by occasionally or invite them over for coffee or whatever - in other words, see them maybe two or three times a week. We don't live that far from each other so that's doable.
But I'm not going to take on anything my dad should be able to do himself or hire to have done (such as the house keeping, for instance). And I'm not going to play Good Cop, Bad Cop with my dad in front of my mom - because I always have to be the Bad Cop and I'm sick of it.
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