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I think I've read through all of these replies and I haven't yet noticed anyone telling you to contact the District Attorney in the county where your MIL lives. Your MIL is a CRIME VICTIM. I don't care if she realizes it or not. Just because someone didn't notice a thief going into their cash register doesn't mean they weren't robbed.
I also encourage you to call Adult Protective Services in your MIL's county. Just google those words and the name of the county. If you knew child was being beaten by their parents and you called child protective services, it wouldn't matter if the child said, "Oh, Dad beats all of us. I'm not abused." An investigation would take place. Your MIL is being robbed. Maybe the DA will tell you to handle it this way or APS will tell you to call the DA, but SOME legal authority needs to get involved in this.
Good luck. And, by the way, there are legal ways to get financial conservatorship over an elder even if they object to it. Usually their primary care physician needs to be involved. This medical person should also be informed of your mother being victimized and not caring about it. It could be dementia even if she seems rational in other ways.
Best of luck to you. Your MIL is lucky someone is looking out for her.
BTW, maybe the sheriff can talk to your MIL and say that there has been a huge increase of internet scams in your area and he was concerned that she may know someone who had that happen to them. For example, since she knows so many older people perhaps she know someone that he can help.
Or maybe he could give an informative talk to everyone at her senior apartment complex and then talk to her later about it.
Or he can say that he got a tip from the home health care agency.
Or something else that would deflect the "blame" from you.
Today has been a rough day. The niece called today and said that the police got involved last night because MIL got a ride from someone else in her complex and went to the local IGA to try to send $500 to "Dwight Yoakam" via Western Union. She was bragging to the lady at the IGA about how she is engaged to Dwight Yoakam. (This is like the 3rd person she is currently engaged to) The lady at the IGA has known her for years and decided to call the police. The police tried to talk to her about these scams, but she would not listen. The IGA refused service and wouldn't do the Western Union transaction, so she went home.
The niece wanted us to come and meet with her and her husband (they are in their 50s-early 60s...the husband, MIL's nephew, is the main person who she listens to and gets along with, although she hasn't been listening to him about this) to have some sort of "intervention," so we went. We then found out that she had actually sent the $500 and was waiting for a "briefcase" with hundreds of thousands of dollars to be delivered.
When we got to her apartment, my husband grabbed her phone to look through it. She tried to get it back from him but he wouldn't give it to her, so she opened the door and started screaming out "HELP! CALL THE POLICE!" and kept yelling at him to give her her phone. There was evidence in the phone that she had sent the money and a whole bunch of other scammy crap.
The niece called and talked to the officer from the night before who suggested that she talked to the magistrate (who is a family friend) and ask about an involuntary commitment. The magistrate agreed that it was a good idea, that they would force her to go in for a psych evaluation and that, depending on what they found in the evaluation, she may be kept for 72 hours. Then, we could potentially proceed with the necessary steps for power of attorney, or she may be deemed competent and sent back home. The officer did say to give her the phone back, which we did.
She ended up locking us out of her apartment (she went out the back door, so we went and followed her, she ended up going around through the front door and locking us out), and my husband and the nephew went to the magistrate's office while the niece and I waited outside the apartments. We ended up meeting up together at the McDonald's a few miles away, where the deputy ended up meeting us and talking to us about the situation. He then went and picked her up and took her to the hospital. I don't know if she gave him a hard time or not.
When we got back home, I called the hospital to check on her. They said that she was brought in too late (we got to her house at 7:30 or so, but everything that transpired took quite some time, and she didn't end up being picked up by the deputy until 10:30 or maybe 11:00) to see a psychiatrist but that she will be seeing one in the morning and that they will determine where to go from there. The nurse said she was doing okay and was laying in bed, sleeping.
It's been a very emotional day and my husband is not sure if we did the right thing or not.
No, I am sure it was a difficult thing to do, and must have been really hard for you. But, for what it's worth I think that you did the right thing. I hope it all works out.
Update: <snip> It's been a very emotional day and my husband is not sure if we did the right thing or not.
I'm appalled. If your husband had applied to be his mother's representative payee for Social Security none of this would have happened. There is no need to have her declared her mentally incompetent and for sure, no need to have her institutionalized. Since when do we lock up old people when they are scammed?
That said, everyone makes mistakes. Once she is released, see if someone she trusts can be appointed rep payee. Here's the application:
Magistrate isn't a term one hears much in the US - wondering if you're international somewhere?
Just a comment - if she is found to be incompetent, then a POA would do you no good (someone who is incompetent can't give POA; and a POA that was already in effect would be rendered useless by incompetency, unless it was a DPOA).
You'd have to get guardianship of her financial/legal affairs.
or at least that would be the case in the US, in case you're not in the US.
I too think you did the right thing. She's being taken advantage of, and while (at the moment) it's just financial scams that are somewhat harmless, you never know when it could escalate to something more serious that would risk her physically.
Never mind the fact that losing $500 (or any amount!) is money that could be used to provide needed care for her in the future, etc...
I'm sure this is a rough time for you. I hope they can find out what's going on with your MIL and she can get any help she might need.. and if incompetence is found, then I hope the proceedings for appointing her a guardian/conservator go smoothly.
It's been a very emotional day and my husband is not sure if we did the right thing or not.
You two absolutely did the right thing!
Contrary to what lenora posted, you won't be able to get your husband assigned as your MIL's Social Security representative payee simply by filling out a form. That only works if the senior citizen (whose money it is, remember) is mentally competent and cooperative and voluntarily relinquishes their control. Your MIL won't, because she knows if she loses control over her finances her son isn't going to allow her to continue to send money to her boyfriends Dwight Yoakam and Hank Williams, Jr.
She's becoming demented, and you're going to need the court to formally recognize that she is no longer competent to manage her financial affairs on her own and to appoint a guardian before your husband (or someone else) can take control of her money. And the court is going to want a psychiatric evaluation before reaching that decision. It's just a tough situation for families to be in, because it's characteristic of dementia that the affected person doesn't fully realize just how much their thinking has become impaired and is understandably upset by the whole process.
I think you not only did the right thing, but the only thing you could have done. MIL is not thinking clearly and hopefully someone can be put in charge of her finances otherwise she may end up on the street or in a state run facility.
A 72 hour hold doesn't me they'll keep her for that long. She may and probably will be out in a few hours. Hopefully, the psychiatrist will see that she's not capable of handling her monetary affairs and put someone else in charge. I feel for you. It's a terrible, sad situation all around, but it's something that had to be done for MIL's protection.
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