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I'll keep my back story brief. I'm single and am caring for a young adult son on the spectrum and my father who has had various serious health challenges most of my adult life. I was also caring for my mother who has since passed of Alzheimers. We've also recently moved from the east coast to TX. I have a fairly stressful, full time professional job as well. There are periods where everyone is fairly stable, but often times all hell seems to break loose. I'm stressed often and feel overwhelmed much of the time. My work is suffering and I have no social support system at all now that we've relocated.
My question for you all is this: what do you do to take care of yourself? What have you found most beneficial for your own emotional and physical well-being?
I try to do a lot of things for fun that I can do at home (seeing as how I care for someone who is housebound) such as Netflix and reading. I eat well, I take baths whenever I get the chance. I enjoy a cup of tea in the evenings. I do creative writing. I used to try to fill up every moment with productivity, working from home, etc. I couldn't keep up the momentum after a few years. Now I allow myself more downtime and refuse to beat myself up over it.
I had been doing well with exercise, going to the gym and working with a trainer twice a week. My trainer left the gym and it's gotten harder to leave the house since then, so I now sporadically go. I can tell the negative difference in both my physical and mental health since I haven't been going regularly. I have a therapist to talk to about some of my specific challenges. She talks with me over the phone.
Another important thing I have been doing is having a date with my husband every week. Too often I feel as if I have to make a choice between him and my mom, so he needs a block of time with my undivided attention. We go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and eat spicy food and have a cold beverage together. It's nice because the wait staff know what we want and bring it out as soon as we are seated. It's nice to be catered to like that!
I am an avid reader, too. Audio books have been a lifesaver for me. I can listen to books as I go about mundane tasks that otherwise would bore me or allow me to ruminate on sad things.
OP, I don't know how you do it all. Hopefully you get some respite on a regular basis. I had to leave my job to do what I am doing. I knew I would not be able to focus on my very demanding job if I left my mom when she was having a bad day, or have enough time off to go to multiple medical appointments every month.
Kudos to you for caring for your family. Having a young adult on the autism spectrum makes your caregiving responsibilities harder, I'm sure. Good to see you here in the caregiving forum!
I try to do a lot of things for fun that I can do at home (seeing as how I care for someone who is housebound) such as Netflix and reading. I eat well, I take baths whenever I get the chance. I enjoy a cup of tea in the evenings. I do creative writing. I used to try to fill up every moment with productivity, working from home, etc. I couldn't keep up the momentum after a few years. Now I allow myself more downtime and refuse to beat myself up over it.
Trying to fill up every moment with productivity...boy does that ever resonate. I tend to feel like if I don't maybe tomorrow there will be no time to get everything done. I need to learn to take a page from your book! Thanks so much for the advice.
I had been doing well with exercise, going to the gym and working with a trainer twice a week. My trainer left the gym and it's gotten harder to leave the house since then, so I now sporadically go. I can tell the negative difference in both my physical and mental health since I haven't been going regularly. I have a therapist to talk to about some of my specific challenges. She talks with me over the phone.
Another important thing I have been doing is having a date with my husband every week. Too often I feel as if I have to make a choice between him and my mom, so he needs a block of time with my undivided attention. We go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and eat spicy food and have a cold beverage together. It's nice because the wait staff know what we want and bring it out as soon as we are seated. It's nice to be catered to like that!
I am an avid reader, too. Audio books have been a lifesaver for me. I can listen to books as I go about mundane tasks that otherwise would bore me or allow me to ruminate on sad things.
OP, I don't know how you do it all. Hopefully you get some respite on a regular basis. I had to leave my job to do what I am doing. I knew I would not be able to focus on my very demanding job if I left my mom when she was having a bad day, or have enough time off to go to multiple medical appointments every month.
Kudos to you for caring for your family. Having a young adult on the autism spectrum makes your caregiving responsibilities harder, I'm sure. Good to see you here in the caregiving forum!
Exercise is key. I was running before I hurt my knee training for a 10 miler. I miss it and haven't found anything to replace it yet. I think that needs t move to the top of my list.
Regarding work...I'm lucky in that I work from home 4 days a week which makes things less stressful for sure. Still challenging because my schedule can be erratic with sudden medical emergencies that disrupt my work, but at least I'm not worried about what's going on at home most days. Sounds like you've found some great ways to cope with the stress.
I try to do a lot of things for fun that I can do at home (seeing as how I care for someone who is housebound) such as Netflix and reading. I eat well, I take baths whenever I get the chance. I enjoy a cup of tea in the evenings. I do creative writing. I used to try to fill up every moment with productivity, working from home, etc. I couldn't keep up the momentum after a few years. Now I allow myself more downtime and refuse to beat myself up over it.
Are we twins separated at birth?
Ditto to all this.
OP, I can relate to needing the exercise but having some trouble incorporating it. I had to have surgery on both my Achilles tendons a couple of years ago and prior to that, I was an avid walker. That's how I worked off a lot of stress. Now I have to limit the time on my feet and that's been a real challenge. My husband and I bought bikes for Christmas and that's helped, but I need to do it DAILY, not once a week - LOL.
One thing I do in addition to all of the above, is get outside and work in my flower beds, which are pretty extensive. I need to weed them a little each day, and I have found that getting outside in nature is SUPER therapeutic! An hour or two outside, by myself, early in the mornings, listening to the birds and the breeze in the trees, and feeling the warmth of the sun as I silently work in my flower beds just fills my soul with peace. Like you, I live in Texas so in the summer I have to get out there really early, but that's OK because the days are long. While I'm working in the yard, I think, pray, and sort things out. I leave my phone in the house. That's my time and my time alone.
I try to keep things as simple as I can. I agree that trying to always be working on something at all waking times can have some negative effects. You need rest and down time. The problem I run into the most with keeping things simple is that I am ADD and that comes with lack of focus and sometimes things can get chaotic and stress can build up. Has anyone tried meditation? I'm thinking about it, but not sure how to go about it.
I'm retired and work more and more to do nothing. I play bridge a couple times a week, grocery shop and doc here and there and Keep My Life Simple. Take a lot of supplements so basically healthy except for nasty OA and a hip replacement mess from 2010.
My parents are gone, so went thru that with their passing, they both lived into 90's and my daughter and grandkids are close by but hardly see them, they are very busy with their lives and work to keep their own health good.
I share what I've learned with healing over the last 25 yrs and if people listen fine, if not, their choice.
I don't let myself get involved in other's lives too much.. Keeping it SIMPLE is what works for me. I'm 78 soon and try not to think too far into the years to come, or don't come....
Meditation is very helpful and I do it daily...I've also learned to self acupuncture for my knees especially. I've been into holistic/alternative healing for 25+ yrs. And continue to explore and learn and surround myself with like minded people.
I have loosened some of my "standards". I sometimes get salad kits instead of making everything from scratch. I let some house cleaning tasks go a bit longer if necessary. I have a strict bedtime and stick to it no matter what. I pay attention to my appearance and grooming so I don't look and feel overwhelmed. I wouldn't hesitate to use any services such as adult day care for loved ones if I needed the relief, even if they objected at first. Basically, I believe caregivers need to care for themselves.
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