Dad's checking out of hosp, now mom and dad are off to assisted living (child, adult)

[McGowdog]

If all goes well, my mom and dad move from a nursing home rehab facility that they've been in the last two weeks into a really nice assisted living facility.

[Loriact]

Originally Posted by McGowdog

If all goes well, my mom and dad move from a nursing home rehab facility that they've been in the last two weeks into a really nice assisted living facility.

Fingers crossed!

[McGowdog]

They move in Monday and I've been moving stuff in and getting their place ready.

[Briolat21]

That's certainly a pretty view of the courtyard. I hope the residents there use it and gather/celebrate often.

[runswithscissors]

Nice! The window in the kitchen isn't in the ALFs around here. It gives it a more homey condo feel.

Same with the door. The access is from the courtyard/outside? That's nice, too!

If they have a call button pendent type of thing make sure you emphasize that from the time they walk in the place day one. When you walk in casually say "OK are you wearing your pendant?" Even if you SEE they are - ask anyway.. THEN, For example if they have a call button on the wall in the bathroom you can say "OK so here's the call button on the wall just like the one you are wearing." So it imprints that they should be wearing it. Instead of throwing it in a kitchen drawer . My dementia client used to carefully put hers in her jewelry box with her jewelry. Very methodically LOL. When you go OUT still, remind them to put the call button pendent on. No, they won't use it but it has to become a habit that they feel it on their neck.

THEN, you can say "Ok lets try this thing out". And USE IT to call the staff. Of course tell them in advance you're doing that. Then when the aide comes in the room hopefully all cheery - they'll remember that and not be hesitant. I just told my client they wouldn't have jobs if she didn't call them LOL. Of course some people go crazy calling them all the time for nothing. So you have to know your people.

But plenty of times I found my client stuck half in and half out of the bed. God only knows how long she was there AND laughing about it though. So I'd put pillows around her and say "Go slide to the floor then we'll call the girls". Because I am not a trained caregiver in old bones and I wanted her to IMPRINT to use the button. (she never did, though)

Sometimes there's a bracelet type on the wrist which is better.

I assume they'll be sending Occupational/Physical Therapy home health for awhile. It would be good to attend the first session to learn the tips. I learned alot watching my client when I was there doing her dog walks. Just like in rehab - learning how far the walker should be from them, or to grip the counter when bending over to reach something. Or how to sit upright in the recliner not slouching to the side. Or how to get out of bed with stability. Stuff like that.

BUT - Don't interfere or even try to "help" when the staff is there. Just WATCH from afar. They MUST develop a trust and relationship with the people and alot of times the family interjects their personal opinions that are counterproductive.

For example, when the aide give the resident their shoes, the friends or family RUSHES to explain "why" it's hard to put them on themselves. LET the aides build the relationship that the people will need in those ways AND have the people do as many things as possible for themselves. Especially if the things take some effort.

Use it or lose it.

Or the resident says "I can't take my meds without breakfast" then the family starts arguing with the nurse about it thinking the nurse is a dope. LOL

I don't know your parents' story but I DO KNOW that many people in a room at once (especially TALKING) can cause confusion and anxiety.

So if you have anything to discuss, it would be better to do it outside of the room.

Also I wouldn't make a big deal out of leaving after a visit. "I'll see ya later mom, gotta get to the grocery store" type of thing is sufficient.

Obviously you don't want to nag about the stuff they may do wrong, say something like "Wait mom, your walker is a little far from you..." instead of "Remember the OT person TOLD YOU to keep the walker close by".

I even had the experience that the OT would make her walker a different height than the PT. It was really annoying LOL. So there's some of that to adjust to with various personnel who'll be interacting with your parents. And your parents may respond better with certain people they hit it off with. That's not unusual.

Sometimes an adjustment is in the details and dependent on the FAMILY not to make things a bigger deal than they need to be because of the anxiety. Anxiety gets passed around in families.

Also make sure you don't "add to" the set up of the rooms IE don't put throw rugs around even in the bathroom! The room is supposed to be a little basic for a reason especially for people with physical problems.

My downstairs neighbor is a caregiver for a lady in her house with the lady's family. She's told them for MONTHS to GET THE BATHROOM RUG OUT. But they won't. The lady, age 92, has fallen several times in the past two weeks and twice because of the rug. (she probably has a UTI, but still....you can't use a walker with a bathroom throw rug!).

Speaking of which....it's IMPORTANT for your parents to drink enough WATER. Not soda, coffee, tea, juice. WATER. To keep from dehydration and UTI especially your mom. They need TWICE the volume of those other drinks or more compared to water just for starters.

So please don't go stocking the fridge with their favorite "drinks". When you're there, fill up a 16 oz plastic see through "glass" with WATER and serve it. Make it a habit. With gentle reminders. If that's too heavy go to 12 oz. or 8.

The ONLY time I interfered with the staff at my dementia client's AFL was to point out that the 3 oz cup of water for MEDS was NOT helping because she'd drink a FULL glass of water if you gave it with meds. ONE PILL AT A TIME. But see, it's QUICKER for them to give 3 pills at once and a SMALL cup of water. Then complain when the patient is dehydrated.

So that's why I kept a FULL 16 oz glass of water by her recliner at all times. And yes, as someone else posted, my dog walks co-incided with her medication administration times.

Unless medically directed, STRAWS are bad. They choke more and I saw on Bar Rescue (LOL) that people drink less. So I threw all the straws OUT at my client's and it was true. She drank MORE and BETTER.

Every time I saw them "leave" the pills for her to take and chart them....(ILLEGAL) if she wasn't in the mood to take them right away, I took them right back up to the nurse and said nicely "you forgot these but I'll try and get her to take them". Just to let her know I was tracking things. Because yeah, my client WAS a PITA about it and she technically belonged in Memory Care so I didn't want to rock the boat too much for the family who was still in denial and procrastinating.

Last thing, get them OUT right away enjoying the facility. Like, to the hairdresser if your mom is that type. Or to whatever things they're having for the evening/afternoon. Sometimes they'll go if they think they're doing YOU a favor by agreeing to go make "valentines day candy" because YOU "want to go" LOL.

I just got a new client in an ALF and 4 residents come out on the porch after dinner because they know I'll be walking the dog at that time. And the dog completely IGNORES them! But they still get a kick out of seeing him.

[shamrock4]

Keep an eye on your parents for the first days and even weeks until the staff gets to know them and their state of health.

When my sweet mother went to assisted living, she was acting totally confused and lethargic. I lived hundreds of miles away but stayed in the area with my sibling so we could encourage a smooth transition from her rehab. We immediately sensed that something was "off" with our mother, but the assisted living center people (top-rated) insisted she was just adjusting and even were a little snide in the suggestion that we were babying her. They basically wanted us out of there and would not listen to our concerns - blamed the whole difference in behavior on the change of location.

She used her call button during the night repeatedly, couldn't find the bathroom, etc. We took her to her doc the next day but only could see the nurse, who did nothing. We called the assisted living nurse the third morning when our mother was looking blankly around, who said her BP was fine and she needed to get to breakfast and "settle in".

Long story short, we called her doc, relayed the blank staring and confusion, and she immediately told the assisted living nurse to call the ambulance and get her to the hospital. Turns out she had an extremely low sodium level and was close to a coma and was hospitalized for over a week.

Trust your own instincts and your knowledge of your parents, especially the first days and weeks, until hopefully the staff knows them better.

[runswithscissors]

Originally Posted by shamrock4

Keep an eye on your parents for the first days and even weeks until the staff gets to know them and their state of health.

When my sweet mother went to assisted living, she was acting totally confused and lethargic. I lived hundreds of miles away but stayed in the area with my sibling so we could encourage a smooth transition from her rehab. We immediately sensed that something was "off" with our mother, but the assisted living center people (top-rated) insisted she was just adjusting and even were a little snide in the suggestion that we were babying her. They basically wanted us out of there and would not listen to our concerns - blamed the whole difference in behavior on the change of location.

She used her call button during the night repeatedly, couldn't find the bathroom, etc. We took her to her doc the next day but only could see the nurse, who did nothing. We called the assisted living nurse the third morning when our mother was looking blankly around, who said her BP was fine and she needed to get to breakfast and "settle in".

Long story short, we called her doc, relayed the blank staring and confusion, and she immediately told the assisted living nurse to call the ambulance and get her to the hospital. Turns out she had an extremely low sodium level and was close to a coma and was hospitalized for over a week.

Trust your own instincts and your knowledge of your parents, especially the first days and weeks, until hopefully the staff knows them better.

Why would you blame the ALF for your mother being sent there with a serious medical problem; and acting sick from day one? And when her OWN DOCTOR was the one "who did nothing".

Why would a doctor have a nurse as the only one available to see patients?

You guys were the one who "waited too long". Correct, the ALF didn't know her; you did.

[shamrock4]

Originally Posted by runswithscissors

Why would you blame the ALF for your mother being sent there with a serious medical problem; and acting sick from day one? And when her OWN DOCTOR was the one "who did nothing".

Why would a doctor have a nurse as the only one available to see patients?

You guys were the one who "waited too long". Correct, the ALF didn't know her; you did.

You are incorrect. The doctor did not see her the day we took her into the office, when we insisted on bringing her in as something was wrong, as she was booked so we were assigned to the nurse. We called the doctor the next morning and the doctor said to take her to the hospital.

My mother had just come out of 3 weeks of rehab, where she was under medical care the entire time. She was seen every day by nurses, OTs, PTs, and a doctor who made rounds in the rehab. This followed a week in the hospital, where obviously she was under intensive medical care for a week, so the previous four weeks she was under constant medical care.

My sibling and I are not medical professionals. Neither of us had ever heard of low sodium but we knew something was very wrong.

I don't appreciate being critisized after spending 12 hour days in the hospital with my mother, as well as several overnights, as well as being with her almost every minute of the 72 hours she was in assisted living. If we had left her, the emergency room doctor said she would have gone into a coma.

I am not discussing this further as you have no comprehension of our personal situation.

[McGowdog]

Thanks you guys for the advice.

I'm drinking this up.

I actually have a really good communication with the alf director and she calls me on my cell here and there to update me on challenges and victories that my parents are going through.

There is no access to the nice courtyard but through two community areas and I'm told they have bbqs almost weekly. I can eat with them there or in the cafeteria for a mere 4.00 and two hours notice.

My parents wear a pendant and that button is very touchy. I will observe how they operate the walkers and their wearing of the pendants.

Thx for the tip on the water and the elimination of floor mats. I almost brought one from their prior home except it was in bad shape, will get tossed.

[kygman]

My brother and I kind of dropped hints to my dad about moving in assisted living after our mother died, but let him talk himself into moving in. He loved it from day 1! And you didn't get in his way between his room and the dining room when it was meal time. lol Before our mother died, they usually ate cereal for breakfast, a sandwich and chips for lunch, and she'd cook something for supper. He got hooked on the 3 hot meals a day pretty quick. At his first check up with his doctor about 6 months after moving in, he had gained 45 pounds!
On the pendant deal, Daddy wore the wristband type. Never liked anything hanging around his neck.
He had other friends there and when some started getting sick he'd go to their apartment to check on them. Bingo every Wednesday and Friday. They had speakers come to talk to them and Daddy always looked forward to the Veteran's Day program when they gave the veterans a flag pin and he got to wear his WWII Veteran cap.
He's in a nursing home now, after a few rounds with pneumonia and no strength in his legs any more, but we're so thankful for the 2 years he was in assisted living.