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Status:
"Mistress of finance and foods."
(set 11 days ago)
Location: Coastal Georgia
49,954 posts, read 63,265,686 times
Reputation: 92371
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Fabulous news - my mother chose one of the independent living facilities (the one with the top rating in this area - and of course the most expensive, but hey, it's her money), and she plonked down the security deposit and is on the waiting list for the apartment she wants!!!!! Projected move in date will be December 1!!!!!!
Wow, that was easy - and I didn't even have to sell her on it. She made up her own mind. Go, Mom!!!!!
It is about time you caught a break. I hope your mother will be happy there.
My only suggestion is to be sure to sell the house quickly, so a family member doesn't try moving into it "to be close by". I've seen people who had no interest in helping out...have plenty of interest in occupyiing "Mom's house". And the sooner it is gone, the less you will have on your plate.
I just want to clarify that I'm not exactly catching a break right now - but maybe I will soon. I've had Mom with me for hours every day and then she HATES it when I take her home and go home myself. She calls me often. She's trying really hard not to be a burden, but she is lost without my dad who was her constant companion. I'm his replacement - and not a particularly satisfactory one!
Their estate - which my mom can in no way, shape or form manage - is a huge one with many, many interests. Now I know what my dad did in his office all day every day - he kept the wheels turning. They have tons of investments, property, mineral rights, oil and gas stuff, a tree farm, rental property, his consulting business (which I have to shut down), etc. Guess who is in charge of managing all that for Mom now? You guessed it - me.
I can't even think about the upcoming tax returns. I want to cry.
So yeah - I'm overwhelmed at the present. Plus on the logistical side, I have to move my mother into her place in a few weeks - and then really start going through the contents of the house - and then have an estate sale after kids and grandkids come through and take what they want. OMG.
Then I have to get the house sold. Thankfully, it's in a good price range, in good condition, and not that old so hopefully it will sell quickly.
Meanwhile, I have to get a ton of info to the executor because though my mom is the only heir, all sorts of stuff has to be moved into her name. When the dust settles, I have to see how her income is affected and then I'll have to restructure some of their investments to make up for lost income, so she doesn't just blow through the money.
AUGH AUGH AUGH.
I am SO GLAD we went on our fantastic vacation to Maine just a couple of weeks before my dad passed away. It was literally just two weeks before he died. I am so glad he wasn't chronically sick and that I didn't know this was coming when we went on our first vacation in three years (due to the drama from my inlaws' long illnesses and then deaths and settling both their estates). If I'd known this was looming ahead of me, I wouldn't have been able to relax a bit, but since my parents seemed stable, we were able to kick back and totally enjoy nearly two weeks of vacation.
Then we got back and it was just two weeks later that my dad had his stroke and all hell broke loose in our lives.
I gotta say this - my mom sure is a trooper. I am very, very proud of her.
My only suggestion is to be sure to sell the house quickly, so a family member doesn't try moving into it "to be close by". I've seen people who had no interest in helping out...have plenty of interest in occupyiing "Mom's house". And the sooner it is gone, the less you will have on your plate.
Hang in.
That is an excellent point.
However, I have also seen the "old homestead" be very actively used by out of town children and grandchildren coming to town to visit relatives. If they would of had the expense and inconvenience of always having to rent hotel rooms and eat all/most of their meals in restaurants they would not have been able to visit as often.
However, I have also seen the "old homestead" be very actively used by out of town children and grandchildren coming to town to visit relatives. If they would of had the expense and inconvenience of always having to rent hotel rooms and eat all/most of their meals in restaurants they would not have been able to visit as often.
Well, we are going to sell this house - planning on putting it on the market in the early spring, after the holidays and the first of the year.
Fabulous news - my mother chose one of the independent living facilities (the one with the top rating in this area - and of course the most expensive, but hey, it's her money), and she plonked down the security deposit and is on the waiting list for the apartment she wants!!!!! Projected move in date will be December 1!!!!!!
Wow, that was easy - and I didn't even have to sell her on it. She made up her own mind. Go, Mom!!!!!
Well, we are going to sell this house - planning on putting it on the market in the early spring, after the holidays and the first of the year.
Good move. You are doing a stellar job with all that has been put on you. I am sorry about all that you have had to deal with and will continue to deal with during this process. The fact that your parents have money is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to handling their estate. You are doing a yeoman's job.
However, I have also seen the "old homestead" be very actively used by out of town children and grandchildren coming to town to visit relatives. If they would of had the expense and inconvenience of always having to rent hotel rooms and eat all/most of their meals in restaurants they would not have been able to visit as often.
Who pays the bills at the "old homestead" and who provides maintenance while the children use it in lieu of a hotel?
However, I have also seen the "old homestead" be very actively used by out of town children and grandchildren coming to town to visit relatives. If they would of had the expense and inconvenience of always having to rent hotel rooms and eat all/most of their meals in restaurants they would not have been able to visit as often.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal
Who pays the bills at the "old homestead" and who provides maintenance while the children use it in lieu of a hotel?
Well, in our case, we split the utilities four ways and shared all of the maintenance for over a decade after our last parent died. We even kept staples in the cupboards and condiments in the refrigerator. However, it was a slightly different situation as the house was part of farm.
I have known several other families that have done the same with their parent's house or vacation home, either when they were in nursing homes or after they had passed away.
Obviously, it does not work out for most families, but for some families it is amazing. After we were forced to get rid of the house, I needed to do the trip to see relatives in our home town all in one day (due to the cost of hotels). It was a real hardship (with my rheumatoid arthritis) having to get up very early & leave our house at 7 AM, drive four hours and see one set of relatives at 11 AM, someone else a few hours later, and a third family at 5 or 6 PM and then start to drive the four hours home at 7 or 8 PM when you were already exhausted. Needless to say, it was a lot more difficult than when we just drove up Friday night and drove back Sunday night. And, we could see everyone at a leisurely pace and still do whatever work or maintenance needed to be done. My brothers lived about 45 minutes closer, plus did not see as many relatives as my family did, so their trips were a lot easier to do in one day.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-12-2016 at 10:44 PM..
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