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Nyahh - then I'd have to, you know, GO to the laundromat. I'll just bring her clothes to my house and wash them.
I swore I wasn't going to do this. I swore I wasn't going to start cleaning her apartment when she's paying housekeeping. I swore I wasn't going to start doing her laundry when they will do it. But apparently things are not going to run smoothly when my mom is involved.
I am about to go meet her at church and spend a few hours with her today. We do this Every. Single. Sunday. She catches the bus to church (because she wants to go to Sunday School and I don't want to - and she tried to get me to start picking her up, taking her to SS, then church, etc but I felt like she needed to be as "independent" as she can possibly be). Anyway, the facility bus, a very nice plush bus, takes residents to and from church on Sundays so my mom rides the bus to church, which is just a few minutes from her apartment.
So I called her yesterday evening about some other things and then casually said, "OK, well, I'll see you at church tomorrow morning!" There was a long pause and then she said, "Oh, so we're going to church?" I said, "Yes, like we do every Sunday." Another long pause and then she said, "Well, OK...I hope there's not some big mix up like there was that time before when they didn't pick me up." I said, "Mom, they've never NOT picked you up. You ride the bus to church every Sunday." (As I was saying this, I was thinking, "STOP - WHY ARE YOU EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION??????")
So then she said, "Well, OK - if you think it will work out. I sure do hope I see you tomorrow."
Nyahh - then I'd have to, you know, GO to the laundromat. I'll just bring her clothes to my house and wash them.
I swore I wasn't going to do this. I swore I wasn't going to start cleaning her apartment when she's paying housekeeping. I swore I wasn't going to start doing her laundry when they will do it. But apparently things are not going to run smoothly when my mom is involved.
(snip)
I think that the laundromat suggestion was made for two reasons.
1. You won't have the stench on the clothes in your house
2. You can do multiple loads of clothes at the same time.
Let's say that she has four or five loads of laundry to do. It would take you most of the day at your home, and the stench of the unwashed clothes would be there for hours and hours or you could go to the laundromat and do all the laundry in a fraction of the time and never get the stench in your home.
Also, a few of the upscale laundromats have attendants that do the laundry (wash, dry and hang-up or fold the clothes) for you for a fee that is only slightly more than if you used your own quarters to do the washing & drying (at least in my area). If you have that service it would only be fair for it to come out of Mom's money. Mom's clothing and Mom's responsibility and Mom's money and it would save you hours and hours of work.
After all, you have to pack the clothes in your car to take them home, it would be so much easier just to drop them off at a laundromat with an attendant or to do them all at one time yourself.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-23-2017 at 09:04 AM..
I've got to agree with Germaine regarding the laundromat. It's certainly a hassle to go, but if you can leave the clothes with an attendant to wash and fold, that would take most of the time off of you. Also, if her clothes do stink that badly, I'd consider giving the attendant a BIG tip!
My suggestion on the clothes is IF they are really nice clothes take them to the dry cleaners....they are experts at removing stains & weird smells--use your Mother's funds to pay for it. And if they are not spendy clothes just trash them, your Mother can get new ones if she needs replacements--she has the means.
You can improve her environment by eliminating the smelly stuff & I think you should given your Mother's history of loving a very well kempt environment. You know if she were her old self, she would never have a smelly self or dwelling. But I do not think you should become her cleaning lady & laundress--enough already.
I used a laudromat for years. 1 hour 15 minutes to do all our weekly wash on a Sunday morning while reading the Sunday paper. Hung up or folded and ready to put away. I still think that was easier than the multiple things I have to do with one load at a time at home.
I agree with not having a bunch of smelly stuff around to work you up each time you have to go around it.
Thanks for the suggestions! I'll consider taking the clothes to a wash and fold place if I can find one. I'm not going to sit there myself and do them though - I don't know of any "nice" laundromats around here, though surely there must be some somewhere.
If I do it at my house, I am going to leave the clothes in the garage till I can get them out, one load at a time.
I do need to take the nice clothes to the dry cleaners - I will get those out tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder.
I always feel like a jerk when I leave my mom. This is because she seems so happy to be out and about, doing things, and lately she's even been complimenting me (which is not all that common from her) telling me, "I don't know what I'd do without you!" Today she even said, "Thank you for all you do for me." Well, THAT is a change from just a few weeks ago when she was snarling "Now tell me just exactly what it is you do for me?" and talking about refusing to sell her house, etc etc etc.
So anyway, in spite of her change of attitude, she still drives me crazy. And that makes me feel bad. Every minute I'm with her, I feel like I'm gritting my teeth and really, really hoping she can't see me doing it. I mean, I'm nice, polite, friendly, helpful, that sort of thing, but it's like the irritation is right below the surface and I really do hope she can't see that.
Like today, at communion at church...Now here I am taking communion for pete's sake - I'm supposed to have a devout, selfless, holy sort of attitude, right? And church itself really was uplifting today - great music, good message, really an upbeat sort of day, everyone was so friendly. Anyway, it was good in spite of the fact that my mom kept falling asleep - and not discreetly. I mean, she is sitting next to me (dressed oddly and smelling even more odd), and she kept trying to prop her head up with her hand so it wasn't so obvious that she was sleeping - but then her hand would just suddenly fall and her head would jerk forward and she'd still be sound asleep - and then in a few minutes she'd jerk herself back up again and it would start all over. This went on for the entire church service (actually this goes on EVERY Sunday and her Sunday School classmates have told me that she sleeps all through that class too).
So after an hour of this, it's time for communion, and my mom says, "I'll follow you." Now in our church, you go up to the front and one server gives you a piece of bread, and the other server holds the tray of small plastic cups out and you take one, and then after you drink the juice, you place the small plastic cup in a little trash receptacle - well, maybe it's not a trash receptacle, who knows what they do with all the little cups? It's a little plastic can for plastic cups - LOL. (Somehow I think Jesus is looking down at all this and I just hope He's getting a kick out of it!)
Anyway, so the whole idea is that you drink the smidgen of Welch's Grape Juice (remember, we're Methodists, so NO WINE FOR YOU AT CHURCH!) and then put the EMPTY little glass in the receptacle. Well, my mom did the same thing she's been doing lately with everything - sugar packets, cat food, hanging her clothes on hangers, signing her name - she just sort of haphazardly shook her hand in that general direction. Meaning that not only did she not actually drink all the juice, she slung juice across the carpet, and then missed the receptacle with the glass completely - and then just mosied off, long white hair in a flying cloud around her head, leaving a trail of odd odor behind her.
LORD HELP ME, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING HOLY THOUGHTS WHILE I'M DOING THIS IN REMEMBRANCE OF YOU!!!!
Speaking of her hair, here was the conversation today:
Me: "Mom, what do you think about going to the salon to get your hair done?"
Mom: "No, now that I don't have anyone who does it well, I'm just not interested in going." (Prior to moving here, she was going to one of those places where you pay about $12 and good luck, you just get whoever, no appointments - trust me, this was not quality hair care.)
Me: "Well, there are people who are good with hair all over town. I mean, you used to go and I thought you placed some importance on getting your hair done at a salon."
Mom: "Well. I'm not going to let anyone do anything to my hair. And besides that, I like my long hair."
Alrighty then. Except that it looks and smells bad, but of course I can't say that to her. She literally does NOTHING to it anymore. She doesn't even curl it. She does nothing to it. Washes it very occasionally, let's it dry naturally, smears coconut oil in it, and that's it. Oh, and combs it ALL THE TIME so that she leaves long white hairs everywhere - all in my car, all over her apartment, all over her clothes, all in her purse.
So there's that.
Anyway, she always comes up with some additional errands we need to run - this is every time we're together, by the way, because she is full of restless energy and she always wants to get out and DO stuff with me (always shopping). Now this is a woman who "gets out" every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Sunday of every week, and then often on at least Tuesday or Thursday and sometimes BOTH days. This is not some weak little old woman stuck in a little apartment in a nursing home all by herself with no one to take her anywhere. And I take her shopping at LEAST once a week. So, we just went shopping Tuesday.
Today she tells me, "It's the craziest thing - I am out of panties." (No, she's not - she is out of CLEAN panties because she didn't let housekeeping in on Monday so they didn't do her wash for her and even though she has laundry detergent, a small laundry basket, and a laundromat a few steps from her apartment, she hasn't done her own wash, which she does know how to do.) So of course, that means we have to go buy her panties. We found four pairs, and then she picks up a pair that I had looked at but decided weren't good because she wears thick, really reinforced granny panties to hold her "panty pads" in place. She said, "Oh what about these?" and I said, "Well, I looked at those but I didn't think they were supportive enough - look, they don't have any stitching around the legs," and she suddenly looked over at me all slanty eyed (I hate that look) and she said, "I want them and I'm going to buy them." OK. Her money. Then in the check out line, she picked up a package of EASTER NAPKINS and said, "And I want these too." OK.
I have to get her out of stores sometimes because she will start picking up totally random stuff and wanting to buy it, and if I protest, she will say, "I can well afford it, and I want it," and give me that slanty eyed look and off we go. We were in Bed Bath and Beyond a couple of weeks ago and she saw some sort of ice pack for kids, that had a hippo face on it, and SHE WANTED TO BUY THAT. She didn't even know what it was! It was just cute to her - at that instant - and she wanted to buy it right then and there. When my husband said, "That's an ice pack for kids," she said, "I don't believe you - Kathryn, what is this, I want to buy it," and when I said, "It's an ice pack for kids," she said seriously, "I think the two of you colluded on this together for some reason. It's not funny."
La La Land! That's where she lives and where she wants to make me live, apparently!
That is really unfortunate about the juice cup flinging. I can see why that would be mortifying. I wouldn't worry about her sleeping through church though unless she snores loudly. She is not the first person to nod off during services.
I think it is really nice that she is being appreciative & saying so. Perhaps her medications are helping her feel better. Who cares why, this is is a miraculous development.
I know it is horribly distressing to see your once gorgeous Mom now presenting herself to world "looking interesting". Try to not think for one minute that her appearance is a reflection of how much care you give her & how much you care about her well being, IT IS NOT. If she is happy & she is in a safe environment that is all that is important. And it sounds like you have that more than covered. Just think of her as quirky, it is okay.
Kathryn, you're a good writer - I love to read your true stories! I can picture the slanty eyes and all.
And I get the irritation - we want to/try to be good daughters, but some moms can pluck every. last. nerve.
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