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Whatever. Drama is not the same as trolling and causing problems where none exist.
You're right. Stop trolling me and causing problems where none exist. At least 5 people had to tell you this in my thread. Put me on ignore if my posts bother you and you can't stop mis-reading them.
What I overreacted to was trying to "explain things" but I won't burden the thread with that foolishness again.
My youngest daughter is still totally ignoring most of us in the family. This is very hurtful but frankly I moved from sad to mad and then from mad to basically just a state of "will wonders never cease" as more and more months have gone by, but my mom is The Fighter so she hasn't given up (I haven't given up - I'm just not going to chase someone down and beg for their love). So my mom asks me about her constantly. I told her Saturday, "Mom, she's rejected her family. But if you want to call her and leave messages or hope she answers, do it. Do what you feel you need to do, but I'm not going to keep trying to call her."
So Mom said, "Well, I'll call and ask her to come over to your house for Christmas." I had to tell her this: "Mom, please don't invite other people to my house. This includes her. She has ruined the last two holidays with family. It's not fair to everyone else. You can go to her house. She can come to your house. But I'm not going to have another family holiday ruined at my house. We are going to have a ton of family here at Christmas and sadly, inviting her is like inviting a box of matches into a fireworks factory."
Now - I do hate this, because I would love to have a Christmas holiday just like in the movies, but seriously, she's pitched a complete screaming fit the last two family get togethers and had little cousins running upstairs or out in the yard in tears, so I'm not putting everyone through that again.
Here's a rule in my house - be polite to everyone. If you can't manage to be polite, then just don't come over. Rude, insulting people will be told to leave. My youngest daughter has become basically a political activist, and she's also HUGE into the whole "class warfare" thing. But the biggest issue is that she's also very racially divisive - and vocal about it. We have a very racially mixed family and I absolutely will not tolerate racist comments, and have very little tolerance for politically divisive talk in my house, especially over the holidays and with a diverse group of people (one on one talk in private is fine).
So I'm not going to risk another ruined holiday again. Especially when there's been no contact from her, no answer when I've called or written her. And the coup de grace was when my mom called her repeatedly leading up to Mother's Day and she didn't even call my mother back. Now - my mom hasn't been the most affectionate grandmother in history, but she has honestly done NOTHING to offend my daughter that I know of.
It's sad to have an estranged adult child. And it's sadder because my mom has absolutely zero understanding of personal boundaries. See, she thinks it's OK to act out, to show out, to be rude to family, to pitch a fit or whatever, and then everyone is just supposed to move forward from that. That's how my mom has done family over the years, so she doesn't see it as all that unusual. But I am not going to put up with flat out rude behavior in my own home. I don't have to put up with sarcasm, rolled eyes, or giving certain family members "the silent treatment" or literally walking out of the room when they walk in the room - not at my house. Do that on your own time in your own house - it's not like anyone in our family is a KKK member or a pedophile! The only person with radical, oppressive, weird views is the one being rude!
So that's not going down at my house.
Anyway, so the holidays present a problem. Since we're doing a big Christmas here at our house (husband and me, Mom, adult daughter and four kids - her husband will be deployed - and two adult sons and probably their girlfriends), we're not doing a big Thanksgiving here. But my husband will be home for Thanksgiving so since it's my family here during Christmas, he will nearly certainly want to get together with his family for Thanksgiving. This will probably involve a trip somewhere. We'll either go to Austin where his son and my youngest son live and get together with them or go to Fort Worth and spend the day with his brother and wife. (Whatever happens, it's not happening at my house and I'M NOT COOKING!) Either way, it's a road trip and a night in a hotel, and we're not going to bring my mother. So that means she will spend Thanksgiving at her facility, without family, unless some other family member steps up.
I feel terrible about that but there is NO WAY she is making a road trip with us - not when she's going to be so involved with us over the Christmas holidays.
Am I going to hell for not including my mother in Thanksgiving plans? I really don't think so, but I still hate to do it. But honestly - we have a large family. If anyone has any criticism, they can step up and include her themselves. But I don't see anyone else involved in her care at all.
(Just for some perspective, she's never had a problem making her own Thanksgiving or Christmas plans that didn't involve me in the past - in fact, I've spent several Thanksgivings alone over the years while she and my dad just decided to do their own thing and my kids went to their dad's house.)
Then stop manufacturing drama.
I understand you're completely horrified by your daughter supporting BLM, going to the Women's March, generally being Liberal and the opposite to you. It must be a terrible shock. Regardless, if you can resist the urge to completely condescend to her as I've seen you do here, perhaps she'll dial down the defensivness a tad.
She's young and hopefully she'll come around. My husband and I hold much the same be views as your daughter, and his parents yours, but we manage to be civil. Just remember that nothing's 100% one person's fault, generally. You probably in some ways dig at her without realizing it, and disapproval likely manifests itself in ways you don't see too.
BTW, if you're going to Austin to spend time at Thanksgiving with the drug addicted stepson whose drug dealing girlfriend killed someone and ruined a young family's life yet not inviting your own daughter to Christmas - that might have an incendiary effect on your relationship with youngest daughter. A thought.
I would think not taking L with you is the least of your problems.
You're right. Stop trolling me and causing problems where none exist. At least 5 people had to tell you this in my thread. Put me on ignore if my posts bother you and you can't stop mis-reading them.
Gotta agree with this. It's out of control. If you don't agree with a select 2 or 3, you get raked over, and it's extremely old. It keeps the Caregiving forum from growing. There is a handful of people who think this entire forum belongs to nobody but them.
How bout people quit being argumentative and difficult on this thread - and in the whole Caregiving forum in fact? There are sections of C-D that are more suited to antagonistic, argumentative commentary, and this isn't one of those sections.
I would just love it if people talked to folks on this forum like they talk to people in real life, rather than using a computer screen to hide behind and let their nastiness out.
What I overreacted to was trying to "explain things" but I won't burden the thread with that foolishness again.
My youngest daughter is still totally ignoring most of us in the family. This is very hurtful but frankly I moved from sad to mad and then from mad to basically just a state of "will wonders never cease" as more and more months have gone by, but my mom is The Fighter so she hasn't given up (I haven't given up - I'm just not going to chase someone down and beg for their love). So my mom asks me about her constantly. I told her Saturday, "Mom, she's rejected her family. But if you want to call her and leave messages or hope she answers, do it. Do what you feel you need to do, but I'm not going to keep trying to call her."
So Mom said, "Well, I'll call and ask her to come over to your house for Christmas." I had to tell her this: "Mom, please don't invite other people to my house. This includes her. She has ruined the last two holidays with family. It's not fair to everyone else. You can go to her house. She can come to your house. But I'm not going to have another family holiday ruined at my house. We are going to have a ton of family here at Christmas and sadly, inviting her is like inviting a box of matches into a fireworks factory."
Now - I do hate this, because I would love to have a Christmas holiday just like in the movies, but seriously, she's pitched a complete screaming fit the last two family get togethers and had little cousins running upstairs or out in the yard in tears, so I'm not putting everyone through that again.
Here's a rule in my house - be polite to everyone. If you can't manage to be polite, then just don't come over. Rude, insulting people will be told to leave. My youngest daughter has become basically a political activist, and she's also HUGE into the whole "class warfare" thing. But the biggest issue is that she's also very racially divisive - and vocal about it. We have a very racially mixed family and I absolutely will not tolerate racist comments, and have very little tolerance for politically divisive talk in my house, especially over the holidays and with a diverse group of people (one on one talk in private is fine).
So I'm not going to risk another ruined holiday again. Especially when there's been no contact from her, no answer when I've called or written her. And the coup de grace was when my mom called her repeatedly leading up to Mother's Day and she didn't even call my mother back. Now - my mom hasn't been the most affectionate grandmother in history, but she has honestly done NOTHING to offend my daughter that I know of.
It's sad to have an estranged adult child. And it's sadder because my mom has absolutely zero understanding of personal boundaries. See, she thinks it's OK to act out, to show out, to be rude to family, to pitch a fit or whatever, and then everyone is just supposed to move forward from that. That's how my mom has done family over the years, so she doesn't see it as all that unusual. But I am not going to put up with flat out rude behavior in my own home. I don't have to put up with sarcasm, rolled eyes, or giving certain family members "the silent treatment" or literally walking out of the room when they walk in the room - not at my house. Do that on your own time in your own house - it's not like anyone in our family is a KKK member or a pedophile! The only person with radical, oppressive, weird views is the one being rude!
So that's not going down at my house.
Anyway, so the holidays present a problem. Since we're doing a big Christmas here at our house (husband and me, Mom, adult daughter and four kids - her husband will be deployed - and two adult sons and probably their girlfriends), we're not doing a big Thanksgiving here. But my husband will be home for Thanksgiving so since it's my family here during Christmas, he will nearly certainly want to get together with his family for Thanksgiving. This will probably involve a trip somewhere. We'll either go to Austin where his son and my youngest son live and get together with them or go to Fort Worth and spend the day with his brother and wife. (Whatever happens, it's not happening at my house and I'M NOT COOKING!) Either way, it's a road trip and a night in a hotel, and we're not going to bring my mother. So that means she will spend Thanksgiving at her facility, without family, unless some other family member steps up.
I feel terrible about that but there is NO WAY she is making a road trip with us - not when she's going to be so involved with us over the Christmas holidays.
Am I going to hell for not including my mother in Thanksgiving plans? I really don't think so, but I still hate to do it. But honestly - we have a large family. If anyone has any criticism, they can step up and include her themselves. But I don't see anyone else involved in her care at all.
(Just for some perspective, she's never had a problem making her own Thanksgiving or Christmas plans that didn't involve me in the past - in fact, I've spent several Thanksgivings alone over the years while she and my dad just decided to do their own thing and my kids went to their dad's house.)
Be firm with Mom, No, she can not invite anyone else to your house for a holiday meal (or any other time) not her dentist, not her former next door neighbor, not her granddaughter & the granddaughter's family. Now, if Mom wants to invite any, or all, of those people to see her at her facility that is her business.
Regarding your trip at Thanksgiving, do not feel obligated for even one second to ask Mom to come along. If you weaken just remember all the times that Mom & Dad left you alone for Thanksgiving (when your children were with their father). And, Mom won't be alone. They will probably do a lot of extra things and serve great food at her facility.
How bout people quit being argumentative and difficult on this thread - and in the whole Caregiving forum in fact? There are sections of C-D that are more suited to antagonistic, argumentative commentary, and this isn't one of those sections.
I would just love it if people talked to folks on this forum like they talk to people in real life, rather than using a computer screen to hide behind and let their nastiness out.
How bout you start your own forum if you want to tell people how to post? (Mods - not being rude, it's a fair question).
Your relationship with your daughter was brought up by you, no one else. Therefore, discussing it is apropos.
Gotta agree with this. It's out of control. If you don't agree with a select 2 or 3, you get raked over, and it's extremely old. It keeps the Caregiving forum from growing. There is a handful of people who think this entire forum belongs to nobody but them.
Thank you - I feel so sorry for him. He's so miserable. As of this afternoon, he has lost over 40 pounds. And he wasn't fat to start with. Or even fluffy.
It is miserable to be constantly throwing up - and hungry at the same time.
He's going to a super dooper gastroentologist or however you spell it later this week. Thank God.
I feel so bad for him. Let's hope the GI finds something that can be easily fixed.
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