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"You know, I've reconsidered my offer about Thanksgiving.
It was a bad idea to invite him in the first place."
I'd rescind that offer for Thanksgiving and would say exactly the above. People who don't give respect deserve the same back at them. Holiday or not. It's not right
I'd rescind that offer for Thanksgiving and would say exactly the above. People who don't give respect deserve the same back at them. Holiday or not. It's not right
You know - you hit the nail on the head. That's what's been bothering me so much - the complete lack of actual respect. Yes, for me but also for my mother, for my family in general. I don't even know why he'd want to come hang out with people he doesn't communicate with anyway.
I am done with the whole olive branch thing. I'm sick to death of being "the bigger person" and always being the person to move forward, overlook rude behavior, forgive, whatever. I've already been handed basically the sole responsibility for my mom's care, responsible for looking out for her and her best interests, and nurturing a woman who treated me disrespectfully and dysfunctionally for decades - while she was spoiling and catering to my youngest brother as if he was some sort of god. What good did that do either of them? Well, I guess my dad knew I'd forgive and "do the right thing," but dang it, my good will is all used up on her - I don't have any more nurturing left over for my brother. Sorry.
I guess he's out of luck, with his dad in the grave and his mom with dementia and both his brother and sister sick to death of trying to deal with him and his drama all his life. Oh, and his ex wife remarried with kids now. He's used up everyone and every "get out of jail free" card.
You know, not to split hairs or sound like a Scrooge, but a good Thanksgiving dinner for about 10 or 15 people costs about $300. Plus all the effort, all the houseguests for several days, all the cooking and cleaning and all that. We've already had one Thanksgiving completely ruined by family drama a couple of years ago - that was enough for a lifetime. I just don't want any weirdness and frankly I don't want anyone coming over who is so blatantly dismissive and deceitful and just plain RUDE the rest of the time. I don't care if he is on his best behavior all day (which isn't a given) - maybe I just want to enjoy a nice holiday with people I love and who love me without trying to cater to people who are strange and jacked up. I'm sick of strange and jacked up!
My husband agrees but he's working out of town for the next few days and he wants me to wait till he's back home to rescind the offer - he doesn't want my brother all stirred up and pissy, drinking and smoking weed on his meds, with a collection of guns and ammo close at hand, and mad at me. I can't say that I blame him. Plus that will give me a few more weeks of him not communicating so the rescinded offer makes even more sense.
"You know, I've reconsidered my offer about Thanksgiving. It was a bad idea to invite you in the first place. Sorry about all that." Yep, that sounds good to me.
You know - you hit the nail on the head. That's what's been bothering me so much - the complete lack of actual respect. Yes, for me but also for my mother, for my family in general. I don't even know why he'd want to come hang out with people he doesn't communicate with anyway.
I am done with the whole olive branch thing. I'm sick to death of being "the bigger person" and always being the person to move forward, overlook rude behavior, forgive, whatever. I've already been handed basically the sole responsibility for my mom's care, responsible for looking out for her and her best interests, and nurturing a woman who treated me disrespectfully and dysfunctionally for decades - while she was spoiling and catering to my youngest brother as if he was some sort of god. What good did that do either of them? Well, I guess my dad knew I'd forgive and "do the right thing," but dang it, my good will is all used up on her - I don't have any more nurturing left over for my brother. Sorry.
I guess he's out of luck, with his dad in the grave and his mom with dementia and both his brother and sister sick to death of trying to deal with him and his drama all his life. Oh, and his ex wife remarried with kids now. He's used up everyone and every "get out of jail free" card.
You know, not to split hairs or sound like a Scrooge, but a good Thanksgiving dinner for about 10 or 15 people costs about $300. Plus all the effort, all the houseguests for several days, all the cooking and cleaning and all that. We've already had one Thanksgiving completely ruined by family drama a couple of years ago - that was enough for a lifetime. I just don't want any weirdness and frankly I don't want anyone coming over who is so blatantly dismissive and deceitful and just plain RUDE the rest of the time. I don't care if he is on his best behavior all day (which isn't a given) - maybe I just want to enjoy a nice holiday with people I love and who love me without trying to cater to people who are strange and jacked up. I'm sick of strange and jacked up!
My husband agrees but he's working out of town for the next few days and he wants me to wait till he's back home to rescind the offer - he doesn't want my brother all stirred up and pissy, drinking and smoking weed on his meds, with a collection of guns and ammo close at hand, and mad at me. I can't say that I blame him. Plus that will give me a few more weeks of him not communicating so the rescinded offer makes even more sense.
"You know, I've reconsidered my offer about Thanksgiving. It was a bad idea to invite you in the first place. Sorry about all that." Yep, that sounds good to me.
It is probably better to keep the comment short and simple. The earlier statement is a bit too long and the intent would just go over his head while giving him an opportunity to get argumentative and defensive. Does your brother know where you live?
"You know, I've reconsidered my offer about Thanksgiving. It was a bad idea to invite you in the first place. Sorry about all that." Yep, that sounds good to me.
And significantly reduce your expectations of the holidays. They are a major stress for many and due to heightened expectations of a Norman Rockwell scene, so often a big disappointment. Thanksgiving is one of the most drama inducing holidays because rarely is everyone satisfied for deeply held emotional reasons.
That way, if everyone enjoys the time, it will be a great success and surprise.
It is probably better to keep the comment short and simple. The earlier statement is a bit too long and the intent would just go over his head while giving him an opportunity to get argumentative and defensive. Does your brother know where you live?
Right and unfortunately yes, he does know where I live.
If y'all read about some brother and sister getting in a shootout in northeast Texas, that's probably me (hint - my name is not Kathryn - LOL).
"You know, I've reconsidered my offer about Thanksgiving. It was a bad idea to invite you in the first place. Sorry about all that." Yep, that sounds good to me.
I am shocked that you invited him in the first place after reading your posts about how you are afraid of him and the guns and all of that. You definitely should not have him at your house! Even if he visits your mom every week from now until Thanksgiving, I don't think you should have him anywhere near your house or the rest of your family.
When you rescind your offer, I think you should leave out the part I bolded.
I am shocked that you invited him in the first place after reading your posts about how you are afraid of him and the guns and all of that. You definitely should not have him at your house! Even if he visits your mom every week from now until Thanksgiving, I don't think you should have him anywhere near your house or the rest of your family.
When you rescind your offer, I think you should leave out the part I bolded.
Perhaps so.
In my defense, I invited him weeks ago - this was before the continued and increasing strangeness. Besides that, he already knows where I live so I thought why not invite him - I mean, if he's going to do anything weird, NOT inviting him wouldn't stop him from coming over anyway.
I'm not really AFRAID of him, because he is a coward basically and because I honestly think he is intimidated by me. I just don't relish the thought of having much involvement with a mentally disturbed man with a violent history, a substance abuse issue, and an arsenal. I was hoping he'd stay on the program but now I see that he has no intention of staying on the program or really living a responsible, balanced life at all.
It's really a pity because he was doing well while he was in the program, which lasted five years. You'd think that FIVE YEARS of living with successful treatment would count for something but I think he fell off the wagon within a few days of his release. Such a sad situation for him. But I can't take responsibility for him (authorities have already asked me if I was willing to do so and I said heck no).
Now that I'm thinking it through, I may just send him a text saying that we've changed our Thanksgiving plans so the invitation is off. Keeping it vague. If he fires back a question, I see no point in responding to him with any sort of answer, since he doesn't feel any obligation to respond to my attempts at communication.
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