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I hope you won't mind me asking this and you certainly don't have to reply but I was just wondering about this place where your mom currently resides. When the time comes and she is no longer responding to anything, is asleep much of the time and her vitals are weak .... okay, I'll just say it .... when she doesn't have much time left, will she be allowed to stay there until the end or will she have to be moved to a hospital? Each place differs with their policies, I was just curious.
My mother was in a secure assisted living facility that was actually a woman's home. They took very good care of her, and she was happy there. She developed a UTI and was sent to the hospital. While there she developed a pulmonary embolism, and the hospital moved her to a nursing home. They were aware that she was actively dying, and her caregiver wanted her to be able to die in her own bed at the place she was happy and loved. The doctors would not release her, and she died the next day in the nursing home.
KA, I am glad your mom will be able to stay in her familiar environment when her time comes. I think what they did to my mother was cruel and unnecessary. There was really no good reason why she was not allowed to return "home" to pass.
My mother was in a secure assisted living facility that was actually a woman's home. They took very good care of her, and she was happy there. She developed a UTI and was sent to the hospital. While there she developed a pulmonary embolism, and the hospital moved her to a nursing home. They were aware that she was actively dying, and her caregiver wanted her to be able to die in her own bed at the place she was happy and loved. The doctors would not release her, and she died the next day in the nursing home.
KA, I am glad your mom will be able to stay in her familiar environment when her time comes. I think what they did to my mother was cruel and unnecessary. There was really no good reason why she was not allowed to return "home" to pass.
Oh wow, I think that's awful and I am so sorry that happened to your mom!
Even though my mom returned from breaking her arm and the hospital, back to the memory care center that she had been claiming to hate for months - she perked up when she came back to familiar faces and spaces. Yes, she's still declining, but at least I got to see that she was actually relieved to be back at the MCC, instead of continuing to beg to come live with someone else - me, her sisters, anyone (everyone knows they can't take care of her).
I am so glad she will be able to stay there. They were wonderful with my MIL when she passed away there.
My mother was in a secure assisted living facility that was actually a woman's home. They took very good care of her, and she was happy there. She developed a UTI and was sent to the hospital. While there she developed a pulmonary embolism, and the hospital moved her to a nursing home. They were aware that she was actively dying, and her caregiver wanted her to be able to die in her own bed at the place she was happy and loved. The doctors would not release her, and she died the next day in the nursing home.
KA, I am glad your mom will be able to stay in her familiar environment when her time comes. I think what they did to my mother was cruel and unnecessary. There was really no good reason why she was not allowed to return "home" to pass.
I'm so very sorry, WoundedSpirit. That shouldn't have happened to your mom. That doctor should be ashamed of himself for not letting your mother return to her home. She wasn't going to recover so why keep her in the hospital? I get so angry when I hear stories like this.
There are so many terrible endings for people. Get this:
My father in law was dying. He was so eaten up with MRSA (in addition to a broken hip, a bedsore, and a recent unsuccessful open heart surgery) that he was basically out of his mind. We went up to the hospital to warn the staff that in spite of him being in such bad shape, since we were applying for guardianship of his wife (because though we knew she had a POA naming her two sons, the other side of the family was HIDING IT), he was going to get papers served to him. Sad but true. But we had discussed this with him,and he had even asked my husband to take care of his mother, before he took a turn for the worse and death was imminent - we just wanted the staff to know that a deputy was going to come up there to serve him those papers.
The head nurse came running out and said, "HE CAN'T SIGN ANY LEGAL PAPERS IN THE SHAPE HE'S IN." We said, "Oh, we know that - he won't have to sign anything - we just wanted to let you know what was going on. He's not in any trouble, and these papers have to do with something he already asked us to do several weeks ago."
OK.
So get this - the other side of the family - his siblings - came up to the hospital with an attorney, and that attorney got him to sign a POA that gave his sister POA and revoked the former one (that my husband and his brother had). Now I can assure you that he didn't know what he was signing, and that attorney should be disbarred, but anyway, then the sister took that new POA - WITH THE NEW DATE ON IT - and had my husband and his brother barred from visiting their dad!!!!! THEN she took that POA and tried to withdraw money from my FIL's retirement accounts!!!!! (Thankfully the investment company knew he was mentally incapacitated at that point and they didn't allow her to steal that money.)
So the next day, we went up to the hospital to see my FIL, like we did just about every day because we knew he was dying, and he had been moved and we were not only barred from seeing him, we got an escort out of the wing by security!
We were so upset - and we immediately tried to access the legal department at the hospital but this was on a Friday afternoon and they were gone. We made an appointment for Monday. But my FIL died - completely alone - on Sunday. He died alone because his siblings didn't care anything about visiting with him, they just wanted to try to steal his money (which was also his wife's money and she was still alive).
So they barred the people who cared about him, with a POA that he had no idea he was signing, and didn't get anything, but he died alone. It was really, really something.
We were so overwhelmed at the time with the care of my husband's mom, and other estate stuff, and she was so critically ill that we didn't ever get around to reporting that attorney, which we should have done. We scared the pants off the hospital though - but it was too late, he was already dead. Some things you just can't get back and just can't be recompensed for and him dying alone was one of those things. I guess we could have raised a much bigger stink but the siblings didn't actually manage to steal any money (not for lack of trying) so the only "damages" were emotional. It was horrible.
My mother was allowed to stay in her assisted living apartment until the end. Hospice and the ALF cared for her. The ALF charged extra but it was well worth it.
My mother was allowed to stay in her assisted living apartment until the end. Hospice and the ALF cared for her. The ALF charged extra but it was well worth it.
Yep, same here - as a person becomes more debilitated, the cost of care increases but like you say, it's worth it.
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