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It is sad reading the posted problems of the remaing yrs of many,, at least there was a caring family member.
What happens when your Adult children do not check to see if your alive or dead or to know your health condition...
my case at age 87...nothing in 10 yrs.
Fell at home, waited four days before going to the hospital...could of had internal bleeding with my right side pain and numbness. Had previous numbness and spinal surgery so figured it was all related.
After the four days came to the conclusion my hip was broken.
Anyhoo, not complaining here, just a comparison of sorts of what happens in the world.
Do not feel too old having just buying a late model Hybrid to drive.
Having done a little dribble here hope people have a chuckle and laugh at my post.
Look at Trump...things could be worse.
It is sad reading the posted problems of the remaing yrs of many,, at least there was a caring family member.
What happens when your Adult children do not check to see if your alive or dead or to know your health condition...
my case at age 87...nothing in 10 yrs.
Fell at home, waited four days before going to the hospital...could of had internal bleeding with my right side pain and numbness. Had previous numbness and spinal surgery so figured it was all related.
After the four days came to the conclusion my hip was broken.
Anyhoo, not complaining here, just a comparison of sorts of what happens in the world.
Do not feel too old having just buying a late model Hybrid to drive.
Having done a little dribble here hope people have a chuckle and laugh at my post.
I think there are lots of elderly people out there that no one checks on very often. My great grandmother was one. My mom (her only living descendant) and my dad never checked on her and she died alone in a squalid apartment many states away.
I don't know why my parents didn't get involved - maybe they had reasons they never shared with me. I didn't know my great grandmother so I couldn't say. I think sometimes there are justified reasons and sometimes there are not.
Wow, just came from visiting Mom and it was just awful. I noticed this the other day a little but today it's full fledged - now she's picking at imaginary things and acting like she's throwing them - whatever she thinks it is - at people. I saw my MIL do that in the final stages of Alzheimer's. It is pitiful and actually really sad to see Mom do that. Also, I don't think she's blind, but I don't think she is seeing things the way other people see them, if that makes sense. Like, she's looking off to the right of everything, and she's also leaning way over to the right. If I say, "Mom, Mom" to try to get her to look at me, she will move her head in that direction and act like she's looking in my face, and she will even say "What?" but she will be looking off to one side. And today for the first time, I think her eyes are not looking in quite the same direction - she looks sort of wall eyed if that makes sense.
She was completely slumped down in her wheelchair, with both pants legs pulled way up and we tried to straighten her out and straighten her clothes out but she just immediately slumped back down and over and pulled her pants legs way up above her knees as soon as we straightened them back out so I just gave up.
She looks absolutely horrible. Not dirty, but disheveled and utterly confused. I want this to end for her! She seems absolutely wretched but maybe she's not, who knows? When the staff came to try to sit her up since I was there, and they went to move her she started crying out, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" but when I said, "Does something hurt, Mom?" she looked off to the side of me, suddenly calm as a cucumber and said, "No, nothing," with this very benign expression on her face immediately. So I really can't tell, but I do know she gets more agitated when I am there, so I don't know if being there is good or not. I mean, it's good for me to go check on her but I am keeping it really short.
Wow, just came from visiting Mom and it was just awful. I noticed this the other day a little but today it's full fledged - now she's picking at imaginary things and acting like she's throwing them - whatever she thinks it is - at people. I saw my MIL do that in the final stages of Alzheimer's. It is pitiful and actually really sad to see Mom do that. Also, I don't think she's blind, but I don't think she is seeing things the way other people see them, if that makes sense. Like, she's looking off to the right of everything, and she's also leaning way over to the right. If I say, "Mom, Mom" to try to get her to look at me, she will move her head in that direction and act like she's looking in my face, and she will even say "What?" but she will be looking off to one side. And today for the first time, I think her eyes are not looking in quite the same direction - she looks sort of wall eyed if that makes sense.
She was completely slumped down in her wheelchair, with both pants legs pulled way up and we tried to straighten her out and straighten her clothes out but she just immediately slumped back down and over and pulled her pants legs way up above her knees as soon as we straightened them back out so I just gave up.
She looks absolutely horrible. Not dirty, but disheveled and utterly confused. I want this to end for her! She seems absolutely wretched but maybe she's not, who knows? When the staff came to try to sit her up since I was there, and they went to move her she started crying out, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" but when I said, "Does something hurt, Mom?" she looked off to the side of me, suddenly calm as a cucumber and said, "No, nothing," with this very benign expression on her face immediately. So I really can't tell, but I do know she gets more agitated when I am there, so I don't know if being there is good or not. I mean, it's good for me to go check on her but I am keeping it really short.
I hate this!
That slumping and loooking to one side is almost exactly what my mother was doing towards the end and all along, unfortunately,she became agitated when we were there. That slumping could be a symptom of the increasing muscle weakness, I am not sure.
She wanted to stay in bed and the way it works here, or at least worked where she is, once the doctor ordered palliative care, they mostly allowed her to stay in bed if she wished. Of course they would get her up to wash her and usually dress her in day clothes.
She did become calmer the last couple of weeks and mostly slept. I hope that happens for your mother.
That slumping and loooking to one side is almost exactly what my mother was doing towards the end and all along, unfortunately,she became agitated when we were there. That slumping could be a symptom of the increasing muscle weakness, I am not sure.
She wanted to stay in bed and the way it works here, or at least worked where she is, once the doctor ordered palliative care, they mostly allowed her to stay in bed if she wished. Of course they would get her up to wash her and usually dress her in day clothes.
She did become calmer the last couple of weeks and mostly slept. I hope that happens for your mother.
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Thank you and yes, I think all this slumping and picking at things and not focusing her eyes is all part of the end. She is losing weight rapidly as well, because she is barely eating. And someone has to feed her anyway, and it's very trying to do so. I think if she had her way she wouldn't eat at all.
They do get my mom up and dressed every day but I also think that they will probably allow her to lay in bed as it gets closer to the end. I think we are in the home stretch now.
I believe you are right, Kathryn. It's getting closer. Everything you described is exactly what happens. Again, yes. They will allow her to remain in bed as time gets closer. Her organs will shut down, she won't require food any longer nor will she even want it. She won't even take in water, either. It's the natural process but so heartbreaking to watch.
I know exactly what you're feeling and your words of wanting it over for her. Be strong, take care of yourself and let everything run its natural course. One thing you should know for some peace of mind .... your mother isn't in any pain. And don't give a thought as to how she looks or whether she's groomed. They are taking good care of her and that's what's most important.
Yes, she did respond to the music, and she also lit up when I jumped up and started dancing around and singing with the song. That was very touching.
One thing that I have loved about these last few months with her (better late than never, right?) is that, for instance, even today, when she can barely put two words together in a sequence and often just shuts down rather than try to say something - today she looked right in my eyes and said this, "I didn't know what I had when I had you." She has recently said, "What would I do without you?" and even, "You are the treasure I never knew I had." And that's true - sadly, she never did seem to appreciate me when I was growing up, and even well into adulthood, though after she had her stroke 15 years ago she did seem to begin to appreciate me more, which was nice but still peppered with a LOT of orneriness. Now the orneriness is all dissipated (to be honest, I'd like to see some of that back because that's MY MOM!) but she also is a lot more open about the sweetness of her feelings, which is very, very touching.
I just find it very ironic that her "golden child" has completely deserted her in her old age. But the child she pushed aside is sitting beside her feeding her. I guess that's the way it often plays out.
That, my friend, is the thing you’ve been waiting for, for your whole life. Now that she has no filters, perhaps you should just take that to your heart, and go with it.
That, my friend, is the thing you’ve been waiting for, for your whole life. Now that she has no filters, perhaps you should just take that to your heart, and go with it.
Amen to this. Better late than never, and that's the truth.
This isn't about me, but I do believe that every single day of human life is sacred. If she had died last week, or last month or whatever, I would not have heard those words from her. So I am grateful for that, though this is very difficult.
Amen to this. Better late than never, and that's the truth.
This isn't about me, but I do believe that every single day of human life is sacred. If she had died last week, or last month or whatever, I would not have heard those words from her. So I am grateful for that, though this is very difficult.
I have no regrets and I hope she doesn't either.
My mother told my brother and me that she loved us during her last week or so. We were very touched as she was of the generation where (here) it was not so common to talk about your feelings.
Kathryn, if your kids and grandkids decide to visit your mother, be prepared for the shock they will probably experience. We chose not to take the great grandchildren to see my mother at the end. They are between three and seven and we preferred their memories, if any, to be more positive. But my daughters were devastated when they saw her the last week and said farewell to her. I felt that helping them manage their grief was yet another task, but of course a very necessary task.
My mother told my brother and me that she loved us during her last week or so. We were very touched as she was of the generation where (here) it was not so common to talk about your feelings.
Kathryn, if your kids and grandkids decide to visit your mother, be prepared for the shock they will probably experience. We chose not to take the great grandchildren to see my mother at the end. They are between three and seven and we preferred their memories, if any, to be more positive. But my daughters were devastated when they saw her the last week and said farewell to her. I felt that helping them manage their grief was yet another task, but of course a very necessary task.
Thank you. I am going to have a long discussion with my daughter before she decides whether or not to go and take the kids when they visit in a couple of weeks. They range from 16 through 10 so they are a little older, but still...I am nearly certain my daughter will choose to go visit my mom but she may opt not to take the kids - either way is fine with me. It will be shock enough for my daughter. That being said, I have been sending her photos and updates so she may be somewhat prepared.
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