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What really sucks is when you get the next phone call and you have to drop everything, and it's 10 pm and you've had three glasses of wine.
Actually on Saturday night, after spending the 3 previous nights being the night caregiver for my Dad while Mom was in the hospital, I decided I was the only person to be there that night to watch both Mom & Dad as my brother just wasn't capable (and he'd admit it). So before I spelled my brother at 10PM, I went to my local chinese restaurant called Tahana, had a Tahana Steak, a Myers and Diet, and the bartender made me up a cordial concoction. Just enough to loosen up.
Actually on Saturday night, after spending the 3 previous nights being the night caregiver for my Dad while Mom was in the hospital, I decided I was the only person to be there that night to watch both Mom & Dad as my brother just wasn't capable (and he'd admit it). So before I spelled my brother at 10PM, I went to my local chinese restaurant called Tahana, had a Tahana Steak, a Myers and Diet, and the bartender made me up a cordial concoction. Just enough to loosen up.
Nice.
Last year, my husband and I spent all day running between two hospitals an hour apart to try to take care of both his dying parents, and in between we met with the attorney over the guardianship. Oh and not only were the hospitals an hour apart, they were also an hour from our home. So we got home, exhausted and emotionally drained, at about 7 pm. Immediately, off came the bra for me and the shoes for him, and we slipped into t shirts and shorts and headed out to the patio with a glass of wine each.
As soon as we sat down, literally before I had even had the first sip of that much needed libation, the phone rang. My mother in law was agitated and refusing to take her meds and the staff was begging us to come back up there and try to reason with her.
Thank you very much. Guess I'm a regular now. And heavy metal works great...until the next phone call.
OP -
I didn't think about it when you first started this thread, but didn't you first start to have issues with your dad a few years ago. Right in the worst part of tax season as I recall?
Anyway - while I'm sad to hear that your father has worsened and your mother is now facing her own challgenges - as others have stated, there's always someone around this forum to listen to a vent, or give advice, or just commiserate.
People come and go (as their caregiving requirements change or are completed) - but caregiving (be it Spousal, or Elder, or even for an adult child with significant needs) itself is not going anywhere and only becoming more needed in our society.
I wish your mother well with her treatment, and I wish your family and your father all the very best. It's a tough road, but your love for your parents is clear and I'm certain they appreciate the help you've been able to provide.
Thank you very much. Guess I'm a regular now. And heavy metal works great...until the next phone call.
Metalmancpa, I want to let you know you're doing some great things for your family. In the first post on this thread you mentioned paying bills. I imagine you have all their affairs taken care of. Kudos to you on that.
My mom wouldn't talk with us about that, and it was sheer torture for me just to get her to write a will. (I think she believed that if she didn't prepare, the end wouldn't come.) So now I am going through the pain and aggravation of settling her affairs.
Last year, my husband and I spent all day running between two hospitals an hour apart to try to take care of both his dying parents, and in between we met with the attorney over the guardianship. Oh and not only were the hospitals an hour apart, they were also an hour from our home. So we got home, exhausted and emotionally drained, at about 7 pm. Immediately, off came the bra for me and the shoes for him, and we slipped into t shirts and shorts and headed out to the patio with a glass of wine each.
As soon as we sat down, literally before I had even had the first sip of that much needed libation, the phone rang. My mother in law was agitated and refusing to take her meds and the staff was begging us to come back up there and try to reason with her.
Good times.
See, this really effin pisses me off. I feel like the staff should be trained in how to deal with issues like this. I mean, not every elderly person has family that can drop everything to come at the beck and call. What happens in those cases? The person doesn't get their meds? I mean, honestly. I guess since I have no kids, my caregivers will just have to figure it out.
See, this really effin pisses me off. I feel like the staff should be trained in how to deal with issues like this. I mean, not every elderly person has family that can drop everything to come at the beck and call. What happens in those cases? The person doesn't get their meds? I mean, honestly. I guess since I have no kids, my caregivers will just have to figure it out.
Those calls can be so upsetting. The hospital once called my mother (in her 80s) in the middle of the night saying my dad was agitated and wanted her to come ASAP. My poor mother was home alone, got up, dressed and called a wonderful neighbor who jumped out of bed to take her. Right as they were leaving, the hospital called back and said Dad was okay so never mind! My dad never remembered a thing about that.
My mom's BP went through the roof and she couldn't sleep the next few nights herself. Total nightmare.
I didn't think about it when you first started this thread, but didn't you first start to have issues with your dad a few years ago. Right in the worst part of tax season as I recall?
Anyway - while I'm sad to hear that your father has worsened and your mother is now facing her own challgenges - as others have stated, there's always someone around this forum to listen to a vent, or give advice, or just commiserate.
People come and go (as their caregiving requirements change or are completed) - but caregiving (be it Spousal, or Elder, or even for an adult child with significant needs) itself is not going anywhere and only becoming more needed in our society.
I wish your mother well with her treatment, and I wish your family and your father all the very best. It's a tough road, but your love for your parents is clear and I'm certain they appreciate the help you've been able to provide.
Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42
Metalmancpa, I want to let you know you're doing some great things for your family. In the first post on this thread you mentioned paying bills. I imagine you have all their affairs taken care of. Kudos to you on that.
My mom wouldn't talk with us about that, and it was sheer torture for me just to get her to write a will. (I think she believed that if she didn't prepare, the end wouldn't come.) So now I am going through the pain and aggravation of settling her affairs.
Hang in there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3
We each have our stretching point. I respect a person who knows the limits and 're-Address's how to move forward.
Ease the pace...and remain good to yourself.
So sorry that you are juggling two parents...that is quite the challenge...
I truly thank you all for your cyber support.
I honestly to come here to whine or look for sympathy. But, sometimes the reality of life can be overbearing.
In my own particular case, it's been an accumulation of life events over the years. around 15 years ago when life's sh*t hit the fan. My daughter fell into a deep depression, attempted 3 times, and for several years life was a blur other than being there for our daughter every day. Then my wife lost her mother and oldest sister to pancreatic cancer 2 years apart. Then my wife falls ill with chronic pain and now can no longer work and dealing with her a-hole of a Dad taking care of him which keeps us apart a lot (kudos to my wife because despite what her Dad is like, she knows it's her Dad and that's all that matters). Then my Dad falls ill ultimately with dementia and my parents lives change forever. Now my mother. And my brothers situation is yet another can of beans for which I put my foot into for help and guidance.
Yes I took over my parents affairs regarding finances. I am health proxy for both, and at a minimum weekly visit them to pick up the bills, do some chores my Mom needs since my Dad can't help, try to be psychologist, etc. With my wife being ill hard to find comfort at home. My kids are great but have lives of their own to deal with in this crazy world (son married with 2 kids 7 & 5, and daughter now Captain and nurse in the Army.
I try my best. And there are plenty of other things in my life that pile on the above. But so be it. Do I beat myself up or find myself sobbing in a corner all alone at times feeling sorry for myself? Sure I do, I'm human. But I suppose to my advantage I am an anti-social introvert who can totally handle being alone. Exercise (currently running) is my time to escape. The health benefits are great, but I enjoy the journey of running (running a half marathon Sunday morning).
By the way, I absolutely HATE comparing lives. My belief is my situation is the worst in the world because I have to live it 24/7. But I also believe each of your lives individually are the worst ever for the same reason, because it's what you have to live with 24/7.
Again, I'm glad I found this forum to vent with people who can at least comprehend what I'm dealing with, because each of you have your own sh*t to deal with.
See, this really effin pisses me off. I feel like the staff should be trained in how to deal with issues like this. I mean, not every elderly person has family that can drop everything to come at the beck and call. What happens in those cases? The person doesn't get their meds? I mean, honestly. I guess since I have no kids, my caregivers will just have to figure it out.
I know, right????????
AUGH!!!!! Not only that, they told her if she wouldn't settle down (via the meds) we would have to either come sit with her all night or hire a sitter.
Excuse me, but can I just stick a hot poker in my eye instead?
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